SCROLL DOWN FOR WORDLESS WEDNESDAY
I am an over-protective mom. I know this. All my daughters life, I have been the last one I know to loosen the apron strings and let her do things on her own. Reluctantly, I let go and let her face each new horizon alone while I watch from the sidelines, holding my breath, anxiously frightened on her behalf while she bravely faces the world.
I remember when she was first learning to walk. I was terrified. I wanted so badly to follow her around with pillows to catch her when she fell. I often joked I wanted to pad the whole world. But she bravely toddled along, taking her tumbles in stride, while I watched from the sidelines wincing with each little knock.
I am just so afraid that if I let her go, she will get hurt and what is a mom for if not to protect her child from the hurts in the world. Now I watch as I let her play in the front yard with the other kids and I am not out there with her. After realizing that all the other children were allowed to do this, and knowing that she had to be able to play with kids her own age, I let go. I let her play outside with them. But I watched anxiously from my window. Terrified that some terrible calamity would befall her if I stopped my nervous vigil. Eventually, I let go. She knows the rules. She knows where she is and isn't allowed to go and so far, she listens to me.
This year, she announced that she wanted to go the bus stop alone like all the other kids. I knew I had to let her, be the big girl she wanted to be. But still I stand each morning watching from my doorway with my coffee in hand until the bus comes to get her. I need to see that she is okay.
And I will admit that her safety comes to mind even when I consider where I raise her. I moved to a whole different province in part because I felt where we were living wasn't safe. And even now, I wonder about the neighbourhood we are in. I love it here, but when neighbour women start rolling around in their driveway trying to tear each other's hair out, I wonder. When a neighbour child chases my daughter with a wooden hammer trying to beat her with it, I wonder. I have been known to be the mean mom, going out there and telling some other woman's kid not to hurt my child. I am just protective. And for every time I go out there, there are a hundred that I don't. I try so hard to let her learn to deal with other kids. I know I can't be there all the time to protect her. I want to but I can't. I have to let her gain the tools she needs to deal with the world . . . no matter how many cups of coffee I have to consume on the sidelines while I watch nervously.
I remember when she was first learning to walk. I was terrified. I wanted so badly to follow her around with pillows to catch her when she fell. I often joked I wanted to pad the whole world. But she bravely toddled along, taking her tumbles in stride, while I watched from the sidelines wincing with each little knock.
I am just so afraid that if I let her go, she will get hurt and what is a mom for if not to protect her child from the hurts in the world. Now I watch as I let her play in the front yard with the other kids and I am not out there with her. After realizing that all the other children were allowed to do this, and knowing that she had to be able to play with kids her own age, I let go. I let her play outside with them. But I watched anxiously from my window. Terrified that some terrible calamity would befall her if I stopped my nervous vigil. Eventually, I let go. She knows the rules. She knows where she is and isn't allowed to go and so far, she listens to me.
This year, she announced that she wanted to go the bus stop alone like all the other kids. I knew I had to let her, be the big girl she wanted to be. But still I stand each morning watching from my doorway with my coffee in hand until the bus comes to get her. I need to see that she is okay.
And I will admit that her safety comes to mind even when I consider where I raise her. I moved to a whole different province in part because I felt where we were living wasn't safe. And even now, I wonder about the neighbourhood we are in. I love it here, but when neighbour women start rolling around in their driveway trying to tear each other's hair out, I wonder. When a neighbour child chases my daughter with a wooden hammer trying to beat her with it, I wonder. I have been known to be the mean mom, going out there and telling some other woman's kid not to hurt my child. I am just protective. And for every time I go out there, there are a hundred that I don't. I try so hard to let her learn to deal with other kids. I know I can't be there all the time to protect her. I want to but I can't. I have to let her gain the tools she needs to deal with the world . . . no matter how many cups of coffee I have to consume on the sidelines while I watch nervously.
1 comment:
I must be over protective too... If some kid chased my kids around with a wooden hammer, I would keep them inside... Because that's just insane!... Where do kids pick up these awful habits from? *sigh*
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