Now and Later

I love sweet moments with my kids where we just enjoy each other.  This morning, I decided we needed a day like that.  So I put on a family movie and the kids all cuddled on the couches and chairs (even Princess Belle) and we watched a movie together.  It was fun and I was reminded again what a big, soft squishy heart, my Princess Magpie has.  Where the other girls simply enjoyed the movie, she was moved to tears and in the end laughed with joy through her tears.  She really is very sweet. 

Little Prince had speech therapy today and we discovered that even after our move, he will still be covered by the same therapist!  The continuity will be great for  him.  I did discover that we don't have to have all his EIBI in our house and that we can arrange to have it at other places like the park and the swimming pool!  I also discovered that we can delay his schooling by a year if we so choose and I think I am going to do that.  I really believe the difference another year of therapies could do for him would be amazingly helpful in schooling him!

Finally!

Last night, Princess Belle finally was able to cash in her birthday present . . . movie tickets!  She and I went to the movies.  She had so much fun and enjoyed the idea of having a big girls day out with just her and I.  We were almost alone in the theatre (one other couple) because it was the late movie on a weeknight, but I figured, this is a benefit of homeschooling - she can sleep in.  So we laughed and giggled and whispered and had fun together. She is such a great kid and so helpful with her siblings that she deserved this night out with just the two of us and I definitely want to do it again with her another time.

Firsts

I recently saw a movie about a girl who breaks up with her boyfriend.  She thinks it is going to be wonderful but before long she is miserable and all she can think of is either getting back with her boyfriend or getting a new one.  She moves into a little apartment.  When she first moves in, the place is filled with all the necessities of life, but there is very little of her in there.  She doesn't think she will stay so she doesn't invest herself in it. Over time, through a period of self-discovery, she finds a way to really settle into her life and to really enjoy it.  To be invested in the life that she is living now and by the end of the movie, her little apartment is filled with all sorts of little touches that reflect her personality and the life she is living. 

Today this sat with me.  I think that for the first time since I was married all those almost 15 years ago, I am feeling ready to really invest in the place that I live now.  I don't look at housing ads and long to be moving to new and better pastures.  I am really settling into the life I am living now.  So instead of living in a home that could only generously be called, hand-me-down chic, I am investing a little at a time and effort into making this my home.  In the past, I never felt settled, so it felt silly to spend and lot of time, effort, and money into improving things in a place I probably wasn't going to stay.  But now, I am doing things I have never done before.  I am investing in my home, in my life and in myself.

 And so now, I find myself standing at my sink, looking out the window and smiling out at the open fields and the laundry blowing on the line. I drive through town, past all the familiar landmarks,step out of the van at my doorstep I take a deep breath of pure satisfaction.  I wave at my neighbors and feel real genuine affection for them.  Things in the house are not exactlythe way I want them to but, for the first time, I can see a time when this home will be filled with touches that truly reflect my personality and my life.  It took me almost 44 years but I can honestly say that I am happy with the skin, the home, and the life I am in.

No Limit

I watched the movie, Temple Grandin yesterday.  It was the story of Temple Grandin, an autistic woman who went on to become one of the top scientists in the humane livestock handling industry.  A few things struck me about Temple, she didn't talk until she was 4 (Little Prince is 2 1/2) and life wasn't always easy for her, and people were sometimes mean, but there were always kind people along the way too and she had a determination not to let the mean ones stop her from accomplishing her goals.  There were no limits to what she could do.  She was incredible.

I would love to pass that determination on to my kids.

Princess Belle sat down and watched most of the movie with me and it sparked conversation.  We discussed similarities and differences between them.  I talked to Princess Belle about how in Temple's life as in Princess Belle's there are mean people.  But that as long as Princess Belle has a few good people on her side, it will be okay.  And we talked about how there are no limits to the great things she can accomplish.  How we believe in her.

It opened my eyes to the great future ahead Little Prince.  We just have to meet him where he is and then I am confident he will show us all the wonderful things he can do.  And, I can't wait until he can talk and I can know some of the things going on in his head.

#Autism

RIP

Last night, I was heartbroken to learn that Robin Williams had passed away.  I have loved him and his work from the time I was six years old and first enjoyed him on Mork and Mindy.  He made laugh, he brought so much joy to me and to the rest of the world with his enthusiastic portrayal of joy and embracing life. 

I think what saddened me the most was that this man who brought so much happiness to the world, was so sad on the inside.  While he was making us laugh and we didn't know it was through a veil of tears, we didn't know that he was so sad on the inside.  It breaks my heart to the think of the depth of his depression that it lead him to that place where death seems like the only way out.

He made us happy, I just wish we could have done the same for him. 

RIP Robin, may your soul have the peace you desired.

Thoughts

I was watching a movie earlier with Prince Charming and in it the brother to the king was lamenting how he would never be king.  He would always be in the kings shadow and boo hoo woe is me.  It sparked a conversation about how he needs to rearrange his thinking.  Yes, he is brother, no he will never be King.  BUT . . . he gets to live in the castle.  He gets the riches and respect that come with that.  He gets a life of plenty and he doesn't have the responsibilities and threats that come with the throne.

It made me think of other people who feel the same way.  I mean, I am broke, my husband is unemployed, and I recently lost $2000 when I was trying to save for a move.  But I am married.  I have found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.  I know of single women my age who desperately long for that to happen for them.  I used to be one of them.  I have not only one but FOUR children.  I know of lots of women who want so badly for that to happen for them.  I used to be one of them too.  I know that no matter how bad our financial situation is, I am blessed.  I need to always remember how blessed I am.

Sunday Seven

1. It is snowing like crazy outside.  I don't even mind.  We have lots of food, lots of oil, nowhere to go and our house warm.  So I am just enjoying a day with my family and watching the snow.  It helps that I have figured out since moving here that the snow never seems to stay long.  So far this winter it has only lasted a few days and then it rains and it all goes away.  LOL.  NOT like living in Newfoundland!
2. This is pretty random, but it stems from a conversation I had with Prince Charming.  I was was thinking about how people deal with things that happen in life.  Bad things are sometimes going to happen.  They just will and you can live your life hiding in a hole, protecting yourself and your life, hiding from everything, but then, what kind of life are you protecting?  You need to risk being hurt, risk having things worth losing to have a full and wonderful life. 
3. The other day, Prince Charming and I were side by side but one of us is watching Hawaii Five 0 on the computer while the other was watching Ghosts of Girlfriends Past on television.  The funny part is, guess which was watching which?  I was watching Hawaii Five O and HE was watching Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.  LOL, it just struck me as funny.  
4. Due to the fact that Little Prince is a light sleeper and he sleeps in the living room, Prince Charming and I spend all our evenings in our bedroom.  We put a television in there (we never had one before) and we put our computer in there.  The thing is, I actually don't mind.  It means that we spend every evening within an arms reach of each other.  We chat, do our own thing, usually I spend some time making ornaments for Christmas Tree project, and we spend time together doing our own thing but the forced togetherness is actually nice. 
5. On the other hand, having Little Prince hold our living room hostage every night is NOT fun!  He is such a light sleeper that going out to get a drink of water in the kitchen runs the risk of waking him up. 
6. Other things are more difficult with him there as well.  It means that Princess Belle and I can't do schoolwork when he is sleeping because the table we use is too close to where he is and we wake him up.  It means that I can't do housework when he is sleeping because the rattling of dishes and other things wakes him up.  It is driving me crazy!  Good thing we are moving in about 6 months!
7. I was looking back at pictures I take and I can certain ones I take a lot (different versions but definitely a theme).  I take pics of the girls together, of children looking through windows, of people walking hand in hand. and of children sleeping.  I just like those things and when I see them, it speaks to me.

Remind me why again?!

Every now and then I get a good reminder why I am moving out of the city.  Just when I start to question whether or not I am doing the right thing, Princess Belle comes in sobbing about being bullied again, or someone vandalizes something in the neighbourhood, or the police go speeding by sirens blazing AGAIN, or the cab driver explains to me why the house around the corner just got boarded up.  Apparently, this house that I walk past on a fairly regular basis was closed up because nobody wanted to live in it after the current tenant was SHOT during some kind of DRUG confrontation!!!!!  Remind me again what a stellar neighbourhood I live in!!!!!  I am so glad to be leaving the city and going to a more rural area.  I am not crazy, I am not going to pick up and move to another promise based on some changes in homeschooling that MAY happen in two years.  I am willing to stick it out and see how bad it is going to be.  I LIKE Nova Scotia.  It is a lovely place to live.  So we are going to plan our life  here.  The only sticking point is I will not allow my kids to be subjected to standardized testing.  I won't!  I refuse.  Other than that, I will do what I can. 

I will say that I am looking forward to having a house where we will have one place for all our homeschooling paraphernalia to live.  It is frustrating having it poked in jibs and jabs around the house. 

I am also looking forward to having all our kids have someplace appropriate to sleep.  Right now, they are sleeping where we can fit them and it just isn't working. 

On the good side of things, I plan on having our decorations all up today for Christmas and I can't wait.  I LOVE how pretty everything is and I LOVE LOVE LOVE how excited the kids get when they see it.  After using the same tree for more than 10 years, we got a new tree this year.  It is pretty.  It is one of those ones that you have to put each branch in one by one but the result is a beautiful, big, full tree.  I love it!

I have started my annual tradition of watching all the Christmas movies.  I LOVE it.  It makes me feel so warm and happy. 

I recently bought some new containers and there currently, no boxes in my pantry.  Everything is in a container and it looks sooo much better!  And as a side benefit, everything fits better too. 

Sad

For quite some time now, I have had an episode of 19 kids and Counting on my DVR but I haven't been up to watching it.  I knew I wanted to at some point, but I wasn't there yet.  You see I felt a connection with Michelle Duggar in this last pregnancy.  We were both older mothers, her youngest daughter, Josie was born around the same time as my youngest daughter, Princess Snifflefritz and her new baby was due the same time at Little Prince was due.  I was cheering her on when she was pregnant and when she lost her baby, I remembered my pain when I lost a baby and I thought about my baby boy and how that could so easily have been me losing him. 

So tonight, I finally felt strong enough to watch the episode without it completely breaking my heart.  I did get through it, and I am glad I watched it.  It was so completely heartbreaking to see that little coffin.  I heard her words and I was moved to tears.  I cried the tears of a mother who understand the pain of losing a baby that never got to know your love, I held my son a little longer after it was over and remembered how completely grateful I am for every single one of my children. 

Good Movie

I just watched Life as We Know It. It was a wonderful movie. I have never spent so much time sobbing in a comedy. It was one of those touching, heartwarming movies that I just really enjoy sometimes. Prince Charming came out halfway through and watched the rest of it with me and even he wiped away a manly tear at the end.

I made coconut tea biscuits today. They were really good. Princess Belle brought some out to her friend, then she brought over her friend's teenage sister and gave her one, then her little brother. LOL and the best part is later they all came back over and asked for another one each!

Tuesday Talk

Headache again today. I am taking it as easy as I can and hoping that it eases up soon. We watched "How to train your Dragon" today. It was fun and Prince Charming even got a kick out of it. It left us all smiling.

I am looking forward to getting out more and more now that the weather is getting nicer. There are so many great things about living here that I really like and want to take advantage of.

For supper tonight I just roasted some chicken breasts in a pot with some onion soup mix and tomato sauce and served it over rice.

My supper was a quick vegetarian invention that tasted amazing and took minutes to make. It is kinda high in fat, but it was SOOOOO yummy! I light-heartedly called it peanut butter and jelly pasta LOL.

I cooked some thin rice noodles with some broccoli in the pot with it while it was cooking. Then mixed it up with a sauce I made with:
garlic powder
ground ginger
2 tbsp chunky peanut butter
2 tbsp soy sauce
hot sauce to taste
1 tbsp red pepper jelly (you could use marmalade)
and enough hot water to thin it out.

I'm Back!

It took a couple of days to get the computer set up, but I am back now. I have some pics and things to share later but for now I will say that the move went okay. I am glad to be at this end of it and unpacking and settling in. The house is considerably smaller than my previous home, but it is cute and has a really big kitchen that I really like. I can see me doing it up nicely.

The two babies are sleeping in the same room now and the transition went super-well. I am so amazed at how they entertain themselves. It is cute to hear them. Well aside from tonight when I heard extra giggling and went in to find Princess Magpie completely nekkid jumping up and down in the crib with her baby sister. She looked at me when I walked in, held up her arms, and said, "I stuck". Like some evil person had put her in there and she was so grateful that I had rescued her (and not that she had pushed furniture together, climbed in and been having a blast). When I got her out, she looked down at herself and said, "You have pants?" Like she noticed that the evil villain who had trapped her in the crib had also stolen her pants (and the rest of her clothes) when she wasn't looking. But I got her dressed, put her back to bed, gave them both a drink and they went back to bed quietly. So sweet and funny, my girls.

Here are some pics from our Easter:

Random thoughts

Well, I am still snowed in but last night my neighbour offered to babysit the kids while I went to get groceries and given my extreme need not to go another day without coffee, I took her up on it. She is fabulous and offered to babysit anytime I want to get groceries. She also told me to go on into her place and help myself any time I run out of coffee again!

Princess Belle and I made Prince Charming a Valentines present the other day that I forgot to mention. We made a bakeapple and blueberry pie for him. He LOVED it. I am glad it turned out so well.

I have been watching this show in CBC called, "Village on a Diet". I have been really enjoying it. I really like the fact that everyone on the show is doing this while dealing with real every day issues. Don't get me wrong I LOVE "The Biggest Loser" and I would love to be able to dedicate that much time and effort to just being a healthier me, but I can relate more to this show because it is so real.

Princess Snifflefritz is sick. I hate it when my babies are sick. I spent most of the night up cuddling her. She just seemed to need me so much, my poor little baby. And, she isn't eat well again. Just when I had her on track and eating and filling out more, she gets sick. UGH.

Friday Five

1. It was a pretty good day, rainy, but good. We took the kids out shopping. I bought some supplies for homeschooling.
   
2. I let Princess Belle pick out a notebook, some pencils and some other things that she liked. She enjoyed that.
   
3. I found out that a restaurant here in town will make a low-fat, veggie, cheese-less pizza for me, that way if Prince Charming wants to order something for supper one night when we aren't broke from moving, I have an option for me too.
   
4. We didn't go to the Festival today. It was raining and I figured we were out yesterday, I don't need to brave the rain to enjoy it. If it rains all weekend, we will go next year.
5. Little tv note, I am enjoying Big Brother this year. Julie talking about Enzo's accent makes me laugh.
   

Friday Five

1. I am excited that I just received a couple of products to review for homeschooling. I love to try new things with our homeschooling journey and it is fun to try them in Princess Belle.
2. I am having fun watching The Biggest Loser this year. I love the camaraderie that the contestants seem to have with each other. I love that we have sometimes seen a softer side of Jillian. We see that she really does care. I am a big fan of a lot of the contestants.
3. In a few days, we may be the proud owners of a new used Ford Windstar! We will have a working mini-van that we will be able to fit all our kids in as well as guests and groceries. I am so excited.
4. We will also be buying a new used washer and dryer. Which is good because with the ones I have broken, my laundry room is fast becoming a room stuffed with laundry.
   
5. We have decided that we are not going to move anymore. We are going to do what it takes to make it work here. When we worry about socialization, we will take it into our hands to get our daughter some socialization. (including signing her up for Tae Kwan Doe [spelling?] starting next week).
   

Wow

I just heard this song for the first time and it took my breath away. The end of it had me in tears. It is just beautiful!

HURRY HOME - Jason Michael Carrol

Aww, that's sad

I just found out that the lead singer of the band, Boyzone, that played our wedding song has passed away.

Our wedding song meant a lot to me. We had to face a lot of obstacles in order to get together and the lyrics in this song really spoke to me. Our biggest obstacle was religious, my family and my church wanted me to marry within my religion and I knew that by choosing to pursue a relationship with Prince Charming I was taking a big leap of faith. But I also knew that no matter what they thought and no matter what they said, this felt right, he was the one that was meant for me. Prince Charming's family were under the impression that we moved to fast, that we rushed into things. They couldn't understand that in order to be together we couldn't do this casually, because of my religion we had to jump in with both feet or to just walk away, we had to decide if the battle was worth the victory. I have always known that it was. And to top it all off my best friend was giving us a hard time because although she was engaged to someone else, she had a history with Prince Charming and kind of wanted to keep him as her back-up plan or the one who pined his life away waiting for her.

When I heard the lyrics, especially "No matter what they tell you, No matter what they do, No matter what they teach you, What you believe is true" and "No matter what the end is, My life began with you. I can't deny what I believe, I can't be what I'm not, I know, I know, I know this love's forever, That's all that matters now, No matter what"

Here is our wedding song:

No Matter What
Boyzone Andrew Lloyd Webber (music)/Jim Steinman(lyrics)

No matter what they tell us
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach us
What we believe is true

No matter what they call us
However they attack
No matter where they take us
We'll find our own way back

I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know I'll love forever
I know, no matter what

If only tears were laughter
If only night was day
If only prayers were answered
Then we would hear God say

No matter what they tell you
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach you
What you believe is true

And I will keep you safe and strong
And sheltered from the storm
No matter where it's barren
A dream is being born

No matter who they follow
No matter where they lead
No matter how they judge us
I'll be everyone you need

No matter if the sun don't shine
Or if the skies are blue
No matter what the end is
My life began with you

I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know, I know
I know this love's forever
That's all that matters now
No matter what

Too cool!

This is too much fun and really cool. I love that the one guy is doing all the backup singing, all the singing and everything and the guy who made the video is also doing the music. These guys are talented.

How sad

I woke up this morning and decided to check my email before getting a start on the day. When I did, Prince Charming had left something open on the computer, he knew I would want to know. Patrick Swayze has passed away. I am so sad. I LOVED watching him act. Dirty Dancing is tied (with Grease) for my all-time favorite movie. I loved how dedicated he was to his wife in real life. I LOVE his personality as well as how incredibly sexy his facial expressions could be. There are moments in Dirty Dancing when he looks at Baby that have always just touched me to my soul and still does every time I watch the movie. To know someone who touched me so deeply so long ago has now passed away, just makes me want to cry. It is silly because, I never knew the man and I did know he was sick, but I feel a little heartbroken today.

19 weeks and other random thoughts

On Friday we had a doctor's appointment. He went over the results from our Ultrasound with us. He showed us with his hands how big our baby's body parts were and how big she was as a whole. He let us know that she was transverse which was no surprise because every one of my babies has spent the entire pregnancy that way. I must be more roomy sideways than up and down. (Is that code for I am short and fat??) He also let me know that the placenta is anterior. That explains why the doctor has a hard time getting her heartbeat on the doppler he has (which he confessed was a cheap model he bought off amazon!!). It also explains why her movements feel different to me, less sharp less . . . um . . .what is the word . . . defined I gess, more like pushes and stretches. But I was definitely feeling her because she was exactly where I was feeling her. And that made me smile, made me feel more connected to my baby. I noticed that I feel her when eat spicy food, or when I happen to drink coffee with real caffiene. The doctor has said he feels I may have low iron which may explain the headaches, tiredness, and heart palpitations. I have to go get some bloodwork done to find out for certain. He also said that my weight gain is within normal expectations. I am glad to hear that. I know I am overweight and I am always nervous that a doctor will give me a hard time about it, but he didn't at all.

On another note, my new cheaper, money-saving menu plan is a hit with the family so far. Prince Charming has always said that when I am forced to be creative because of budget, diet or available grocery limitations, I come up with some of his favorite meals and so far that is holding true.

And another thought I wanted to share, I watched a show today about a family that moved to the Country and restored an old stone farmhouse by hand. I watched as they settled into the hard work of living in the country and restoring the house and land and I was envious. Not that I don't have lots of hard work, but I think in my soul, I am a Country girl. I love the community of the country; I love the pace of life; I love the way you work hard and reap the benefits. I would love to be a country mom, cooking, canning, sewing, and taking care of my kids and my home. Instead I live in the city, sharing a wall in my house with neighbours. It is better than an apartment but I would love to live somewhere with lots of land, walking along the beach, letting my kids have the run of our yard, feeling they were safe and sound. I guess that is why I loved living on the west coast of Newfoundland when I did. It felt that way to me. And it explains those occassional longings I have to pick up all our stuff and just take off back the west coast for the rest of our lives.

And finally, here's all about what's technically going on in my pregnancy!

Fetal development - 19 weeks pregnant



You're halfway there! The top of your uterus now reaches your belly button and will grow about a centimetre per week. The fetus measures around 6 inches/ 15 centimetres long from crown to rump and weighs about 9 ounces/ 240 grams.

She has started to swallow amniotic fluid, and her kidneys continue to make urine. Hair on the scalp is sprouting.

Sensory development reaches its peak this week. The nerve cells serving each of the senses -- taste, smell, hearing, seeing, and touch -- are now developing in their specialised areas of the brain. Nerve cell production slows down as existing nerve cells grow larger and make more complex connections. If you're carrying a baby girl, she already has roughly six million eggs in her ovaries. By the time she's born, she'll have about one million.

You no doubt feel the kicking and somersaulting of your growing baby. At times, she may be so mobile that you can't sleep. The next ten weeks or so will be your baby's busiest and most active time, until the womb gets too crowded. Two will soon be three and that will mean lots of changes.