Dec 30, 2005

I wonder where they are

Where are they now? I woke up this morning remembering my bosses from one of my first jobs. I was a cake decorator and I loved it dearly. It was long hours on my feet and I didn't get any respect but I enjoyed being creative. I enjoyed being the only one that could do cakes quite the way I did. I worked there for 5 years and then when I moved, I did the same job for another three years. I loved it.

My bosses were really awesome. I used to babysit their grandchildren on occasion and they treated me really well. And suddenly this morning, after all these years, I had an incredible urge to send them a card and say hi and ask them how they are doing. It was fun to reminicse and I really don't even know where they are anymore but I am thinking, maybe I will see if I can locate them and see how they are.

Dec 29, 2005

The last Thursday Thirteen of 2005

Thirteen Things about Twisted Cinderella

1. Grandpa Grumpy took Little Princess Belle out on the skidoo today. It was so cute to see them grinning as they sped around and around.

2. I brought Grandma Great some homemade turkey soup. Just my way of saying thanks.

3. I had a couple of drinks last night. Just 3 but I am so tired today I wonder if that is why.

4. LP Belle has a new baby doll that she is really mothering. It is so adorable.

5. I often get the feeling that LP Belle is a consolation prize in replacement of the grandson who moved away. It makes me sad. I wish that they would say that they love her and are glad to see her not that they are glad she is here as it helps with the pain of missing their grandson.

6. I guess I am oversensitive.

7. I know that this is hard for them so I don't say anything.

8. When Grandpa Grumpy got a picture of his grandson for Christmas, he had to leave the room sobbing. He completely broke down.

9. It was heartbreaking and sad.

10. I am making spaghetti for Notsosnowwhite for supper. It is one of her favorite meals.

11. I have so much to do today and all I really want to do is sit around drinking coffee and visiting with Notsosnowwhite.

12. We have been so tired every night since she got here we have gone to bed early every night.

13. Around here it is the tradition to keep all the decorations up and all the opened presents under the tree to show visitors when they come to visit until Old Christmas Day (Jan 6). It is slowly starting to spread out around the living room with LP Belle picking at it and I am about ready to put it away. Do you think I will hold out until Jan 6?

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Dec 28, 2005

Hi from the land of love and laughter. We are having a grand time. We have been watching shows, giggling and chatting and catching up on our lives in the last couple of months. Right at this moment she is actually vaccuuming my carpet while Little Princess Belle cuddles in Prince Charming's arms as he protects her from the big bad vaacuum cleaner. (I didn't make her clean . . . honest!)

It is great to have her back. I am planning on making all her favorite foods while she is here, starting with the Turkey soup and tea biscuits I made yesterday. Coming to visit me is like going to visit her mom in a way, she gets to go home and get all her favorite home cooked meals since she doesn't cook on her own. I get to make sure she is taking care of herself and she makes sure that I don't stress myself out too much over the little things and that Prince Charming helps me as much as he should. We take care of each other, tell each other everything and don't judge each other but in the same time, we are completely honest.

We are planning on going out to the New Years Party here with Prince Charming and Grandma Great. It should be great fun, I have a babysitter booked and we are even going to have a few drinks before we leave. (I hardly ever have anything to drink at all so it should be a little fun to let loose a little)

On a side note, LP Belle was so sweet this morning. She woke up all smiles and giggles and we laughed and watched Madagascar over breakfast. Too much fun.

she just opened up a Baby Princess Belle dolly that Grandma Great gave her. She just kept saying, "Aww shes so cute mommy!" Then she took her dolly and started treating her like a baby. She fed her, she changed her, she combed her hair and then she kissed her, lay her on a pillow, and walked away saying, "Go to sleep, Baby, I love you. Good night." This is the same way I say good night every night since she has been born. That moment just melted me into a little puddle of me. Sometimes I love her so much!

Here's to you having as much fun today as I am and I will see you tomorrow.

Dec 27, 2005

Introducing my best friend . . . Notsosnowwhite!!

I thought that since you have heard so much about her I thought it was time that you got to meet the infamous Notsnowwhite. My best friend, my confidante and the missing part of my brain. So here she is . . . Nosnowhite.

Hi everybody! How are ya? It took almost 24 hours to get here but I am finally here. The trip normally takes about 8 hours but I got stuck in the middle of a snow storm, isn't that just my luck? Last night I definitely put the SNOW in NotsoSNOWwhite. But thoughts of Belle keep me forging ahead towards the Twisted Castle. So merry Christmas to all of you, kisses from me.

Dec 25, 2005

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

In a blur of flying wrapping paper and noisy relatives, the big day has come and gone. It was fun. Nobody noticed or cared that the gifts were more scarce than last year and Grandma Great worked her tail off to make sure that it was just as special.

Now as I sit here bleary eyed and hazy from lack of sleep and an early morning rise. I am glad that I made it through and that everyone is happy.

Tomorrow, I hope, Notsosnowhite will arrive and I will get the best present of all, spending some time with my best friend for the holidays. I am so anxious to see her and to visit with her. I love her more than I could love any relative by blood and just thinking about her now reminds me of how much I miss her. How many people get the chance to REALLY get to know their best friend? How many people get to have their best friend live with them for the first three years of their daughter's life. Close quarters and everything else included, through that process, Prince Charming and I gained a best friend and my daughter gained an Aunt that loves her more than words can ever say. How lucky can I be?

Well now that exhaustion has gone and made me sappy, I am going to sign off. Here's to a wonderful Christmas for all and for many more to come.

Dec 23, 2005

Friday Fifteen

Since I was gone all day yesterday, I missed out on Thursday Thirteen. So, I figure this week I will change it to Friday Fifteen.

1. Prince Charming went to be earlier than I did the last two nights in a row. But with my insomnia that isn't such a huge accomplishment.

2. He has also gotten up earlier than I did the last two mornings. This hasn't happened at all in the last 6 months!!

3. I am feeling a little better about the things that were keeping me awake. I am sure that Christmas morning will be wonderful no matter what I have or don't have under the tree.

4. I am planning to start my baking today.

5. I actually think starting close to Christmas is a good idea. That way there will be more left for Christmas morning.


7. I am talking via email to an old friend that I had fought with. And while I am happy the rift is beginning to be over, I can't bring myself to be all that excited about it either. I am feeling kinda neutral about the whole thing.

8. I have cooked ground pork the last 4 meals I cooked. I manage to make it different each time so it isn't so bad.

9. I am trying to make sure that when Notsosnowwhite comes, I have more than ground pork to feed her.

10. Last night we ate at Grandma Great's house.

11. I spent all day at her house helping her get ready for Christmas.

12. She wanted to pay me, and as broke as I am, I couldn't take her money. She has done and continues to do so much for us that I can't repay, the least I can do is help her out with all the huge amounts of work she does.

13. Her daughter moved across the country with my nephew in October and Grandma Great is having a hard time because this will be the first Christmas they have spent away from both of them.

14. Grandpa Grumpy for all his usual grumpiness misses his grandson immensely. It is rather heartbreaking actually. I think that spending Christmas with Little Princess Belle will help with that somewhat.

15. I sometimes secretly worry that they compare having her around with having him around. I worry that she is too noisy, too picky, too whiny. I am her mommy and I think that she is perfect. I just want Grandpa Grumpy and Grandma Great to think she is too.

Dec 22, 2005

Do you know where the off switch is?

Do you know how to turn off my brain? I need to find that switch that enables all the worries to race around your brain in the middle of the night. Because it is 4 oclock in the freakin morning and I haven't been asleep yet!!! And at this point my Little Princess Belle is not sleeping but has chosen this opportune moment to start singing at the top of her lungs in her room. I did go in and insist that she stop drumming on her toybox but that is the best I can do. She is wide awake and so am I. But, I'll bet that she is a lot less grumpy tomorrow than I am. So I am going to go to bed, listen to the musical interlude from the Little Princess Belle and think about Christmas and how I want it to be perfect and how I wish I had more money to make it special and to get the gifts that I truly would like to get for the people I love. And then I am going to try to pretend to sleep at least a little before the sun comes up.

And tomorrow . . . I'll be taking that caffeine intravenously please!

Dec 20, 2005

Tuesday Talk

Random Thoughts on my mind today:

1. Prince Charming slept 15 hours last night. I was about ready to have him declared legally comatose when he woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed at the crack of noon.

2. I cooked corned fish for the first time in my life today. It tasted a lot like a salted dried fish. It was really good and I will do it again for sure. Prince Charming even had some and he hates fish. (His father is a fisherman . . . go figure)

3. I put up a few more decorations around the house today. My house looks wonderful.

4. I looked up recipes for cookies to make and my printer is out of ink that means that I have to write each recipe out by hand! UGH! I hate actually writing things. Typing is so much easier. I am even having Coffee, tea, egg nog, and fresh baked biscuits and muffins on Christmas morning for while we open our gifts.

5. I am feeling on top of things now and I love it. I could use a nap like Prince Charming had last night, but other than that I am happy. Prince Charming came up to me today and hugged me, kissed me on the cheek and told me how beautiful I made the house look. Mmmm it is nice to be appreciated. He even came down and sat with me in the rec room while I did laundry today. What a sweetie!

Dec 19, 2005

It has finally ARRIVED!!

Hear ye! Hear ye! I would like to herald the exodus of the twisted Grinch! The Christmas Season has finally arrived at the twisted Castle!

I finally got into town to do my Christmas Shopping! Woohoo!!! Woohoo!!! I am so GLAD!!! I was completely overwhelmed at first. I had a list 3 pages long of things (including food) I had to buy and I really didn't know where to start. I was standing there bewildered wandering like a lost puppy. And then when I got started I kept forgetting where I was. It really is rather stressful to do the entirety of your Christmas Shopping on one day with a teeny tiny budget. But I got it DONE!!!! Woohoo!!! I am going to wrap presents and do laundry tomorrow and then the next day I will bake cookies and then I am free for Christmas to arrive!!

So now, I am here completely exhausted. But glad. And when Grandma Great saw my decorations she called Grandpa Grumpy to come in out of the truck and look at them. They were so impressed that she is actually going to copy something that did! I love it!

Dec 18, 2005

Too tired for anything but a Quickie

Guys I am TIRED! Tired with a capital T. I just spent 7 hours decorating our house. And it still feels like I should decorate the hall and the kitchen a little more. But I have to say, the living room is beautiful! I did my tree in mostly gold and red. And then put mostly red and gold decorations around. I put up a fake fireplace to hang the stockings, and I put up snowflakes and cards and all sorts of stuff.

Today decorating with the Little Princess and singing to Christmas Carols on the radio, it was suddenly Christmas. It was nice.

My young cousin came over and she helped put up streamers on the ceiling. As we were doing it, she looked at me and said, "this is fun, it feels like a family thing." I was touched. Her parents are divorced and she is constantly being pulled back and forth and it was nice that for a few moments this evening, she felt like she was doing a family thing.

Anyway, that's all folks. I am exhausted and due to the aches I keep discovering new muscles. But at last Christmas has come to the Twisted Castle.

Dec 17, 2005

And how was your Saturday?

How was your Saturday? Were you out preparing for Christmas?

I took Little Princess Belle to the local kids Christmas Party. It is held at a restaurant/store and the kids have the run of the place for the afternoon. They provided hotdogs and hamburgers and drinks. The kids all played games and danced to music and ran around being silly. Then Santa came and gave a gift to each kid. The Little Princess got to meet two future classmates and I got to meet their moms. So, it was really really nice. She was completely exhausted and on the way home was dropping to sleep. When we walked in the door, she actually walked up to her room and asked to take a nap. Not THAT is a tired girl, folks!

It helped to make it feel more like Christmas is coming. As of now, it seems that Grandpa Grumpy and Grandma Great have decided to wait until December 20 to take me in to do all my Christmas Shopping. Did you get that? I am going to START my christmas shopping on DECEMBER 20!!!!!!! AAACCCKKKK!!! then I have to come home and do my baking, wrapping, and all the rest of stuff that comes with the season.

Oh well, today was a fun day. She was thrilled to meet Santa! And she was so excited to hug him and get a present. So how about you? What did you do today?

Dec 16, 2005

Flashback Friday

The theme for this week's Flashback Friday is to post a Christmas (or if you don’t celebrate Christmas, the December holiday of your choice) flashback. Write about what you wanna write about - whether it’s from your childhood, your adulthood, your parenthood or anything in between.

I remember after hurricane Juan, we had just lost our home and were living in a really crappy apartment with tiny windows, stained carpets, and broken closets and it was truly awful. It looked dirty all the time no matter how I scrubbed. Losing our home and all of our groceries as well as every stitch of clothing I owned and my bed and so much more meant that we were really really broke. Grandma Great had sent us some stuff in the mail to help with Christmas but it was going to be a VERY lean christmas. We weren't even going to have a real Christmas dinner. One day, I got a call from where I worked when the hurricane struck. A former supervisor there had called that she had a present for the Little Princess. I felt so honored that she remembered my baby at Christmas and that she had wanted to give her a present.

When she came to the door, she wasn't alone, she had brought another co-worker with her. And . . . they had a load of presents and gift-cards for us. Apparently the office sponsors a family every year for Christmas (usually choses through the salvation army) but this year, without telling anyone they had chosen the family themeselves. And, it was us. We had gift cards for the local grocery store, and more at walmart and beautiful gifts. I was so touched. We had an amazing Christmas and it was all thanks the unexpected generosity that came from all the people who worked in that department of Dalhousie University. I will eternally be grateful for their kindness.

Dec 15, 2005

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about Twisted Cinderella

1. I am a little stressed that I STILL haven't bought any presents for anyone

2. I can't buy anything until I get into town when Grandpa Grumpy and Grandma Great take me in

3. I haven't put up one decoration.

4. I am putting them up on Sunday. This was as soon Prince Charming would let me put them up.

5. I am going to go help Grandma Great clean her house today.

6. Every year she cleans and paints her entire house including all her cupboards before Christmas.

7. I have never heard of anyone else who does that. She tires herself out every year preparing for Christmas.

8. I have no intention of being that tired on Christmas morning.

9. We have finally made plans for Christmas morning. Grandpa Grumpy and Grandma Great are coming over to our house before we get up the Little Princess. We will open all our presents here and then go to her house.

10. Little Princess gets to open more presents at Grandma Great's house and then we will have Christmas Dinner with her. Woohoo I don't gotta cook Christmas dinner!!!

11. Woohoo 12 more days until I get to see my best friend again.

12. I have actually emailed and talked to an old friend. I was really impressed with our conversation.

13. Even Prince Charming was impressed with the things that she said. It was a short conversation but Prince Charming said, "It took 2 years but it looks like the whole thing is over". Meaning that the "fight" is over. Heck I haven't been made for 1 years and 11 months.

13 1/2. In posting this week, I accidentally deleted last week's Thursday Thirteen. Oops.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Dec 14, 2005

So much for my good attitude (warning some serious whining is about to follow)

Tonight I miss civilization. I don't own a car and I miss buses and taxis. I miss being able to go where I want when I want. I hate that a week ago, Grandpa Grumpy promised to pick me up some vegetables at the market while he was there. And earlier, he promised to pick them up today. But tonight, I ate rice because Grandpa Grumpy couldn't be bothered to keep his promise.

I hate that Grandma Great promised to take me into town today when she went so we could get groceries together and then yesterday she went without me. So now I am stuck without groceries because I can't get to a g*d-d*mn store. I am so frustrated.

I that I moved in the winter and that it is hard to get around so that means the only people I know in town are Grandpa Grumpy and Grandma Great. I hate that my best friend lives so far away and so when Prince Charming and the Little Princess take and afternoon nap, I am left alone with no one to talk to. Some days I like to be alone, but some days I would love a to have a girlfriend to chat with or someone to talk to.

I know I will be fine and that part of this is will be cured when I finally own a car and part of it is that it is winter and I have only been here about a month and a half. But today I would kill to be able to hop on a bus and go Christmas Shopping and then stop for coffee on the way home.

There are advantages to living in the peace and quiet of a rural area. A small school for the Little Princess, a crime rate of zero, vegetables straight from the farm, etc. But there are also disadvantages and today they are driving me crazy and making me lonely and sad.

Dec 13, 2005

Questions answered

Okay, so there were a few questions about yesterdays post. I will attempt to answer them here, remembering that all of this happened to me when I was three and it isn't something I really talked about much with my parents so some of my memories may be a bit foggy.

1. My loss of sight seems to be due to a genetic condition. My father and all of his family have vision problems as does my mother and her family. Mine was just worse than theirs. It was a combination of extreme near-sightedness and my eyes were turned outwards to some degree.

2. To "fix" it, they did a two operations on my eyes. They did each eye one at a time. (WARNING THIS MAY BE A LITTLE GRAPHIC) They took my eye from my socket and operated on it and the muscles behind it. I have no recollection of this whole thing, I only remember the trip home from the hospital.

3. As far as I know, there are not a lot of precautions I have to take. Since my vision is still so bad, I am also at a risk for retina detachment so I have symptoms I have to watch for which would require an operation within 2 days.

4. I am not sure of my exact perscription. My eyes have steadily deteriorated since the operation. Every year I require a stronger pair of glasses. My glasses are normal glasses but they are strong, I do have the lenses that are made special to be thinner so that they appear normal. When I was wearing contacts, it took my eye doctor 3 manufacturers to find someone who made lenses strong enough for me.

5. Since my parents discovered I was blind when I was three, no one is quite sure when it started. I didn't remember it being any other way that is why my strongest memory is of amazement and wonder on the way home from the hospital.

Things I never told you- part one

Did I ever tell you I was blind when I was three? It is true and it goes like this.

I don't remember being blind. It just seemed to me to be the world was supposed to be that way and I had no idea that anyone else was any different than I was. I do however, remember coming home from the hospital afterwards. It was like a window was opened on the world. I walked through the same streets that I had walked with my parents before, I strolled through the same mall I had gone to a hundred times in the past, but this time I was awestruck. I remember pointing out lights and pictures and shiny things amazed that I had never seen them before. I remember that at first the ground seemed to be coming up to meet me. I remember having troubles judging at first how far away the ground was and thinking my foot was about to hit the ground and then my foot slamming down as the ground was further than I thought. I remember wonder, amazement, excitment, thrill, and joy.

I don't however remember being blind. I don't remember the day at supper that my mother realized I couldn't see. You see, I was three. I didn't act blind. I may have seemed a little clumsy but I had adjusted to the world as I knew it and they didn't know. So, one day at dinner, my mother sits watching me eat. Quietly, she looks at my father and says, "Honey, she can't see." Dad looks back at her incredulously and says, "Well, of course she can." Mom looks back at him and repeats, "No, she can't just watch her." And so they did. As they watched, I reached for my glass and missed. I reached again, and again until I located it. When I had located it, I drank my drink and then placed it down where I knew it was. The same thing happened when I tried to eat. I picked up my fork and stabbed at the table until I found my plate. Once I had found my plate, I ate my dinner. Watching me and suddenly realizing what I was doing, made them realize that I actually couldn't see and then they scheduled an appointment.

Through the years, my eyesight has deteriorated, and I have been told there is a possibility that one day, I could again lose my eyesight, but this time permanently. I remember walking around my house as a child with a blindfold over my eyes to test to see what the world would be like if that should happen.

But in the meantime, I have been blessed with 30 years and counting of eyesight. I have seem my husband, I have seen my inlaws and my nephew and most important of all . . . I have seen the beautiful big brown eyes of my Little Princess, I have seen her crooked smile and her curly fuzzy hair. And because of that there is nothing that can happen in the future that could ever make me sad about losing my eyesight.

I don't look at it as losing something, I look at is as a gift the doctors gave me 30 years ago that I will treasure as long as I have it.

Dec 11, 2005

Conversations overheard at the Twisted Castle

"Mommy! Mommy! I hurt my foot."
"How did you hurt your foot?"
"I fell down" sounds of 3 1/2 year old feet running across the floor.
"What did you knock over?"
"I hurt my foot"
"I know, I'll kiss it better, but what did you knock over?"
"I fell down up here" pointing to the top of the entertainment center.
"I told you not to cli. . . Did you eat my chapstick?"
"I could understand eating it if it were fruit flavoured and smelled yummy but this one smelled like noxema and tasted like wax! Yuck!"

The fun never ends when you live with the Little Princess! She certainly keeps it interesting.

No money and poor planning

I feel a little bad. Today is Prince Charming's Birthday. But with the move and Christmas coming and all our financial woes, I can't do anything. I have nothing to even make a cake out of and as tomorrow is pay day I can't buy it. So poor Prince Charming has nothing special happening today.

It must suck for him to have his birthday so close to Christmas. I imagine that this isn't the first time that has happened. In fact one of his pet peeves is combined Christmas/birthday presents that he was always getting. I never wanted to do that to him. I wanted him to know that his special day is always special but I guess as we grow up we realize that sometimes budgets get in the way.

On the up side, Grandma Great called and asked us to come for supper so maybe she is going to do something special for him. I wish I had tried a little harder to make it possible for something special to happen. He says he understands, but I still feel bad.

Dec 10, 2005

My 100th Post

This is my 100th post. It came quicker than I expected. I have to say that I am happy I have "met" all of you and happy to have shared my scrambled thoughts with you. I thought for my 100th I would share a few of my favorite posts.

I had fun telling you about "Bob" and of all the troubles he gave me, Arguing With Bob. We have since parted ways but ever since that post, he has been Bob, the contankerous computer.

When I told you about how some days my life seem to be stuck in a cycle in Lather, Rinse, Repeat, 33 people posted comments letting me know you understood exactly what I was talking about. And it made me feel better.

I even enjoyed sharing my stress with everyone and pondering different types of Cinderellas. (remember PMS Cinderella?)

I love posts like Twisted Cinderella gets Sentimental where I pour my heart out share my feelings.

And I truly like when I got philisophical and we discussed Is that Love. Some of your comments truly made me think.

Or the post, A step towards the Serious, where we discussed our weight obsessed world and how scary it is that it is affecting our children so young.

That's a lot of posts, but I guess the truth is, I love to share my life with you. Each new post I write is my new favorite. And though some are more witty than others, I no longer feel like each post has to be a laugh riot. I love to read your comments and your ideas. I learn from you as you come back and tell me what you think. And talking to you is a catharsis. No matter what is on my mind, I feel better when I talk about it. When I started this blog, I knew I had something to share, I knew I had things to say. I didn't know that I would "meet" so many people. I didn't know that I would listen as much as I "talk". I want to thank you for visiting me each day and for sharing my twisted fairy tale ending. It has been a fun 100 posts and here's to many more.

Dec 9, 2005

What do you mean you "LIKE" laundry?!?!

I feel like I should explain my comment that I actually enjoy laundry. I am not some clean freak maniac who revels in scouring the house in a wild search for dirty socks.

In fact, in the past, laundry has always been the bain of my existence. It was a job I could never keep on top of and huge piles of laundry seem to appear out of nowhere whenever I felt like I had finally gotten the house in a somewhat presentable state. And on top of that I was always forgetting to put it in the dryer after the washer stopped. Clothes sometimes got washed 2 and 3 times before I got it washed, dried, and folded.

The thing is, I also have another little quirk. I feel guilty sitting down and relaxing in the middle of the day. Evenings after Little Princess goes to bed are for relaxing. The day is for cooking, cleaning, laundry, playing with Little Princess, punctuated with little visits at my computer. So, when I finally got a system down with all of my "duties" that allowed me spare time to relax with a cup of coffee in the middle of the day, I felt bad. I felt like I was cheating and being lazy.

So the advent of our rec room right next to the laundry room was quite a boon for me. This means that I get to down to the rec room in the middle of the day while Little Princess naps. I sit down, drink my coffee, read a book, or watch a show and I am not being lazy. I am doing laundry. All I do is relax and when either the washer or the dryer stops, I take care of business and then I relax again. I always have my laundry done, I have time to myself and I still keep on top of everything else. It feels like laundry time is cheating time. I get time all to myself to do as I please and I am still being productive.

I know I have many many issues as is probably apparent in the content of this post. But I hope I have explained a little what I meant. It isn't actually the laundry I enjoy it is the quiet time it affords me that I like.

Dec 8, 2005

Dec 7, 2005

Wednesday's Wandering Thoughts

I have no post of great importance today. As I sit here ready to blog my mind is wandering around leaping into all different directions like a kid trying to decide how to spend his money in a dollar store. So I thought I would just share little bits of the stuff that is cluttering up my scattered brain for today.

1. I love to wake up and look at the ocean. Do you know that the ocean changes colors? Some mornings it is peaceful and a pale green that just lays there sleeping. Other mornings it is an angry black with hints of white dancing on the tips of the waves. Then there are the various shades of blue that seem to play out before me changing with the moods of the wind. I love to look out and see what mood the ocean is in and what colors are outside my window today.

2. Do you know that I love to do laundry now? I have hated it all my life. But now, I go downstairs after the Little Princess goes to bed and I do laundry and stay downstairs in the rec room. I read, or look at old pictures or just relax and sip my coffee. I love that I am away from the world, just me relaxing and I am still accomplishing something too.

3. I really need to get out of the house but I hate to go anywhere in bad weather. So I keep looking outside thinking that I will go out tomorrow when the weather is better but then the weather is the same the next day. This is going to be a LONG LONG winter if I don't learn to brave the elements and just go out.

4. My best friend, Notsosnowwhite, is coming to visit in about 2 weeks and I can't wait! I miss her like crazy the last couple of days and I really just need to wake up and share our morning cup of coffee and chat with her.

5. Mmmm . . . there was a five . . . I can't remember my five . . . I know I am getting old (the ripe old age of 33) but still I shouldn't be losing my mind just yet . . . they say the memory is the first to go . . . mmmm . . . oh what the heck I just thought of something else. My water is gone again. Now I was doing laundry and it went in the middle of it so I can't finish my laundry but I will do it tomorrow and then I will get to go downstairs and have my me time again. so that is okay.

6. I am done submitting you to the chaos that is in my brain but I will be sure to come back tomorrow.

Dec 6, 2005

So, Do ya think Mensa will be calling soon?

There are days, when I am amazed by my daughter. She turns around and does something that convinces me that yes indeed she is a certifiable genius and Mensa will be calling for her any day. She has taken to drawing. She loves it. She will draw things and bring them over and show them to me and tell me what they are. Now up until recently, they have been only variously colored scribbles. Just colors on a page. But lately she concentrates really hard and she is so industrious in her "work". And she is turning out recognizable objects. She decided to "write" and turned out letters that I could recognize. Now they didn't spell anything, but there are actual letters!!! And then she drew a sun. It was a blue sun colored in orange. But I could tell that is what it was! It was very obviously a sun and she didn't have to tell you that for you to know it! Okay so my 3 1/2 year old daughter is genius, right?

Okay so maybe I am a little biased on the genius part but I am as proud as proud can be of ever picture she brings me! I love to get them, I love when she shows me her pictures of pickles, lights, and mommy and daddy ducks.

Dec 5, 2005


I was tagged by Miliner's Dream, for this meme. This idiosyncrasies meme is a tag from doulicia. And as doulicia so eloquently asked, in her blog, "Do you really want to know this?"

List your idiosyncrasies.

1. I am a bit anal about things on shelves. I line my books up exactly even with each other and with the edge of the shelf. If it is messed up I can leave it for a while, but eventually I have to go fix it.

2. I insist on doing things that will probably hurt me. I refuse to acknowledge that I am no longer 17 years old and where I could go ahead and change around the furniture in the living room on my own in the past, if I do it now, in the least, I am going to have a sore back at the worst I am going to be out of commission for a while. I drive Prince Charming crazy with this.

3. I hate going to doctors. After all the doctors and surgeries, I hate hate hate going to doctors. So much so that I live by the philosophy that if I ignore any health issue, it will eventually go away. This does NOT work and it also drives Prince Charming crazy. He says that between this one and number two I don't have sense enough to look after myself.

4. I used to be an outgoing, talk to anyone type of person, but over the years and moves, I have switched and I am more of a shy take a back seat and let others take over the conversation type of person. Prince Charming is very talkative and him being that way lets me warm up and talk more later when I more comfortable.

5. I LOVE earings. I used to have over 200 pairs. I don't anymore. I lost them in my moves. but I still love them. I don't even wear any anymore. I sometimes tell myself that I am going to start collecting them again so that I can have them to wear but I always find something better to do with my money.

6. I tend not so spend money on myself. I go to the store with good intentions but then I decide that Little Princess needs this or would look adorable in that or maybe it is Prince Charming that could use it, or groceries that could be bought and then I don't buy for me. (This is kinda funny considering that this year, I am going to have to fill up my own stocking)

Dec 4, 2005

Its a lump! Its Humpty Dumpty! No wait, thats me!

When you look in the mirror, do you see all of you? Do you see the whole picture or do you develop tunnel vision and only see those parts of yourself that you feel could use improvement?

I have noticed that I have a tendency towards tunnel vision. I look in the mirror and I only see that part of my stomach that sags and looks terrible. Now I know that a lot of that is due to the way my stomach stretched having Little Princess but it is also due to the fact that I have gained weight.

The point is, when I look in the mirror, I truly only see that part of my stomach. I could be sporting a blue mohawk and fabulous new earings and I will still only see that part of my anatomy. If I want to see the rest of me, I have to force myself to focus.

This is really dumb. On a conscious level, I don't believe that other people look at me and only see that part of my stomach, but on some level I do think that. I see that and think, "Oh MY GOD! I look like HUMPTY DUMPTY!" And I am horrified. I think that everyone who sees me looks at me and is just as horrified as I am. I feel like they will look at me and discuss how I am a fat pig who really just let myself go. Yes folks, My name is Twisted Cinderella and I have a problem.

(on another note, Little Princess just came in and looked at me and said, "Hi mommy." I said hi, and she replied, "Is it dark in here?" I replied yes, I hadn't turned on the lights. She asked me, "Are you scared?" I said no, the dark isn't anything to be scared of and she decided to go over and turn on the lights for me anyway just in case it really was scarey.)

Dec 3, 2005

Cosmic Jokes and Funny Searches

I think that the Universe had decided to play some cosmic joke on me today to make it impossible to sleep in. It IS a Saturday and she WAS up late, so lets just torture her a little. So at the bright and early time of 7:30 Little Princess woke up crying with a sore knee. Much cuddling and soothing later, we were both back in bed. But then at 9 am my Aunt called to let me know she wasn't coming to visit today as planned. At this point I gave up my dream of sleeping in and staggered to the coffee pot for some liquid perkiness in a cup.

I finally have some interesting searches people have used to get to my site!

The first one is: sleep in handcuffs. I think it came from the following. But I have a funny feeling that is not what the person searching was looking for. LOL:
I may have to sleep in handcuffs to avoid the scratching. And I can think of much
better reasons to wear handcuffs to bed.

The second one was: Body Cast. Again, I am pretty sure anyone searching for that wouldn't find the following particularly helpful:
I swear, if I were ever to go to the doctor and tell him all the parts of my body
that are currently punishing me, he would have me fitted for a body cast, put on
a liquid diet and locked up in a padded room.

They have also found me looking for twisted christmas videos and christmas ornements crafts But I am pretty sure my site was a disappointment. Sorry guys there really is any Christmas stuff here.

And as for the last one: picture of snow white marrying the prince I had better not see any pics of Notsosnowwhite marrying Prince Charming seeing as he is my husband and she is my best friend. If I catch those pics, there will be some serious butt being kicked. LOL

I had fun looking at those. I always enjoy reading the funny things that others have posted that people searched for that brought them up and I only had boring things like "glass slipper" or "cinderella" Now I am officially a part of the group!

Dec 2, 2005

Flashback Friday

Todays Flashback Friday was supposed to be all about those warm, fuzzy memories we have of our child/children, or if you don’t have kids, maybe one you remember from your own childhood.

Karin chose this topic because her beautiful baby girl is celebrating her first birthday today, so be sure to go over there and wish her daughter a happy birthday! (Pssst…while you’re there, make sure you tell Karin you have every confidence that she can pull off a birthday party tomorrow for 30 guests!)

I kinda has problems with this one not because I don't have any special memories with Little Princess but because they all jumble together into lots of little memories.

I remember the first time I had to pack up the clothes she had outgrown. I remembered how when I brought her home she was so small that even the premie clothes I had was too big. And then suddenly there i was in the middle of her bedroom floor with a big pile of clothes she couldn't wear anymore. I suddenly started to realize that she was never going to be that small again. It goes too fast and I just didn't want her to be bigger yet. I mean I am always happy that she is healthy and growing and I love to celebrate all her new developments and achievements, but I just wanted to cling to her to keep her small a little longer. I just loved her so much I hated to see her babyhood go away so soon. So I sat there bawling like a silly schoolgirl because my daughter was growing up.

I remember our first trip to the emergency room. She has been vomiting and she was so little, I was scared. So we took her. I stayed all night in that hospital room Prince Charming lay down on an empty bed and I lay awake on another. Hovering over her, scared to death. She was okay, but I will never forget the fear and worry.

I remember a hundred nights, she has woken up scared or crying and wanted me to come in. I remember her little arms wrapping around my neck, her head on my shoulder and her body heavy with sleep laying against me, because as long as mommy is there, all is right with the world.

I can feel her little hand in mine as we go shopping together. I can hear her singing songs endlessly in her room when she is supposed to be sleeping. I remember the breathless anticipation and the ensuing celebration when she first sang the alphabet. I can remember her awestruck enthusiasm as we went to see a movie together, just her and I. I remember popcorn and juice and cuddles in the dark.

I remember making cookies in the kitchen, with her elbow deep in batter, squishing the dough in her hands to shape it into the cutest, oddest shaped lumps of cookie dough and then sitting together after with milk and eating our creations.

There are a hundred little memories that spring to mind when I try to think of warm fuzzy moments. But I guess I haven't yet had that one big one that transcends them all that leaves me thinking this is the one I will remember forever. I racked my brain and tried to come up with one. Surely there must be at least one. Until that one comes, I will just keep building little memories and trying desperately remember them all.

Dec 1, 2005

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about Twisted Cinderella

(I can't believe I finally got this code! woohoo! Now I have official looking Thursday Thirteen!)

1. I had a great time playing in our yard with Little Princess.
2. I took a ton of pictures and just had a blast playing with her.
3. Our yard is absolutely huge!!!
4. I made a Christmas Card today.
5. I think it turned out beautifully and I think Little Princess looks like a doll in it.
6. I want to save it in my online scrapbook, but I think Prince Charming may want to save it and get it printed it off without anyone seeing it.
7. We have no water today and I don't know why.
8. We had low water pressure yesterday, I am assuming it is related in some way.
9. Our neighbours had low water pressure yesterday too. Otherwise I would be worried.
10. Thank God, I made coffee before the water went.
11. I hate that I can't get a shower though
12. Little Princess was playing outside, she needs a bath and can't get it either.
13. I can't wait until Prince Charming wakes up so I can ask him to check on it.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Nov 30, 2005

From the Depths of Login Hell

Sometimes, dial-up sucks. Well . . . it sucks all the time, but sometimes it sucks worse than others. I am a part of mothers group. It is a wonderful group of great ladies whose company and opinions I value very much. However, since I have dial-up I have troubles logging in to the group. I log in and I stay logged in until Prince Charming deletes the cookies on our computer. The minute he does that I am stuck in login hell again. I log in, then I navigate to the page, and the site says, "no no no, you need to log in first." to which I of course reply, "I DID log in, stupid computer!". This carries on for an eternity until I give up and try later. When I try later, we argue some more and then finally I am logged in.

But then, the next time I sit down to the computer, Prince Charming has again deleted the cookies and I am returned once again to login/dial-up hell!!!! AAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Nov 29, 2005

When did I sign up for that part of the contract?

Somewhere along the way, I think I got on the wrong bus. I often think how different my life is than I had planned but there are moments when I am sitting here bleary eyed, feeding Little Princess her breakfast,I wonder where I went wrong. I remember saying for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, but I missed the part that says that I am the morning person, I am the housework person, I will take care of things and he is the stay up all night, sleep all day, get up around 1 pm person. Because had that been on the options list, I am pretty sure I would have signed up for a day or two of it. You know, you can have the night owl options on Monday through Saturday, but on Sunday . . . wake me and you DIE!

Now don't get me wrong, I love My Prince Charming. But there are times, I wonder how he got such a good deal out of this whole affair. Oh well . . . he also misses the morning cuddles, the morning bright as sunshine smiles and greetings and the extra time I take for myself in the quiet.

Nov 28, 2005

Woke up to Snow Covered Lawn

Isn't it funny how our views on things change as we get older. When I was a kid, I loved the first sign of snow. When I saw a snowflake, I saw sledding, snowmen, snowforts, and a clean slate waiting for me to jump in and create my own picture. Now that I am older, when I see snow, I see wet feet, cold fingers, shivering in the cold, cars getting stuck or worse ice causing accidents. But now that I have Little Princess, she brings me back to the wonder that is a new falling snowflake.

This morning, I looked out and saw that snow had fallen over night. It wasn't much but it had stayed. Little Princess looked out and saw the snow and was filled with glee, her response was, "Can I go make snow angels?" In one question she brought me back to my childhood memories of fun in the snow and the excitement of that first sight of falling snow.

Nov 27, 2005

Someone Special

I think I am suffering from Country Music Video overdose. Little Princess got stuck on CMT tonight and we sat together cuddling watching videos. There were some really touching videos that made me sentimental and sappy, so be prepared for a sappy post.

Tonight I had Grandma Great in for supper. I was making something different and I wanted to do something for her to thank her in my own way for all the stuff she does for us. Tonight sitting her at the computer, I was struck by how lucky I am. My Mother-in-law is more like a mom2. She cares about me like someone cares about her daughter. I can feel the love she has and I feel blessed. She does so much for us every day, I don't think I could ever thank her for every little thing. But mostly I want to thank her for welcoming me into her life. I want to thank her for being a mother to me for the last 5 years. She has never judged me. She has never made me feel like anything less than part of the family. Grandpa Grumpy may have his flaws, but Grandma Great makes me grateful every day that I am a part of her family. I have so much to thank her for, but most of all I just want to thank her for loving me.

Nov 26, 2005

Lazy Saturday

Well, it is Saturday morning and I am being lazy. I have accomplished nothing other than to get my Little Princess up, dressed and fed. I will eventually get to it and do something but I just don't want to today.

With a month until Christmas, I figured I would has a holiday question. What was your favorite Christmas memory?

Nov 25, 2005

I am sad.

Ever since I found him, Prince Charming has been my Galahad, my White Knight. He is my shelter from all the big bad in the world. I lean on him and I depend on him to protect me. But there are times, I wish I could return the favor. Last night after going to see his father, Grandpa Grumpy, Prince Charming came home devastated. Well apparently GG was having a few drinks with the boys and he felt it necessary to point out to PC what a failure he is.

I looked at his face and looked into the eyes of a ten year old boy who had failed yet again to meet up with his father's expectations. I looked into the eyes of pain. How can I protect him from that? How can I look into those eyes and erase the pain. How can I explain to him that whether or not he ever gets another job he will never be a failure to me or to our daughter.

He has been trying so hard, and things have been going so well between them but last night, I looked into his face and saw, "Why bother?" written there. I feel his pain just the same as if it were happening to me. More so, because I am strong and I can take it. But I love him and I don't want him to be unhappy. I want him to be proud of us, of himself. He is the best man I know. And it kills me to see his father cut him down to the point that he withdraws into a shell all the while saying he is fine, he is a big strong man, he doesn't care. But I KNOW him. I know he cares. I can see he cares. And it kills me. I would love to make GG understand how much he hurts PC when he does that. But on some level I honestly don't think GG would care even if he did know. And that is the saddest part of all.

Nov 24, 2005

Thursday Thirteen

Thursday Thirteen

1. Do you ever give anyone the silent treatment when you are angry? I don't know if I do. I tend to withdraw if I am angry. I go into my own space and wait until I can talk without being irrational. But I don't sit there, furiously silent.

2. How do 4 year olds get it into their head that it is okay to tell another 4 year old that she is fat? This poor little girl later turned to her mother and said, "Well mommy, I AM fat." She is NOT! She is beautiful!

3. I left Little Princess with her grandmother for the first time today. She did great.

4. I notice how creative she is becoming and she blows me away.

5. Have you started your Christmas Shopping? Have you finished your Christmas Shopping? I have not started. AAACCCKKKK!

6. Do you do any kind of annual family picture that you send out? I see this done be the families on television shows and I would like to do it, but I haven't yet.

7. Do any of your friends or family call you early in the morning? Most of my family knows not to, Prince Charming is a late sleeper and less than charming when he gets woken up by the phone. But this week, I have been woken up early every day.

8. What is your favorite new show of the fall? I love a lot of the new shows but I would have to say my favorite is a toss-up between Supernatural and Ghost Whisperer. They are AWESOME!!

9. Where do you have your computer in your house? What room is it in? Ours is in our spare bedroom now, but it has been in our bedroom, our living room, and our dining room. So I am curious as to what others do.

10. Do you have a junk drawer in your kitchen? How much junk is in it? Ours is constantly stuffed. I am always trying to weed through it, but that is a never ending battle.

11. Grandma Great is loving my digi-scrapbooking and wants me to try to find a job in the graphic design field. I love that she is so amazed.

12. My Little Princess is starting to get a great imagination. I have seen her giving rides on on her back to an imaginary friend pretending that she is a flying dragon. She lays flat on her belly and tells me, "Look Mommy, I am a rectangle!" She has me dressing her in imaginary jackets and costumes. She has a new toy and I have seen her talking to her Elmo and reading him stories. She is so funny. Her daddy was going to put batteries in a toy at Grandma Great's house and he needed a screwdriver. He asked her to ask for one and she went running out to her grandmother asking for a school stardriver. tee hee

13. And finally, a fond good night. I am exhausted and I should have been asleep hours ago.

Nov 23, 2005


Tell me, do you ever wonder what your 17 year old self would think if they saw you now? Would you be impressed? Shocked? Sad? Happy? What would you think? Did you meet your plans for yourself?

I think that my 17 year old self would be shocked. In the years since my graduation, I have become far more brave and independent than I thought. I was a lot older than I expected when I got married and I didn't marry the kind of person I thought I would. My life has been much more eventful and mobile than I had expected. I don't think that my 17 year old self would have planned for my life to go this way, but then, what did I know? I was a kid. I didn't know what was best for me.

I guess it is kind of like that song unanswered prayers. I think you have to trust that things are going to go the way they should.

When I moved to my last home, I would never have moved here instead. I was stuck on cities and urban living. Rural living wasn't a consideration or even an option. But living in the last place I lived opened my mind to other options. I have said in the past that I thought it was a mistake to move there, but looking back on it now, I can't say that. It was expensive and I wish I had gone straight here instead. But I wouldn't have. My best friend wouldn't have been able to move closer to her dad and I wouldn't be living here where I can take a financial blow and be knocked down but not out.

When I graduated high school marrying someone like Prince Charming who would be so disapproved by my family and friends would have been out of the question. Add to that the fact that I am 4 years older than he is and I wouldn't have looked at him. But a few years later and a lifetimes experience later, I was opened up to the possibility and I was strong enough to fight for the love I found.

I guess that means that even my mistakes can't be regrets. Because I wouldn't have gotten here without going there first.

Nov 21, 2005

How Strange

We have all heard the story how a girl will marry a man just like her father. So, I have a question? Do you notice any similarities between your prince charming and your father? I do notice that they both have similar personalities. Nothing scary, but they are both the kind of people who stand up for what they believe in and for those they feel need a White Knight. As a child, my father would sing to me constantly especially on long car rides. Prince Charming used to sing to me all the time, he has now graduated to singing to our Little Princess more. So I guess that tradition continues. They both have the kind of personality where they will talk to anyone and the kind of humurous personality that you either love them or you hate them there is no in between. So, I guess in the broad sense of the word, I did marry someone with some of the same personality traits as my father.

Now here is where it gets a little strange. Prince Charming is VERY close to his mother. I admire that relationship, I always have even when I worried that it may come before ours, I still was glad he was so close to her. The odd thing is that Grandma Great and I are just so similar. We have the same type of personality, we have the same type of cooking habits, we have similar healthy issues, we have the same likes and dislikes. I love her. She is the kindest, most loving, most tender person I know. But, make no wonder, I get along so well with her, she is an older version of myself. We have always lived far away from her until now, and I never realized just how similar we are. But every day, I discover something else we have in common. Make no wonder Prince Charming and I hardly ever have any fights he has been living with me all his life, I just wasn't there to know it. LOL. I don't mind. I love that I can be so close to his mother. I love that I can talk to her and that I have a ready-made friend in my MIL.

I just wonder if this is a phenomenon that anyone else has experienced. When they said that girls married a man like their father, did they mean the same thing for their sons? Do any of you have this feeling? Well all I can say is we may have the same personality but THANK GOD, she got Grandpa Grumpy and I got Prince Charming.

Nov 20, 2005

There really is a difference, I just can't see it

I just saw a commercial that really spoke to me as a mom. The commercial opens with the mother taking a brand new teddy out of the box. She proceeds to beat this poor bear to death, running it over with the van, ripping out his eye and generally just abuses him. Then she puts him in the van and picks up her daughter. The daughter buckles him into his seatbelt, thrilled that her mother has found her precious friend whom she has loved to death and worn out.

I have so been there. On those days that the Little Princess has lost the one bib that is the only bib she can use as a lovey to suck her thumb. Never mind that she has 5 yellow bibs and one green one and to me they look all the same. She needs to have the orange bib. The ORANGE BIB????? She doesn't own an orange bib!? But aahh, you don't understand there is a spot of orange on this yellow bib and that marks it as the special bib of the moment. I can't count the number of times I have turned the house upside down just so I can find a bib that to me looks exactly the same as the other bibs because in order to go to sleep, she must have just the right bib, which is apparently vitally different even if those differences are not apparent to the naked grownup eye.

Nov 19, 2005

Holding Back

Do you ever censor yourself with regards to what you put in your blog? Are you ever really anxious to post something and then you hold yourself back due to propriety or what you think will interest your blog friends?

When I first started this blog, I made sure that none of my relatives knew about it. The reason was that I knew that I would hold back if they were reading it. I couldn't be open and myself.

But sometimes, even now, I hold back. I think to myself, "Now really, TC, who would want to read that? That really is too much information." Like, the other day, when Prince Charming and I had crazy, wild, hot monkey sex, where it was the middle of the day and we didn't even get completely undressed." This was so incredible that I longed to come right here and sing it from the rooftops. But I held back, because really do you guys really want to know that? I mean, none of you want to hear how for a long time I was depressed and my sex drive was somewhere between low to none. But now, I am back, we are back and I am loving it. I would love to post about it, but would that offend you and send you running for the hills ducking for cover from rain of horror that you have witnessed.

But isn't that the purpose of a blog? Shouldn't it be a place where you feel free to post about whatever is on your mind? Should it be the one place in the world where you are free to be yourself and propriety be damned?

So, do you do that? Do you long to post something but hold back out of a fear that some will find it offensive, horrible, or boring?

Nov 18, 2005

A step toward the serious for a moment

When did we as a society get so size obsessed that we extended that standard to our children. I remember when I first got told I was fat. I was 12 years old and I had just started to develop curves. I wasn't fat. At All. But that comment (from my grandmother) and others like it started me on a downward spiral that lead me to spending my teenage years eating as little as possible. I remember only eating when people were looking and constantly obsessing. To this day, I don't know how to eat right. I have to ways of eating. The kind that leads to me gaining weight and the kind that leads to obsession, eating disorders, scale obsession, lying about how little I am eating and all the not so lovely obsession related things that come with dieting. I want so badly to lose weight. I want to be that curvy, skinny girl I see in my high school pictures. But I know that the reason I was there was because I hardly ever ate. I know that at my low point, I resorted to bulimia. I know that I secretly admired people who were anorexic because they had more willpower than I did. As a child, I was hospitalized for not eating. I want to lose weight but I don't want that anymore.

I am also scared for my Little Princess. She is tiny. She is a very slender girl. I hate it when I hear constantly how she is too skinny. She eats, I am constantly trying to get more food into her. But I don't want to pass along my food obsessions. I don't want her to obsess over her weight whether she be obsessing over being too big or being too small.

I have heard of a freinds little girl at three years old being told that she was going to grow up to be a linebacker. I have heard of another friends little girl at 2 1/2 looking into the mirror and telling herself that she was too fat. What are we passing along to our little girls? What are we telling them? We see these images and stories of girls in the public eye who have felt the need to resort to eating disorders to remain an acceptable size. Do we really want to pass this along to our kids?

And as for me, do I need to just remain fat in order to not pass along my eating issues to my baby girl? In doing so, am I passing along other issues? For the most part, I try to just be positive. I let her eat when she is hungry, I don't force her to when she is not. I make her eat healthy food before junk food. The way I look at it, I have obsessed over my body so much that I don't hear it when it tells me if I am hungry or full. I want her to learn to hear her body. I guess that is the only way I know to make sure she stays healthy and that she has a healthy respect and love for the enjoyment we can all get from eating.

Goodnight my friends.

It is late and I should be sleeping but I just had to drop by and chat. I am so unmotivated to get anything done today, but that could be because I am feeling kinda . . . yucky. I think I have some kind of measles or some such nonsense. I am inching like crazy and I am about to lose my mind. Poor Little Princess seemed to get the worst of it today. She was in a bad mood today too and between the pair of us Poor Prince Charming had to go into hiding. The good news is that today is almost over and tomorrow has to be better, right? Please lie to me to make me feel better okay?

I watched CSI today. It was awesome. I actually cried. I was so touched by the whole thing. That show really is one of the best things on television right now as far as I am concerned.

Well, I am off to bed to pretend to sleep. I may have to sleep in handcuffs to avoid the scratching. And I can think of much better reasons to wear handcuffs to bed. (Not that I would ever do such a thing LOL)

Nov 16, 2005

Keeping the Darkness at Bay

Lets talk about the Little Princess. She is so funny and she amazes me every day. The last week or so, I have found that her understanding of things is jumping by leaps and bounds. She can go and get herself snacks out of the kitchen or clothes she wants to wear now!

Sometimes the things she says makes me a little sad for her. Yesterday, she was sitting on the floor, papers and crayons scattered all around her. She picked up the black crayon and started to draw and said to me, "I am scared of the dark." I looked at her and said, "I know baby". After she was done her picture, she picked it up to show me. It was a page filled with black scribbles. I looked at her and smiled and said, "That is really nice baby, what is it?" To which she replied, "This is a picture of scared." I asked, "Scared?" and she said, "yes, this is me scared of the dark". My heart broke a little then. My poor baby.

Last night, when she was sleeping, I heard her start to cry suddenly, very hard. I went into her room and she was in bed, still mostly sleeping, sobbing. I climbed onto her bed, and lay down beside her, rubbing her back and soothing her with softly spoken words. She went right back to sleep. I hate that she has nightmares. I hate that ever since the hurricane, when she was 20 months old, she has been terrified of the dark. I hate that anything bad and dark and black exists in her little world. I never thought darkness would encroach on her world at such a young age. I hate that I can't protect her from it. She is only 3 1/2. I would love for her world to be sunshine and happiness all the time. She is normally such a happy musical child, I just wish I could keep the darkness at bay.

Nov 15, 2005


The cable guy has finally deigned to bestow his wonderful gift upon us! We have cable. I have never been so happy to see a guy in a white van in my life. We now have left the ranks of the cable-tv challenged and are free to watch something other than the hundreds of tapes I own. I am so sick of vhs tapes that I may never watch one again (okay so that may be a slight exaggeration). I can't wait to get a guide and figure out when all our shows are on.

On the other hand, life is good at the Twisted Castle. Prince Charming is more charming than ever and the Little Princess is enjoying the freedom and the family. She is picking up on music listened to by teenagers around her and I just know I will soon be saying such parenting phrases as "WHAT are you listening to?" and "Can you please turn that junk down?" But in the meantime, I can still send her to bed for a nap when I need a little peace and quiet. Aaahh life is good.

Now if I could only find something interesting to do with chicken for supper tonight, life would be perfect.

Nov 14, 2005

His surprise.

Today was wonderful. Prince Charming suprised me by hiring a sitter and then took me for a walking tour of all his old hiding spots. Hand in hand we hiked through trails and across fields.

He took me a point on a cliff overlooking the ocean where he sat as a kid and pondered whatever was on his mind looking at the point where the ocean meets the night sky.

One by one he took me to spots that held special memories for him and then proceeded to share them with me.

He told me stories of pranks and games played by little boys growing up in a rural community. One story he told was of a place he used to play in the woods, that he and his friends named Gothos. There was a nosy neighbour who used to spy on the kids as they played and as they got older he would follow them and get into their youthful belongings they had stashed. One day these boys decided to get even in their own way. They took a galvanized bar of metal and gave it a handle made it look like a sword with no sharp edges. They put a bolt through the end that didn't have the handle. Then they made a cement block with the sword put down into it with the bolt buried deep into the cement. They made a metal name plate calling it "The Sword in the Stone" and saying that a treasure awaited the person who managed to remove the sword from the stone. Then they left it there in the middle of the woods. A few days later they came back and they could see that someone had been chipping at the cement with a large rock. The next day, they came back and the cement was shattered and the sword was bent around a large tree. Apparently, the man who followed them had gotten a sledge hammer or something of the sort, smashed the cement and finding nothing but a sword with a bolt for his troubles, he got angry and swung the bar bending it around the tree. These boys thought this was soo funny. The idea of this guy working so hard and getting all red-faced and sweaty and then getting nothing for his rewards was too much for a few adolecent boys to take. They enjoyed it greatly.

Along our walk, I was awestruck by the beauty of the area. In my minds eyes, I could see children running through the fields, sitting on the cliffs, throwing rocks into the ocean, and hiding away and telling secrets. It was wonderful to share his past, to see how peaceful moving home has made him feel. If I wasn't already thrilled to be living here, todays walk would have made me feel that way all on its own.

I love that he did this as a surprise. I love that he wanted to share that with me. I love that it was special.

Nov 13, 2005

Is that love?

What is love to you? I wonder about this sometimes. I once had a boss/friend that was happily married for a very long time. They had a house in Ontario and another in Florida. And, throughout the course of the year one or the other spent about half their time down in Florida while the other other stayed back to watch the family business. If they spent too much time together in the one town, they drove each other crazy. But I talked to them, I heard them talk about each other, they loved and admired each other. They just could live together all the time. So this is the solution that they came up with. Is that love?

I know a couple, I will call them Ariel and Eric. A number of years ago, Ariel left Eric for a man she met on-line. While she was gone, Eric met a woman and had an affair with her. Eric begged Ariel to come back and she did. But Eric seems to feel like now that she has come back, he has the upper hand. Their marriage is a power struggle and he feels like has upper hand. Ariel always suspects him of cheating. She spies on him and accuses him on occasion. And he in turn accuses her. On bad days, their marriage is a hotbed of tension and suspicions. But there are times that they seem close. On good days, they go to dances, watch their grandchildren, and seem close. They have been tother for about 27 years. Is that love?

I know another couple that got married and became one. They are like two trees that grew leaning on eachother. Without the other, neither one can stand. I honestly hope that if one of them ever dies, they go together, because neither one could ever keep their sanity alone. It seems that love has made them completely dependant on each other. Is that love?

Prince Charming came along and swept me off my feet when I wasn't looking. He came from the shadows and together we fought to create a life for ourselves despite the obstacles in our way. He makes me stronger. With him at my back, I can fight any battle. He used to bring me flowers every day in. There are less romantic gestures now. Instead, he is my Prince Charming, he stands in guard front of me and our daughter and protects us from the world. When I am upset, his arms around me makes it all more bearable. I am so proud of the person he is. Is that love?

Nov 12, 2005

Thinking about Christmas

I have been thinking about Christmas, it is coming soon and we are really broke this year. Last year was awesome. I had a severance cheque from my job and I used it to make Christmas one to remember. But this year, I just sank all the money we have into our move. We have very little left for gifts and such. But still I am looking forward to it. I am looking forward to decorating, to spending time with family, to Christmas movies, to Christmas Carols, to all the old fashioned traditions. I will still get things for my Little Princess and she is still young enough not to care if they are expensive gifts for cheap ones. And Prince Charming and I will have Christmas together home with our family. Her joy over her presents will be enough to make us happy anyway. If you have any ideas of crafts or inexpensive gifts to give Grandpa Grumpy and Grandma Great, I would appreciate it. But mostly, I wish you all a happy holiday season, because as early as it is yet, I know ours will be great with or without the big pile of gifts under the tree.

Nov 10, 2005

The 24 Hour Meme

I got tagged by yellojkt to do this meme. This may be my most boring blog ever as I have a very boring life and you can't possibly be interested in this stuff, but anyway, here it goes.

Blond Girl loves memes so much she has even invented her own. You have to come up with something for every different hour of the day.

12:00 Midnight: I put a tape into the vcr (as I have no cable) with Prince Charming. He saw the name of his hobby marked on the tape and wanted to find out what was on it.

1:00 am: I laughed up a storm when I realized that his show had been taped over and he had just spent a hour watching and fast forwarding through a complete tape of Debbie Travis' Painted House. (My Little Princess was born at 1:22 am on a Sunday)

2:00 am: The day that my Little Princess was born this was the time, I first tried to breastfeed her. It was sweet and wonderful and the only time it went well for us the whole time we breastfed.

3:00 am: The first time I went to a party with my friends out of town, this is the time that I came home. It was awesome and I was about 16. I was so amazed that mom and dad let me away with it.

4:00 am: There was a long time my Little Princess would wake up at this time every day and want cuddling and attention. I must confess that I am less than Princess-like when I am awoken at this hour.

5:00 am: My FIL, Grandpa Grumpy, volluntarily gets up at this hour to go moose hunting. I have to tell you, I love moose, but I don't love anything enough to get up at this time volluntarily. The moose would just have to wait!

6:00 am: When I was working at my least favorite job ever. I had to get up at this time and then 10 minutes later, I would hop on the bus for a 1 1/2 hour bus ride to get to work.

7:00 am: I used to be a cake decorator for 8 years this was the time my shift started.

8:00 am: The time I usually hear the Little Princess wake up and start playing.

9:00 am: On a good day the time that she wakes me up.

10:00 am: The time we have usually finished breakfast, baths, clean up and we cuddle together in the living room.

11:00 am: For 2 years she slept until this time every day. Prince Charming was staying home with her while I worked and as he is NOT a morning person, this worked well for him.

12:00 noon: Lunch time. I usually make something for the Little Princess and I as now that I am home, Prince Charming has taken to getting up at this time and he doesnt eat for a while.

1:00 pm: About when I can get my family out of the house if we have something to do because of the time Prince Charming gets up.

2:00 pm: About when the little Princess goes down for a nap.

3:00 pm: Time for me. I usually read, clean, take a bath, do laundry, have a cup of coffee, whatever. It is always my second favorite time of the day I think it takes me back to when I was a kid and this was when we got out of school and afterwards when I was a cake decorator, it was when I got off work.

4:00 pm: About the time, I start to make supper.

5:00 pm: When we eat supper. And I am proud to say that since we moved here we have had a family supper at the table with background music every night. Not like college kids in front of the tv. I remember working and watching the clock for this time to come so I could go home. The last half hour was an eternity.

6:00 pm: About the time, I start to experience the shakes if I don't eat supper at 5. This is terrible and leads to much overeating when I do finally eat.

7:00 pm: When I used to go to the movies. I like the early movies as I get home a decent hour and to some movies, I can even take my Little Princess. But now there is no theatre here, so I guess that is a moot point.

8:00 pm: The Little Princess' bedtime. She goes to bed easily and the whole process only takes about 5 - 10 minutes.

9:00 pm: About the time that all good shows start to come on here . . . when we have cable to watch them!

10:00 pm: My little Princess usually falls asleep at about this time at least 2 hours after going to bed. When she falls asleep earlier (like tonight) she usually gets up in the middle of the night demanding attention and drinks.

11:00 pm: When I was working, this was my bedtime.

And you have to tag people for a meme to spread and my memory is pretty bad, so I'm tagging Better Safe than Sorry, Trinity13, and Theresa. Give it a shot guys. As always no obligations, no recriminations.

Nov 9, 2005

Wednesday's Wandering Thoughts

Wow, I was Michele's site of the day yesterday! How awesome! If I had known, I would have written something witty, or funny, or incredible. But instead you were treated to a view of my new home. Oh well. Note about yesterday's post, the pink couch was in my old place. I loved it but I couldn't take it. It was another in a long line of victims of my gypsy life of moving. I didn't like that it clashed with the hideous green walls in that place anyway. My best friend, Notsosnowwhite now has custody of that couch.

My parents have gone back and life is returning to a quiet semblance of order. My little Princess is calmly eating oatmeal for her breakfast and I have sneaked off to visit you for a minute. My repreive won't last long as I can hear the natives getting restless and I will soon need to make an appearance again.

I have no cable here. I have no television at all beyond movies I already own. I was trying to wait until I could arrange a satelite dish, but I have to confess, I am apparrently about as tv addicted as it gets and I am losing my mind!!!! I don't know how much more of this I can stand before I go out and get cable. Prince Charming suggested we get cable even if it was for one week because he too is starting to go a bit stir crazy. It was alright for a while, I own hundreds of movies and I have regular shows from years gone by on tape. But I can only watch so many episodes of "Fame", "Quantum Leap", "Growing Pains", "Suddenly Susan", and "The Nanny" before I swear I will lose it completely and start to lose my mind completely. I never realized how much I like to sit down in the evenings and watch a show to relax but boy do I miss it now.

Well, I just heard a bump and "Ouch!" so I guess I should check and make sure everthing is okay out there! talk to you later and hopefully next time, I will have something less rambling to say.

Nov 7, 2005

Finally Sharing some Pics

In the past, my moves had made me leave behind bigger and bigger parts of myself. I love to decorate and to have nice things, but my houses were beginning to look like a college student's with hand-me-downs and bit and peices from here and there. Just when I got things together to start to look nice, it all fell apart and I moved again. Here, things are different. Coming here, to a full house of furniture allowed me to pull things together in my own way. I have been able to add photos and nice things I do have left and then I have a real home, not a college dorm. I took some pics of my last place and some pics of my new home and I would love to share them with you. Now, I have put up pictures on the walls since I took these, but it still gives you an idea of why I am so happy to finally have a place that looks like someone's home. I feel like I have finally left my wandering gypsy, college living days behind me.

My old place:

My new place:

And last but not least the view from my kitchen window:

Nov 6, 2005

Why I am a freak. (or at least todays reason)

Do you get nervous when you cook for your family? Do you cook for your family? I was utterly terrified when my parents were coming and one of the reasons why was that I would have to cook for them. Over the years since I have been out on my own, I have succintly avoided cooking but I knew that this time, I would have to bite the bullet. My mom is a fabulous cook and I can in no way compare to the kind of cooking she does. She makes these 5 course wonder meals that leave you coming back for 4ths and 5ths with mouth watering speed. My great talent in the kitchen is that I can look into an apparently bare kitchen and produce something yummy to eat in 30 minutes or less. I have a talent that impresses the ranks of my unable to cook friends. My talents are not up to impressing chefs and kitchens wizards. This time, however, I seem to be holding my own. Yesterday, I made my shortcut chicken teriyaki (which is yummy even if I can't spell it). Today, I made an easy yummy recipe, roast beef and vegetables. Tomorrow is Chili and after that I think they are leaving. They have to, I am running out of recipes to impress them with.

Nov 5, 2005

Mindless Ramblings about The Visit.

Prince Charming is being wonderful and not acting frustrated at my parents visit. I think it is due to the fact that he has his own space. He doesn't have to go to bed when they are tired. He doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to. The only thing he gave up was his bed so that they could sleep in the nice bed in our room and we could sleep on the air mattress on the floor in the office.

The Little Princess is madly in love with her grandparents and she shines every time she sees them. They laugh at her going to bed and singing for 3 hours before going to sleep. They love her enthusiasm and her energy.

I had to laugh. Mom and dad went for a walk after supper and they aren't used to rural living. There were no street lights. It was pitch black. By the time they got to the end of our extremely, very, unbelievably long, driveway, they couldn't see the road. It was too dark for them and they didn't feel comfortable walking any further. They turned around and came right back. I don't know why but it made me giggle a little.

Dad even lay down on the floor and cuddled with her while she watched Rubba Dubbers. Looking at them on the floor together, I was transported back in time to a time when I was small and I too cuddled my father on the floor watching television with him. And looking at him, I know that he was remembering too. It is so sweet to watch grown men fall in love with their grandchildren all over again.

Quick note from the Land of Dial-up Woes.

Thanks for the warm welcome. I am glad to be back. I have to let you know that I have been demoted to the land of dial-up internet access and so I may be a little slower for a while. Well that and my parents are here visiting for a couple of days. I was terrified for them to come. I haven't seen them for a year and I was worried about making a good impression, about Prince Charming being comfortable and happy, about cooking for the wonder-chef herself, my mother. I was so scared I couldn't sleep last night but they have been here for a couple of hours and it is going well. They are completely in love with the Little Princess, but then again, who wouldn't be. Hey, it's my blog I can be a little biased if I want to! Hee hee!. The Little Princess was thrilled with them and completely wired bouncing around showing them everything again and again. Very cute. I will check back in later and after their visit is over, I will drop by and visit some of my blog friends that I have been neglecting.

Nov 3, 2005

Home Again

I am back my friends and there were many ups and downs and more adventures to add to this fiasco of a move. But as I suspected, the end was worth the pain of getting here. I missed you and every day, I thought of things that would be funny to share with you. But alas, that time has passed and the amusing antecdotes seem to have slipped away from me. Perhaps later, I will remember some bits to share with you but for now, I will just tell you about today.

It is Thursday afternoon and I have been here about a week. I stand at my kitchen sink and watch the white caps on the waves and listen to the roar of the wind as blows across the ocean. I love it here. I love the peacefulness. I love that any time of day I may get a call or a knock on my door of some relative who just wanted to stop by for a minute or who just wanted to chat. I love that my Little Princess runs through the "forest" in our front yard. Which is really just a stand of 35 trees in front of my house. I love to watch her running through her grandparents yard, chasing their dog, playing catch and picking flowers. There are downsides to living next door to Grandpa Grumpy but watching him melt into little puddles as he laughingly sneaks her grapes at the grocery store makes it all worthwhile. Having Grandma Great call me to ask me if I would like a little fish since Prince Charming hates it and I won't cook it is awesome.

It is remote here and the pace of life is slow. It feels a little like the lazy hazy days of summer with much colder weather. Here even the cloudy days have silver linings and even bad news comes as kites with tails of good news attached.

Every day I stand and look at the ocean across my backyard and I feel the strongest sense of peace I have ever felt. It is rainy and cold (and I suspect even snowing) outside but I am happy because I am home. My home is beautiful and I am proud of it for the first time in my life. At any moment anyone can come to my house and go through every room but the storage room and find it neat and in order, even my bedroom. I am contented in a way I have never been before and it feels great. I know there there are downsides to living so far away from things but here I feel like I can face whatever storms that are ahead. Here, I feel at peace. Here my Little Princess is happy and safe and carefree. And for today, that is all that I want or care about.

Oct 24, 2005

My Great Adventure

The move is upon me, with all my last minute running around before the movers come tomorrow. I am so glad that this is getting done and so nervous that something will go wrong.

My Little Princess won't let me pack her toys without hysterics. So that should be fun. I am considering just having a monster sized box left and tomorrow morning just dumping all her toys into it. But then again, maybe I will just pack it all and withstand the stormy tantrums to follow.

I am up at some god-awful before the sun wakes up hour because I have to much on my mind and you my dear blog friends are again subjected to my psychotic babble as I look around frantically and wonder what should I do first? Will I get it all done? And, why the hell did I ever decide to do this in the first place?

As well my friends, I should warn you that it may be a week or two before I get access to the internet. I am sorry that means that barring time to post tomorrow morning, I may not be on here updating for a while. I will try, but you know how these things go when you move to the ass end of nowhere.

Wish me luck friends, I am about to embark on a grand adventure lets hope we all get there with our belongings and our sanity intact!

Oct 23, 2005

Thinking about things

I sit here putting off my day. The move is quickly approaching and I have so much to do, but I am tired. This move is killing me. So, I sit here talking to you, my blog friends, pretending it is like any other day and I have no where better to be. (and there really is nowhere better than chatting with you anyway.)

On the upside, when I get there, my house is all cleaned, furniture moved in already, and even food in the fridge and towels in the bathroom. I love that my MIL is so excited to have us coming. She just keeps preparing for us and talking to us. She is a doll. Once I get through the h*ll on this side of the move (the leaving side) the other side will be wonderful I can tell.

I have never lived there, but I have been there a lot since getting married. I was married there. Prince Charming grew up there. This is the first move that feels like going home. I am so looking forward to getting there and getting on with the every day mundane bits of life. Now that I have a house, I am free to ponder the other bits of the move. I am free to try to allow myself to get excited about the whole thing, about the wonder of just going home.

This move will end up being the best thing I ever did for my family guys. I just know it.

Oct 22, 2005

Taking my breath away

There are moments as a mom that take me completely by surprise. I am busy doing my every day normal stuff and she will do something that just takes my breath away. Now some days it is as simple as she tells me she has a secret and when I lean in she whispers she loves me in my ears. Other days, it is something a little more dramatic.

I'll never forget walking with Prince Charming and Notsosnowwhite while she sang happily in the stroller. Her little girl voice carrying out over ours in that carefree way that I love. Suddenly we all stop talking at once. As we listen, we realize that she is singing the alphabet, all by herself, unassisted, of her own free will. We walk together, holding our breath, looking at each other in wonder. Questions pass silently through our minds "Will she actually do the whole thing?" and "Did you know she could do that?". When she finished the whole thing, we were so exciting, yelling and clapping and celebrating on the side of the road. We must have been a sight to see.

Last night, she climbed up into my arms with "Touch and Feel Kitten" also known as "The Kitty Book" in her hands. I settled into read the book, yet again. When she started to say the words on the first page and then turning the pages and reciting each page. She had them all memorized!!!! I was so impressed. Afterwards she climbed into her daddy's arms and "read" him "The Hungry Caterpillar" She had it memorized and recited the book for him! It is ssooooo cute. We all sat mesmerised as she recited a book we all knew by heart. I was so proud my heart filled up and I swear I floated over to the computer to blog it!

There are days when she does something new and wonderful, she just takes my breath away.

Oct 21, 2005

Why mornings suck!

Okay so picture this, I am typing to you with a package of frozen weiners sitting next to me. Why, you ask? (Lets just assume you asked so that I can complain.)

Well this morning, some idiot at the post office called us at 7:30 in the morning to verify the change off address we put in to days ago dated for Monday. I couldn't get back to sleep, so I stumbled blindly into the kitchen to get some coffee. There was cold leftover coffee in a thermos on the counter so I poured it into the one coffee cup I don't have packed and nuked it like I do every morning. But apparently this morning even the coffee cup was out to get me, because when I reached in to pick up my cup, it was super, incredibly, searingly HOT! I picked it up and put it down in seconds. But that wasn't quick enough. I immediately developed a huge white blister on my finger. And let me tell you, it hurts like heck! I went to the freezer to look for ice, but found none. The only thing I found that I could hold in my hand was a pack of frozen weiners.

So now I sit here with a pack of frozen weiners and a cup of coffee that has gotten cold. I am drinking the coffee anyway because I earned it dammit! I try to type but then the pain gets so bad, I revert to one-handed typing with said pack of weiners.

So, my dear blog freinds, if I visit your site today and only leave a tiny short message, remember how hard it was for me to type it and have mercy on me. Typing this took an eternity, I swear!