Sep 30, 2005

Flashback Friday

Flashback Friday

I was challenged by Karin to do a Flashback Friday post about a job I used to have. It is tough to narrow it down, because, I have had a LOT of jobs.

My first job was when I was in high school. I used to deliver the newspapers. The town I lived in was a small town sprawled out around a harbour. I remember dragging that heavy bag filled with big thick newspapers all around the harbour. Trudging from door to door dropping off papers and my shoulder killing me from the weight of the bag. But when I went to the new store in town, I remember feeling so proud as I bought myself a pair Levi's red tab jeans, a raisins sweatshirt, and a track suit. My parents never bought "cool" clothes for me and my job was a ticket into the land of "cool" clothes the other kids had.

Before I went to college I used to be a cake decorator. I took great pride in my work. I remember standing looking at the display case and the end of the day and feeling a wonderful sense of accomplishment. I dreaded holidays, on holidays it was always a race against the clock. I would come in and line up the holiday cake orders I had and then I would do the first batch 5 at a time all lined up along the counter. I would cut, fill, and decorate each one hurrying to make sure that they were done before the time on the order form. I remember going in to the store to get coffee one evening and the girls were all in a panic. They had given someone the wrong cake and now there was someone coming to get a cake that wasn't there. So, I told them to relax, and I went into the kitchen. I removed the writing from the cake in the back that was no longer being picked up, and I put it into the display case for someone else to buy. Then I set to work and made another one for the order before going home. I remember my boss calling me in just to make one special ordered cake on more than one occasion. That was fun, because I got to have the fun of cake decorating without the responsibility of doing all the cleanup and stuff.

After college I went to work as an office administrator. And while I have lots of stories to go along with that. I have gone on and on long enough and I know that some of you out there in cyberland are yawning and rubbing your eyes and asking yourselves, "Are we done yet?" So I am going to stop reminiscing and thank you for listening to me remember some happy times.

Sep 29, 2005

I think I'm being punished.

I was standing at a grocery store and I saw the headline, "Love Your Body-5 Tips to get you started". Now ignoring the obvious kinky overtones, I think loving my body would an exercise in futility since my body so obviously hates me.

I guess all those years of ignoring my body and assuming that we would reconcile in the end was foolish. In high school I punished my body, I ate as little as possible and then vomited what I had to eat to keep up appearances. Later on, I worked at a physical job and ignored my body's obvious complaints as climbed numerous ladders and kneeled endlessly on cement floors. I worked hard and punished my body, I was young and my body could take it, right?

Well now instead of punishing my body, my body punishes me. If I walk too far, stand too long, sit the wrong way those knees I punished sure as heck punish me back! And don't even get me started on all those years of punishing my digestive track. Now, nausea and heartburn are the name of the game and a small elephant would probably be in my weight class should I ever take up wrestling not that my back would allow any such nonsense.

I swear, if I were ever to go to the doctor and tell him all the parts of my body that are currently punishing me, he would have me fitted for a body cast, put on a liquid diet and locked up in a padded room. No one person can really have this many issues. Well without instead having mental issues. And I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy (ignore the wild-eyed look on my face, I'm not crazy I tell you!

With this new move, my body had decided that the stress is too much and it has kicked Operation Punish Twisted Cinderella into high gear. Now I get special treats of occasional heart palpitations, constant headaches and incessant stomach aches. Oh ain't life grand. I just need to fall down and break a bone to make day complete.

I have a message for my body. I surrender. If I promise to treat you nicely will you cut me some slack? I am only 33 and I don't think I should live like a old lady quite yet. (stop laughing, I'm not old I tell you!)

Sep 28, 2005


I was tagged by jess at Drowning in Kids. So, here it goes.

Ten Years Ago: September 1995 23 years old
I was young, single and fancy free. I had just moved to Corner Brook and my best friend of that time had moved in with me into my spare bedroom with her roommate. We had so much fun together. We ended up working together and living together. I have many memories of laughing together in the wee hours of the morning watching a funny movie like Multiplicity or just talking and crying together over hard stuff like money and parents. We spent all our time together and the best time of it.

Five Years Ago: September 2000
I had been living with Prince Charming for 4 months. We were dileriously happy despite the fact that my family was very against this whole thing. We had this tiny little apartment on the 9th floor of a round building. Our best friends lived 2 doors down and we did almost everything as friends. It was a happy happy time I will always remember with fondness with the only shadows being my relationship with my family.

One Year Ago: September 2004

I was working as an office manager at a job I was good at. The little princess was doing well, Prince Charming was a stay at home dad. We were renting a nice house and I thought our life was settled. I didn't know that at the beginning of the next month, my life would be turned upside down as they resized me out of my job.

Yesterday: Tuesday

Extremely boring day. I had one of those killer headaches that won't go away. I got up with the Little Princess, checked my email, blog, read a few blogs, and sat with her in the living room. When she went to bed for a nap, I had a philisophical discussion about evolution and religion with Prince Charming. Then I cleaned the house, made supper and we watched Shark Boy and Lava Girl with the Little Princess. then she went to bed, we watched a few shows and I came here. Boring I tell you.

Five Songs I Know All The Words To:

Lady in Red
Don't Cry Daddy
Never Surrender
We didn't start the fire
Twinkle Twinkle little star

Five Snacks:

canned turkey and lettuce
Ceaser Salad
Ice Cream

Five things I'd do with 100 million dollars:

Pay bills (mine and my family's)
Buy a house
Buy a car
Buy new food and clothing
Donate to the food bank that helped us when we needed it

Five places I'd run away to:

some wooded area

Five things I would never wear:

bell bottom pants
neon yellow
black lipstick
ass writing
black nail polish

Five Favourite TV Shows


Five greatest joys

The Little Princess
Prince Charming
Creating something that effects people
A good cup of coffee
A nice hot bath

Five favourite toys:

Kodak Easy Share

Current Reads:

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Mary Higgins Clarke, Second time around
I love you forever -- Robert Munsch
Mortimer -- Robert Munsch

Five People I am tagging to do this:

* Better Safe Than Sorry
* Trinity13
* momma of 2
* Texas_Ivy10
* BagOfNothing

Sep 27, 2005

Something to make you smile

Okay, I am having a particularly stressed out day with the whole moving fiasco and so I needed something to get my mind off things so I decided to share some news articles I found here My comments are after each heading in italics.

Two Wives, One With Two Hubbies, Costs Cop
A Sumter County sheriff's deputy was fired for being married to two women at the same time, and his second wife was married to another man at the time of their wedding.--okay, can you imagine trying to keep track of THAT family tree??

Woman Crashes Car Into Swimming Pool
A test drive in a car ended with a big splash and a daring rescue in Bellevue, after a woman somehow drove the car into a swimming pool.--Okay we want to make sure the people who test drive cars have liscences and know that the car can not be used as a flotation device in case of a water landing.

The World's Least Alike Twins
Dutch twin boys born of the same womb - one black, one white - face growing up in a not-so-colorblind world.--Just one question, is this even possible???

Bathroom Habits: Women Wash Hands More Than Men
Men are dirtier than women. So scientists confirmed by spying in public restrooms, watching as one-quarter of men left without washing their hands.--Okay, all together now, "Eeeeeww Gross!"

In India, You May Not Kiss The Bride
An Israeli couple was fined 1,000 rupees after an Indian court found them guilty of obscenity for kissing during their marriage ceremony in a Hindu pilgrim town.--Can you imagine getting arrested for KISSING THE BRIDE??

Condoms Are Named for Clinton, Lewinsky
A rubber company in China has begun marketing condoms under the brand names Clinton and Lewinsky, apparently seeking to exploit the White House affair that led to the impeachment of America's 42nd president.---HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Man Throws Biscuits to Distract Dog
A driver stopped for speeding tried to distract a drug-sniffing dog by throwing dog biscuits from his car.--Well at least he was creative.

Man Breaks 'Couch Potato' Record
Couch potato, thy name is Suresh. Suresh Joachim broke the Guinness world record for the longest time spent watching TV. He finished Friday with 69 hours and 48 minutes--I bet you I know someone who could break his record!

Principal Chases Streaker In Gorilla Mask
A 17-year-old student was arrested for streaking through his high school in a gorilla mask after being chased down the street by the school principal.--Come on arrested?? You ought to see what the kids in my school did!

Woman Complains To Cops After Hitman She Hired Failed To Get The Job Done
A woman who hired a hitman to murder the wife of her lover, and then complained to police when he didn't do the job, has been arrested along with the hitman.--Okay I vote her as one of the top five stupidest criminals in the world!

Sep 25, 2005

Farewell to my not quite glass slippers

I am afraid that I must bid a sad farewell to my not quite glass slippers. They were blue denim keds and in a way they suited my busy mom lifestyle so much better than any normal glass slipper. Really, even Cinderella couldn't keep them on running down one flight of stairs. I would like to see her drag a three year old to the library and 3 grocery stores with them killer things on!

But my keds were perfect and they served me well. On last minute trips to the grocery store, they were there. When trying lose weight meant that I walked like a crazy maniac was chasing me they were there (until I realized the only crazy person on the streets was me). When I embarked on a journey to a whole new city in a whole new province, they were there. When I went back to work for the first time since having my Little Princess, they were there.

They fit me perfectly, and the older they got, and the more worn out they looked, the better friends we became. They knew me. They knew that I always sit with my knees bent under my chair, pressing my toes to the ground. They knew that when I am excited I sometimes scuff my big toes on the sidewalk. They had no laces as they knew that when my knees were bad, laces make things difficult. They were comfortable. They were safe and I wore them with everything. I didn't care if they matched. They were my friends and good friends don't care about what other people think anyway.

When I wore holes in the big toe of my right shoe, I stayed loyal to my friends. You don't give up your friends at the first sign of trouble. And when a matching hole appeared on the other shoe, I sighed, knowing the end was near, but like a dog with a bone, I still steadfastly refused to part from my friends. But alas, tonight, my friends have had enough. They were good friends but alas, they have started to fall completely apart and such loyal friends deserve to be put out of their misery.

And so tonight, I must bid farewell to my not quite glass slippers.

Pic of my Not Quite Glass Slippers

Songs of my life

A blog I read the other day ( talked about songs that were important to you. There are certain songs that mean a lot to me. Certain songs that touch me and that seem to come up again and again. When I was a young girl, my dad played a song, "To a Sleeping Beauty" for me. It was about how a young girl changes in the blink of an eye. The dad talks to his daughter and tells her how much he will miss her when she grows up and away from him. As a child, this song made me cry. The idea of the dad being so sad and alone broke my heart. I would wrap my arms around his neck and tell him I would always love him. As a mother, I again cry, but now I am watching my Sleeping Beauty grow up much too quickly and it still breaks my heart.

Here are the lyrics.

Recorded by Jimmy Dean
Written by L. Markes

Dear daughter, I tiptoed in your room tonight and I looked down at you smilin' in your sleep. You were so lovely my heart nearly broke;and I thought how much like Sleeping Beauty a little girl is. When I tuck you in at night I never know how old you'll be when you wake. One evening you crawl on your dad's lap and throw your arms around his neck,the next morning you might be much too grown up for that sort of thing.

You're so quickly approaching the awkward age, too young to drive the car and yet too old to be carried in the house half asleep on daddy's shoulder. I have a secret that I've never told you, Sleeping Beauty,you're going on a very exciting trip. You'll travel from yesterday all the way to tomorrow. It's a rapid journey and you'll travel light,leaving behind you - measles, mumps, freckles, bumps, bubble gum and me.

I promise not to feel too hurt when you discover that the world is more important than your daddy's lap. Yesterday you were blue jeans and pig tails,the neighborhood's best tree climber. Tomorrow you'll be blue organdy and pony tails and you'll view the world from a loftier perch - a pair of high heeled shoes. Yesterday you could mend a doll's broken leg with a hug; tomorrow you'll be able to break a young man's heart with a kiss.

Yesterday you could get lost one aisle away from me at a supermarket - now I have to worry about losing you down another aisle to some strange young man. You see, just at the point where you're growing pains stop, mine begins. Yesterday you were kind of a pain in the neck when you were around, tomorrow you'll be an ache in my heart when your not.

Tomorrow you'll lay aside your jump rope and tie up the telephone lines and that little boy that used to push you in the mud; well, he'll fight to sit out a dance with you. The clock is countin' the minutes for you and thesky upstairs is savin' its' brighest stars; - and the sun is waitin' with its' shiniest day.

Oh I, I can't expect you to live in a doll house forever. Sooner or later, the butterfly sheds it's cocoon and the smallest bird must try its wings. But when you grow up and out of my arms; when you finally get too big for my shirts, I'll still recall how you used to scatter dust and dolls and partially through ev'ry room in the house; but you spread sunshine too. The dust is settled, your mom picked up the dolls; - but the sunshine will always fill the corners of our hearts.

So, here I am talking in your sleep, because, well if you saw this look on my face, you'd laugh and if I spoke with this lump in my throat, I'd cry.Yea honey when I looked at you tonight you were a Sleeping Beauty. So, I tiptoed over and I kissed you - you didn't wake up, I knew you wouldn't. According to the legend only the handsome young prince can open your eyes and I'm just the father of the future bride.

So you sleep on pretty thing, tomorrow you'll wake and you'll be a young lady and you won't even realize that you've changed courses in the middle of a dream. But you might notice a little change in me; I'll look a little different somehow. A little sadder, a little wiser, but a whole lot richer. Tonight, I kissed a princess and I feel like a king.

And then there is the song that describes my relationship with Prince Charming, No Matter What by Boyzone. Our relationship started out against all odds. I broke my family's collective hearts in my choice. We had to fight hard. But the lyrics so clearly describe what it is we felt. It was the last song that played the first time we ever danced together. It was our wedding song. It still takes me back to the beginning of my time with Prince Charming and still brings me to tears.

Here are the lyrics:

Artist: Boyzone
Song: No Matter What Lyrics

No matter what they tell us
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach us
What we believe is true

No matter what they call us
However they attack
No matter where they take us
We'll find our own way back

I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know I'll love forever
I know, no matter what

If only tears were laughter
If only night was day
If only prayers were answered
Then we would hear God say

And I will keep you safe and strong
And shelter from the storm
No matter where it's barren
A dream is being born
No matter who they follow
No matter where they lead
No matter how they judge us
I'll be everyone you need
No matter if the sun don't shine
Or if the skies are blue
No matter what the end is
My life began with you

I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know, I know
I know this love's forever

These two songs touched my life in a deep way. They describe my past and my present. I wonder what songs to come will describe the days that lie ahead. For now, I am enjoying my happily ever after with my Prince Charming who talks me down and of the tower and keeps me from throwing myself off when I have driven myself crazy with worry over things that I can't change and wouldn't if I could.

Sep 24, 2005

Lather, rinse, repeat

Lather, rinse, repeat. That kinda feels like my life today. Like a hamster in his wheel, I keep running as fast as I can but I am not conscious of the fact that I am never really getting anywhere. When the Little Princess goes to bed for her nap, I clean up the house and make supper. I pick up all her toys, clean off the coffee table and clean up the mess she made on the floor. But when she gets up, she scatters her toys, messes up the coffee table and makes another mess on the floor. So when she goes to bed for the night, I pick up all her toys, clean off the coffee table and clean up the mess she made on the floor, again. Every day the same thing, lather, rinse repeat. Every day, I get up the same time, repeat the same tasks, relax after they are done happy that I have accomplished all that I have on my list. And then the next morning, I wake up with that same list to accomplish again. Is this my life from now on? A set of duties to accomplish every day, a hamster on a wheel, running as fast as I can but never really getting ahead and never getting anywhere.

Oh well, I really enjoy my life. I just woke up with a headache, grumpy and complaining. I'll cheer up later, I promise. In the meantime, I'll just lather rinse and repeat.

Sep 23, 2005

Meet Grandpa Charming

Let me tell you about Grandpa Charming. When prince charming was about 10 and didn't study enough for his test and didn't bring in wood when requested, his father (Grandpa Charming) decided that he was a failure and didn't live up to his potential.

You see Grandpa Charming had a set of rules and expectations that Prince Charming was to live up to. Now, Prince Charming was never given a set of these rules (that would make it too easy) but everytime he didn't live up to these expectations he was told, loudly, how he was a lazy failure.

Grandpa Charming is a simple man who makes his living off the sea and he doesn't understand how any Charming son of his, may want to do something different. Now, I have talked to Grandpa Charming about Prince Charming and we discuss how smart he is and how proud he is of his son, but he NEVER tells him this. Every time they talk, it boils down to a conversation which leaves both men angry and leaves Prince Charming feeling like a disappointment.

Now for the last few years, Grandpa Charming has been demanding suggesting that we move closer to them. It would be easier and Prince Charming could go and make his living on the sea. And after all this time, we have given in decided to move near them.

Given the situation between Prince Charming and Grandpa Charming, is it any wonder that the idea of having the two of them anywhere near each other scares me a little.

Well I have to go, I have a suit of armor in the basement to pack, I have a feeling that it may come in handy when these two live closer together.

Sep 22, 2005

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen things that are on my mind today:
  1. I hope I can soon line up a place to live in for my move next month
  2. I hope I can get everything packed soon.
  3. Notsosnowwhite is having a friend over for the weekend. I hope the place is clean enough considering everything is up in slings for the move
  4. Prince Charming has become addicted to Harry Potter Novels. I haven't seen him for days.
  5. tomorrow is Friday and that still makes me happy although I have no real reason to be excited for that.
  6. What is the best relief you know for heartburn?
  7. The Little Princess has been especially good the last couple of days
  8. She has even let me sleep all night.
  9. How is it possible that I can be so old at 33 that my back hurts when she lets me sleep in?
  10. Is that some kind of cosmic joke?
  11. I just watched the premiere of Criminal Mind. I really liked it and I am really liking Supernatural! I know this is something I am going to watch
  12. I am looking forward to seeing the Ghost Whisperer
  13. I watch more television during the first few weeks of the season than I do any other time of the year.

All Hale Prince Charming, Lord of the Remote

Explain to me again the connection between and man and his remote. I swear, Prince Charming is convinced that he is indeed Prince Charming, Lord of the Royal Remote Control.

As he enters the room he holds his hand out to you without speaking. You should already know that since he has entered the room, you no longer have remote control privileges. If you look at him confused over this hand that has suddenly started waving in your face, he will deign to verbalize his demand, "Hand over the remote". Now here you have two choices, you can keep the remote and Prince Charming will either return to the farthest corners of the house, leaving you alone in your television viewing or he will more emphatically demand the remote. Mostly I, the one who really doesn't understand the magic that is remote control handling, just hand over the remote. Why not give him his joy?

But that is just the beginning of our television debacle. Because now the programs are all the Prince's discretion (unless again you want to send him running to his far corner). He watches the guide fanatically trying to decide which program he would like to watch. But having found nothing he would like to watch in this time slot, he leaves the guide on muted for the entire half hour. Never mind that in that time slot I have seen several shows that I wouldn't mind watching, the Prince Charming, Lord of the Royal Remote, has control and we await he his royal choice. As the half hour of watching the channels rotate again and again over the television screen comes to a close, he again looks to see what he can find to watch. If there is nothing to watch, lord help you because you will be stuck watching the muted guide again! And if he leaves the room for any reason, Prince Charming, Lord of the Royal Remote leaves the remote in the farthest corner of the room to discourage anyone touching his royal remote. And he leaves the television on . . . You guessed it, on the muted guide!

Well, you gotta love him. I have to go now, I can see the Royal Remote has been left unmanned and I am about to stage a revolusion

Sep 21, 2005

Pondering Changes

I never mentioned before but Twisted Cinderella has a friend, Notsosnowwhite, who has been living (and moving) with us for the last three years. For three years she has been my television watching buddy, my dieting buddy, and my binging buddy. We share books, clothes and movies so much we often can't remember who owns what.

But now, Notsosnowwhite is striking out on her own. I feel like a mother sending her teenage child off to college, I am happy for her and a slightly more empty nest will be good for Prince Charming and I, but I worry about her and if she will be okay and I will miss her too. My shows won't be nearly as fun without discussing every minute detail with her.

For the last few days, as I have been packing it feels a little like a divorce. I get custody of the black jeans but she demands custody of the shiny black tank top. As we tear our lives apart into two separate parts, I am reminded of all the things that will be changing. No more fanatically discussing American Idol and our favorite choices for who should win Big Brother. No more obsessing together over food, diet and exercise. And I am sad. Somehow I don't see Prince Charming, lord of the remote control, filling in as my shopping, dieting, and television buddy.

I am a little excited about having time alone with Prince Charming but then I feel guilty about that. I shouldn't be excited when I am going to be leaving my friend behind. But then again, not living with an old married couple will do wonders for Notsosnowwhite's social life too.

I guess this is two less than witty posts in a row. No, don't run away, I promise I won't keep boring you to death. I guess I will have to think up something to make my post more entertaining . . . mmm. . . . maybe a joke? Did you hear about the one with the guy in a boat?

Sep 20, 2005

Don't ya just hate it . . .

Don't you just hate budgets? Wouldn't it be nice to go grocery shopping and get what you want instead of what you can afford? With moving coming and a recent purchase of oil, grocery day this week was really tight.

I hate deciding that I can afford the milk for my coffee but not toast to go with it. Ugh. I guess this is not a particularly witty post. Just wishing I could shop with a princess's budget instead of a pauper's. I would love to wander down grocery isles with two carts loading up on whatever strikes my fancy. "Oh look chocolate cheesecakes, mmmm . . . I think I'll take two. And Milk, what the heck . . . why lets get skim, whole, chocolate, and vanilla! You'd like what, darling? Oh sure pick yourself up a couple" Instead I get to be the mean goblin keeper of the budget, "You'd like what?!? Oh I don't think so!" Evil cackling ensues as I watch dreams of yummy foods dashed to bits on the rocks of such wild extravagences as butter and tomatoes.

Oh well. Things will get better. I did get everything I need and I know people are worse off than I am. I keep talking to myself like my mother did when I was a child, "Millions of children in Africa would kill to be in your place" . . . yeah, it didn't make me feel much better then either.

Sep 19, 2005

Do you think she is addicted?

The Little Princess was playing happily quietly in the living room leaving me to nurse my morning coffee and hope that sometime soon, my brain wakes from this fog that Monday morning always seems to bring when all of a sudden mayhem breaks out.

There is yelling and dancing and laughing and all sorts of loud celebrating. Has she suddenly discovered the secret stash of Chocolate that mommy has been hiding? Has she discovered that there is going to be a kids free day McDonalds?

No, no, nothing nearly that monumental, instead she has discovered that Dora the Explorer, the child zombie maker, has come on television. This you understand is cause for great celebration.

Now never mind that she could watch this show any one of 4 times it comes on in a day. Never mind that this is the same episode that she saw on Tuesday and again on Thursday. Nope, the little spanish kid has spoken and all children everywhere must gather to watch her talk too loudly to her map, backpack and that monkey red rubber boots.

Apparently she is the last bastian of all things good and wonderful in the world and she must be listened to very closely, very quietly, very intently for the entire time she is on. What does she do to my child that she is capable of doing that which I can only dream of, keeping her still for more than 3 seconds?

Well tune in next time when we discuss the voodoo powers of a little blue mutt.

Sep 18, 2005

The joy of packing Part one.

Well I am currently buried in a sea of boxes and junk. You would think that having moved as many times as I have, I would have this down to a science. But no, I still wander aimlessly wondering which pile to attack first and thinking screw it all, I will just buy new stuff.

Hell, my stuff has been pack so many times, you would think that it would be trained to pack itself. Wouldn't that be nice, I can see me now, standing on the side like a someone out of Harry Potter waving my wand giving orders, while my stuff flew into boxes all on its own. "Yes, red shoes you go in that box and blue shoes, you are too old, you hop in the garbage." Aaahh that would be so much easier. And so much more fun too watch too. Neighbours from all around would drop by to watch me pack, instead of running in the opposite direction at the mere mention of a moving van.

But since my wand is broken and I can't convince the books and movies to fly into the boxes on their own, I am here drowning in piles of papers, books, movies and boxes. Like a child told to clean their room, I trudge grudgingly back into the mess, thinking that there has to be an easier way. But have no fear dear friends, I will still be here, every once in a while I need to step away from the crap that seems to have overtaken my home and jump on here. So, I won't deprive you of my somewhat amusing ranting for long, I will see you soon. I am pretty sure that this rant is to be continued.

Sep 17, 2005

Somehow they think I'll move again!

Okay, so my friends and family don't think I know how to live in one place. (Gee I am 33 and have moved 34 times in my life . . . I wonder where they got that idea?) Even Prince Charming has questioned me. The thing is, I remember school. I remember being consistently the new kid. I remember losing friends and eventually not making new ones. I can't, WON'T do that to the Little Princess. So I know, deep in my heart, that THIS is the last time. It has to be. I can't do this to the Little Princess. I won't have her growing up that way. I understand why people question me, but I guess I will just have to prove them wrong.

You just watch, I will be so determined that should a hurricane come our way, I will be one of those crazy people refusing to leave my home. I will be 99 and still living on my own in that same house just to prove some people wrong who have long since passed away and had no idea I was proving anything to them anyway.

The way I see it, when other people run into troubles, they don't move, right? Other people have lists of solutions that don't involve moving across the province, country, or city, right? I can do this. I can live in one town forever. I can make a home for my family. Whatever happens this is it.

I will make it my mantra, "I am not going anywhere else. I am not going anywhere else. I am not going anywhere else. " If you pass me on the street, ignore the mumbling I am trying to reprogram my brain to believe I can do something I have never done in my whole life. Come on guys, tell me you believe me. I need someone to have some faith that as crazy as I am I am capable of making a good home for my daughter, in one town. One town where she can have a bestest friend at her wedding that she met in Kindergarten.

I admit it, I am a bad Mommy

We had a rough night with the 3 1/2 year old Little Princess. And I rediscovered something about myself. I am a bad mommy. I am not strong enough to let her cry when she is in bed. When she is in her room all puffy and sobbing I will do almost anything I can to stop the tears. I turn into an overeager teenager trying desperately to impress the cool kid. Do you want this? Will this help? How about this? All I want is for her tears to stop and for her to be happily asleep.

Prince Charming gets stubborn and says there is nothing wrong, she has been fed, she is comfortable, and she is three years old. There is no reason I have to keep going in there. And in my head, I know he is right. She does need to learn that she is not the one pulling the strings. The problem is that if she wakes me up crying at 3 in the morning. She is indeed most definitely, absolutely, the boss. She has me at her beck and call until she is happy and no longer crying. Thank God she is an usually happy kid, she likes going to bed and she doesn't cry going to bed nearly enough to have discovered this conclusion on her own.

Can you imagine our house if The Little Princess discovered she that she had the power to have me at her back and call every night?? Oh god, please don't tell her my dirty little secret. I can't stand to hear her cry in her bed.

Hello, my name is Twisted Cinderella and I am a bad mommy.

Sep 16, 2005

How do some people get to be parent!

This isn't one of my usual funny posts, but I just had to get this off my chest.

I am so heartbroken right now, I can't even tell you. I was watching Dr. Phil and there was a mother on there who has two daughters. The older daughter is thin and beautiful the younger daughter is overweight and has a skin condition. The mother loves her older daughter more. Her older Daughter has a beautiful room and her younger daughter sleeps on the floor in her sisters room. The younger daughter's room was given to her step-brother. The older daughter had a $600 birthday party and the younger had a $30 birthday party. There are so many ways that she treat them differently. The younger daughter knows that she is not loved the same and that she isn't worth as much because she isn't as pretty.

The one person in the world that should love you for who you are is your mother. The one person in the world who should try to help you and motivate you to want to be a better person is your mother. This woman does nothing but judge and dislike her own daughter. What a terrible way for that poor little girl to grow up! I want to take her and gather into my arms and tell her that I think she is beautiful no matter what skin condition or weight she has. She deserves to be treated so much better.

HOW CAN THIS WOMAN TREAT HER DAUGHTER THIS WAY! I want so bad to tell this little girl that she deserves to be loved that she is special. I would never want my little girl to be treated this way by anyone and this girl's own mother is treating her this way and it completely breaks my heart. It just isn't fair.

Sally is possessed (Otherwise titled My Coffee Perk is Out to Get Me)

My Coffee Perk, Sally, is possessed. I swear she is. By some weird, mean vindictive person who loves to play the same trick over and over again. I have loved Sally for exactly 6 months. Before Sally I had a little, stirdy, perk. She wasn't nearly as flashy and fancy as Sally. Sally can make my coffee before I even get out of bed. I wake up to the wonderful smell of my greatest addiction being prepared in anticipation of my arrival. What a great pal, Sally is. And if I am overanxious for my coffee, Sally has a non-drip feature which means that I can pull out the pot without making a mess.

But now, out of nowhere, Sally has become possessed. And you know that little receptical that holds coffee grinds and water goes through it to make coffee? Well, in the middle of a cycle for no apparent reason, Sally will thrust that halfway open. In her deviousness, she knows that water will keep coming in but with the receptacle is no longer touching the pot so water can't leave.

So while I am otherwise occuppied waiting for Sally to do her thing and give me the sweet nectar that is coffee and all of a sudden I see it . . . a long trail of coffee trailing across the counter, onto the floor, under the stove, and across the kitchen to meet me. Now I LOVE coffee but I really don't need it meeting me in the doorway unfettered by such common restraints as coffee cups or mugs.

Maybe Sally and Bob are in cahoots to drive me crazy. All I know is between Bob's antics, Sallys possession and moving I may lose my mind. You may soon see me wandering aimlessly through the streets muttering under my breath about coffee, computers and little tin soilders. Well I gotta go, I just set Sally going and I need to make sure that the coffee hasn't flown the coop yet.

Sep 15, 2005

Did I say THREE WEEKS!?!

So with the stress of moving I spent all night last night having the oddest dreams. Its true, I had little tin soilders packing up dishes, I had dishes packing books, and I had a whole band of circus clowns packing up my underwear. Why were they packing my underwear? I have no idea, I don't have nearly enough underwear to interest any clowns that are out there.

I am slightly freaking out here! THREE WEEKS!!!! THREE WEEKS!!!! Holy Freaking Cow! How do I pack up my whole house in three weeks. (And please don't remind me that I once moved in two days after a hurricane destroyed our home, it really won't help me, I am in full panic mode at the moment!) I am going to be up to elbows in movies, books, and toys for the next three weeks. If you come by my house and see me wandering aimlessly, please put the coffee back into my hand and point me in the direction of the nearest box, I probably got confused somewhere between movie number 213 and book number 152. I feel like the the white rabbit, "I'm Late! I'm Late! I"m Late for a very important date!" Aaaahhh help me!

Sep 14, 2005

Stop the World, I want to get off!!

Okay, so since I know you were all waiting breathlessly to find out where we decided to move, I thought I should let you know. (No, don't disillusion me from my belief that you live vicariously through my blog. I am happy in my little dreamworld) We decided NOT to move to the Ass End of Nowhere (read also as dh's hometown) instead we will be moving to The Slightly More Populated Almost Ass End of Nowhere (45 minutes from said hometown). Having come to this decision we thought it best to inform our respective parents.

I phoned my father with some trepidation, knowing that he hasn't approved of my last 3 moves and would like me to just go where he lives. He completely shocks me and tells me he thinks this is a wonderful idea! WHAT???? YOU APPROVE?? Okay who are you and what have you done with my father. No complaining or disapproving silences? Nothing?? Just approval. Being so excited that he was happy that I wanted to pee myself, I didn't think I could handle this revelation with the calm cool demeanor he expected. So I hung up and handed the phone to Prince Charming.

Now my father in law has not approved of anything Prince Charming has dones since he brought home his less than charming ex-hooker girlfriend (and no that wasn't me silly one), so we expected more of the usual retoric about how he is ruining life and has no idea how to act like a grownup. And . . . HE APPROVED!!! Not did he approve, he is coming in town and will help us move! This is a new record, we have never in our whole life made both our parents happy at the same time. When I got pregnant, his parents thought it was too soon, my parents were thrilled. Ditto for our wedding. When we moved back to Newfoundland, my parents thought it was a horrible idea, his parents were thrilled. So this whole thing about making both our parents happy at the same time, was a confusing new development for us. But we hung up the phone and luxuriated in the warmth of parental approval and set a time frame for our move.

We decided that the end of November would be a good time to move. It would give us 2 months to pack and save money for our move. Moving a whole house of furniture is expensive, having moved 33 times in my life, I should know. Wonderful, lots of time to prepare and get ready.

But then . . . we got a call from my sister in law. She is moving away with her own Prince and little prince and has a whole house of furniture that she is not taking and would I be interested in having hers instead of mine. So we pretend to ponder this decision. Mmmm . . . . lets see no moving expense, free furniture. That sounds good. We have a broken bed and one dresser, she has a complete bedroom suite and another bed as well as 3 dressers. She has an entertainment center and we have a wonderful state of the art tv on a trunk look. Gee, I think maybe this might be a GREAT opportunity for us. We try to sound appropriately hestitant as we jumped all over her idea. Now, we are giving our furniture to a friend who is getting her first place and we get grown up furniture. Woohoo!

But she says, that she needs us to take it, in October. OCTOBER?????? THAT SOON??? There goes our end of November plan. Suddenly after one phone call, I have a whole house full of furniture and my father in law will be here next month because, I am moving in 3 weeks!!! 3 WEEKS!!! AAAAAAAAACCCCKKK!!! OMG! I am so dumbstruck and confused I don't know what I am saying. Bob, crashed halfway through typing this and I had no idea what I had said.

Sorry, if this dragged on a little long, but did I tell you . . . I am moving in THREE WEEKS!!!!!

Arguing with Bob

Okay this computer of mine, I'll call him Bob, is going to cause me to do something drastic. Bob has his own personality and apparently I have done something to offend him. I have tried being extra nice and spending more time with him and whispering sweet nothings in his speakers, but apparently it takes more than that to sooth Bob's injured feelings.

Bob has taken to throwing tantrums that consist of such frustrating antics as locking up, turning himself off at random moments and the most common trait of all, shutting down various programs like Adobe Photoshop or Explorer with no notice. This is very frustrating and if you walk by my house you may be subjected to all kinds of colorful language as Bob and I argue over who exactly is the boss in this situation. I keep saying that I control the power, the keys and the hard drive and Bob's response is to give me a raspberry and shut down. I swear in the silence that follows, I can hear mechanical laughing.

There are days, I would like to leave Bob on the corner for some other poor unsuspecting fool to love, but then, I wouldn't be able to chat with you guys and I think I would slowly lose my mind. (But then again, I am arguing with a computer so maybe it is too late for that).

I tell myself that I can leave Bob, I don't need him. He is too much of a pain in the ass and I can move on, but like a drug addicted hooker I keep coming back for more punishment because lets face it when faced with a happy life without Bob, his issues and the internet, I would rather be unhappy.

I have to go now, because I have typed way to much and Bob is giving me the evil eye. If he shuts down now, I may have to hurt someone.

Sep 13, 2005

When I grow up, I want to be like Johnny

I just saw a program about Johnny Cash and his love for June. I want our love to be like that. Their love was incredible. A year before he died he was in his living room, strumming his guitar for an actor and he apologized and said that he was waiting for June to come back to get his nerve up to sing. He depended on her so much. They had a wonderful enduring love that lasted 35 years.

In a small way, my love for Josh is like that. I depend on him to keep me sane (yes, be afriad without him I am MUCH worse). He is my strength, my support, and my love. I only hope I can be half as much to him as he is to me.

Once upon a time, he gave me flowers every day and told me constantly how beautiful I was. And I was thrilled. These days he makes sure I take care of myself and suprises me with dinner and a video and I am thrilled. His gestures of love may be a little less grand and romantic but when he puts his arms around me late at night or when he yells at me because he is worried about me, I hear the underlying message that he loves me and I am thrilled.

When we grow up, I want our marriage to be like Johnny Cash and June Carter.

I must be crazy

We may actually be doing this. We are wavering between the ass end of nowhere and a slightly more populated almost ass end of nowhere. According to Prince Charming it all depends on whether or not we can get dsl in the ass end of nowhere. At least he has his priorities straight, LOL. Someone remind me why this is a bad idea.

A little redecoration!

So, what do you thing with what I have done to the place? As you can tell, I have redecorated and spruced th place up, you know, made it more me! So let me know, can you see the writing? Are the links easy to read? Is it too bright?

Oh well it was nice thought

I called about the job. I was oh so excited. But alas, it was not to be. This job pays less than I am making now if I worked full time and it is only part time hours. On top of that, it was only temporary. Oh well, back to the drawing board. It is looking like, Prince Charming's hometown is becoming a real possibility. (Oh God, Save me!)


I just found a job here in town that could be perfect for me. If I get this, I don't have to move! It is only part-time to start but it leads to full time and it is an office manager position!!!! OH HAPPY DAY! If I get this, I don't have to move! Hallelujah!! If I get this, I don't have to move! I would love to get this job! I am perfect for it! I have been an office manager before and did I mention that if I get this, I don't have to move? Woohoo, wish me luck guys!

Adventures in Potty Land

I swear my kid is the oddest kid in the Potty land. Here is how pottytime goes with The Little Princess. She comes running up to me breathless and excited, "Mommy! Mommy! I gotta go potty!" Then we both hurry down the bathroom where I help her get herself on the potty. At this point, I turn out the bathroom lights (weird, but she likes it that way, the fan is too loud) and I leave with the bathroom door open. When she is done, she hollers out, "I'm DONE MOMMY!" And I holler back, "Good Girl, now wipe your bum". She wipes and washes and then one of two things happens either she comes down the hall to me with her pants around her ankles wobbling pricariously this way and that trying desperately not to fall on her butt or even funnier she comes down the hall with the front of her pants pulled up and she is as proud as can be because she did it herself, however when you turn around her little butt is hanging out and she has only figured out how to pull up the front of her pants! What a goofy funny girl!

Sep 12, 2005

I don't think I can handle the excitement.

Oh the excitement and buildup! They were telling us for weeks there was going to be a race on our streets and everyone was oh so excited! So the day of the great race come, and we all gather outside on our driveway to watched this wonderous exciting event take place. All along our street people could be seen sitting in chairs, with signs to cheer on their favorite cars. Rain couldn't dampen the excitement as people waited breathlessly for the cars to come. 1/2 hour after the event started, we saw the first car. In a flash a newly painted, sticker covered, brown station wagon was gone and we turned our heads to wait for the next car. We waited. We waited. We waited some more and then 4 minutes later a lovely blue voltswagon came zooming by. 6 minutes later an ugly concoction that looks something like a pickup truck crossed with a 1979 chevrolet makes its way past our house. THIS is the exciting event that we have been waiting for??? 2 hours of random cars driving by really fast. That is all. I don't know what I was expecting. But this was NOT it. I guess I expected a bunch of cars to come racing by at breakneck speeds each vying for their corner of the road. But this was more like a leisurely Sunday Afternoon drive through the country on Speed. Normal cars driving a little too fast past our house? How is that any different than any other day. The way I figure it, if they were going to close the roads when fast drivers were going down our road they should close it every day between 4 and 6! Anyway I guess I am not a guy and I just don't have the testosterone levels to understand this event. I'm going to go get some coffee and laugh at the silly idiots that are still sitting out there in the rain waiting for some idiot car to drive by really fast.

life with a three year old

I swear to god she cracks me up soo much. Today we were trying to find out if she knew what her name is. So we unsuspecting humble townfolks, asked her name only to have her inform us that her name is, "My name is Your Majesty". OMG! She is just too funny sometimes. I guess she really is The Little Princess. Only I wasn't informed, she was the master of our household. I guess by the number of times, I do her bid and calling I should have known that, huh?

I must be crazy

I can't believe this, but I'm considering moving to my dh's hometown. His father has said he can get me a job down there. It would mean being close to family, I would get to visit my mother-in-law whenever I wanted. But it would mean being close to my father-in-law and all that entails. I would like being in a small town and being close to family but this place is on the ass end of no where. I mean this place is so far away from everything the even the mice leave to shopping on grocery day. Anyway, I am in a whirlwind of discussions and decisions and I really don't know which way to turn quite yet. I will keep you updated as I decide on whether or not I am crazy enough to do this.

One of the great mysteries of the universe

Can you please explain to me how it is possible for me to get a night off from cooking and to end up doing more work than if I had just cooked? I don't understand how a simple meal of burritos made by ever so loving and helpful Prince Charming can turn my kitchen into disaster central. Let me set the scene; I sit happily in the living room blissfully unaware of the carnage taking place in my kitchen. I eat my supper still not knowing what has happened to my kitchen. But alas, after supper, I dare to enter the war zone. I look around in bewilderment at the mess that used to be my kitchen. Every pot and utensil has been used and are scattered randomly amidst a sea of grated cheese, random bits of chopped onion, dirty dishes and open empty cans. My wonderful Prince Charming is so proud of his wonderful delicious meal seeminly unaware of the disaster zone that stands where my kitchen once was. But, I love him, god bless his soul and so I go in and listen to my music and take on clean up duty, in no time at all, I have my kitchen back in tip top shape, just in time to make the family meal.

Sep 11, 2005

Oh God, am I that old???

What the heck is a PSP movie? I was watching television last night and they advertised a new movie that was now available in DVD and PSP. PSP!!!! What the heck is that???? I am apparrently so old, I have lived through three innovations in the movie field; VHS, DVD and now PSP??? And not only am I so old that I have seen so much new stuff come and go, I am so old I don't even know what the new stuff is????? Oh god, shoot me now, before I start going on and on about life in my day and how kids these days don't know how lucky they are. I am going to go now before I start talking to myself . . .psp what the heck is psp??

Now THAT is embarressing

Okay at said gathering of 400 people, I am attempting to take my The Little Princess on one of her many bathroom excursions when I notice that the gigantic, worn to death, elastic gone out of the waist underwear that I am wearing (come on admit it, you have some too) has started to slip down over the ample cheeks of my butt! But I convince myself that my butt is big enough that my underwear wouldn't, couldn't fall down. But as I hurry along, I realize that this was a faulty logic because my underwear is sliding ever so slowly down over my butt and I have my hands full with a bag with a potty seat in it in one hand and a prone to wandering three-year-old so I can't fix this.(everywhere across cyberland I can hear loud laughter filling rooms at the idea of my predicament) I flinch in shock when I realize that said lovely underwear has indeed fallen down over my butt and are now being clenched tightly between my legs as I walk like a bird with my legs together praying the I don't lose the underwear somewhere along the way. Let me tell you, I have never been so embarressed. And yet, I sit here telling you about it. Why? I don't know, I am a masochist, I guess and I need to share. Or maybe I decided that you deserve a laugh today. Well, I gotta go now, I have a underwear drawer to sort through.

Sep 10, 2005

Tales from the diet trenches

I came out of the closet today. It is hard to deny that you aren't eating carbs when you are eating chili salad instead of a burrito. It must say, it was yummy though.

Can you explain to me why there are so many darned commercials for chocolate bars. I mean really, if you advertised it twice in the last commercial is really necessary to do the same thing again this time??? Chocolate is my weakness. I can see doing low carb forever until I remember the wonders of glorious, sweet, luxurious, tempting chocolate. It calls to me late at night. Telling me how good I will feel if I just have one bite. But no, I tell myself I don't want chocolate, what I really want is a nice big handful of nuts. Watch me eat these nuts and pretend they are covered in deep, rich, chocolate. Mmmmm . . . . heaven in a wrapper.

Don't try this at home, folks

Have you ever tried to sit quietly with a three-year-old in a room filled with four hundred people for 8 hours? Don't. I don't reccommend it. After having tried this today, all I can say, is . . . I surrender. I surrender to the fact that my child needs to pee at least every half hour. I surrender to the fact that my child needs to be singing some song at the top of her lungs most of the time. I surrender to the fact that my child will do everything she can to charm the entire room, except sit still and be quiet. I am so tired. I want my mommy!

Sep 9, 2005

Aaawwww, now I'm sad

My poor baby is in the other room sleeping. And from her room, I can hear her talking in her sleep. It is really quite heartbreaking to hear a three-year-old little princess begging someone not to go away in her sleep. I swear, I want to go in there and hug her and reassure her. But she isn't crying, she doesn't seem overly distressed so that would be dumb, right? I don't know. Why doesn't this mothering thing come with a manual anyway? I mean, where is the chapter that discussing, Instructions For When The Little Princess Is Saying Sad Things In Her Sleep But Does Not Actually Seem Sad. I swear there are days I could really use a manual. Definitely Potty Training should come with a manual. I think, kids should pre potty trained. That is a hell I could have lived without. There is no frustration greater than having your child look at you, smile sweetly, and then look down and pee on the floor. There is no word big enough to describe that feeling! Can you tell, that this is a fresh pain for me? I just finished and let me tell you, potty training duty should be given to high school kids as a form of birth control. I can see it now, "Listen kid, if you have unprotected sex and get pregnant, you will have to do this in a couple years. Fun? No? Think about it." Every kid there would go out and immediately buy birth control. Oh well, we are done now. At least for when she is awake. I am just not ready to attack her bathroom duties when she is sleeping yet.

Well, I guess there was little detour you didn't expect to take. ooops, I guess I am not a very disciplined blogger. My mind wanders and I tend to get verbal diarhea and go on and on. On that lovely note, I am going to sign out for now. Chat at ya later.

If she doesn't hide the fries, I may have to mug her

I haven't been having a lot of cravings but my friend just came home with Fried Chicken, Taters, and gravy. OMG! If she doesn't hide that, I may have to jump on top of her, and go Cookie Monster on her Fries. (oh brother, did you hear that? Cookie Monster??? I must have a three year old in the house!)

I didn't give in, I went away, presumably to bed, but really here to bore you all to death. So how am I doing? Everywhere across cyberland people are madly clicking links to get out of this deathtrap of boredom. Don't go away quite yet, I promise I will try not to be too boring all at one shot.

A new diet

I started doing Atkins yesterday and it is kinda tough on a budget. But I have gained a LOT of weight and I need to get this gone. So here I go again. I am kinda keeping it a secret though. Because my freinds get all worried about me getting obsessed yet again. But at least Atkins lets you eat until you are full. That is something, right? Someone please tell me that eating some protien whenever I am hungry is a good thing. I am eating lots of the right veggies too. So I figure at this point it is less than I was eating before. So something good has to be happening.

Starting Fresh

Okay so I decided that maybe starting a blog to pour into all my feelings, thoughts, musings and private stuff that I keep inside and then telling everyone I knew about it, may have been a dumb idea. I can't talk about how Prince Charming drives me crazy, if my father is going to read the blog and ask me about it. So I am starting again. Here I will feel free to say whatever it is I have to say. Now, we get to find out if I have anything to say.