Goofing Around

I spent some time goofing around with my girls, trying our hands a taking a couple of selfies.  It was fun and it was a chance to get a couple of casual pics with my girls.  It was part of my plan to include more pics of myself in my recollections of my time with my kids. 

Trying a New 'Do

I decided I really wanted to get my hair done before my move.  So, I went out to get it cut and colored.  I went to a cheap salon because with money being so tight before the move, it seemed like a good idea.  But, when she told me it would be $15 for the cut and $67 to get it colored too, I decided she was crazy!  So I got it cut and went next door and bought some color to do myself. 

Here is the before.  The thing I like the least is that you can see so clearly how much hair I have lost while losing weight. 

This is after the cut but before I went home to color it.

And this is this morning after I got up, I colored it myself last night.

Okay here it is . . . .

Okay, here's the part where I complain a little.  I know . . . I don't do it a lot, but really, I need to get this off my mind.  So if you are looking for sunshine, rainbows and butterflies, you may want to scroll right on by. 

So here it is . . . . getting old sucks!  I know . . . shocking, right?  But I am only 43 years old and every morning when I get up, I feel really, really old. 

My nighttime routine consists of the following:

1. I tuck into bed and either read a book or watch a little bit of netflix, for about 15 minutes, just long enough to feel sleepy.

2.  I turn on my side and fall asleep for a hour.

3.  After an hour, either my neck, back, shoulder, knees or a combination thereof hurts so bad that I have to turn over.

4.  Repeat this for about 4 or 5 hours, then find out both sides hurt and lay on my back for an hour to sleep.

5.  After another hour (for a total of 5 or 6 hours), everything hurts but especially my neck.  So now I have to get up, because I have learned that if I stay in bed past this point I get a HORRIBLE headache (no matter how much I really really want more sleep!)

I get up in the morning an stumble downstairs blearily to the coffee pot and wait for the caffeine to do it's job and wake me up enough to mommy for the day.  I tell Prince Charming I get up in the morning because my bed is trying to kill me.  But I mean really, who gets up because it hurts to much to LAY DOWN!!!  Isn't laying down the thing you do when you hurt??   How am I so old and broken that laying down is to strenuous for me?????

I tell you . . .  this getting old things SUCKS!!!

Leave it to Beaverland . . .

Eleven years ago, on my very first blog post, I posted about how this isn't the happily ever after I dreamed of when I was a little girl.  Heck, it is even on my About Me Page!  And certainly I am willing to admit that my childhood dreams of Ozzie and Harriet meets Leave it to Beaver may have been a little out of the range of possibilities.  And I am even willing to say that there are things I never would have expected in a million years.

• The Prince Charming of my dreams would never have been unemployed, but then he probably didn't get belly buttons and play at drawing pictures on little backs either.  
• There were only three children in my dreams, but that is only because I never even imagined how wonderful four children could be.
• I would never have thought that I could be the mother of kids with special need, but then all kids have their own special needs, my kids just wear most of theirs on the outside where I can see them.  
• I never imagined changing homes almost as often as we change our socks, but we have just been searching for the best place to raise our family and I think this time we found it . . . and besides, my kids like the adventure. 
• It never crossed my mind that I would teach my kids at home, I had visions of handing them their lunches, patting them on the head and sending them off to school.  In my mind, homeschooled kids were lonely children resembling the kids from the Von Trappe family, not the friendly, outgoing kids in my home.  But then, I would have missed out on all the wonderful light bulb moments of discovery that make homeschooling so much fun.

Von Trappe Family

 My kids

The thing is, if my childhood self could have had a list of lives to choose from, she wouldn't have picked the life that said "budget conscious, homeschooling mom of four kids at least two of whom have special needs and whose husband isn't working right now".  And . . . she would have been wrong.  She would have missed out on a wonderfully relaxed home filled with laughter, love, learning, fun, giggles and quite simply filled with so much life.  There is no part of my life that I would exchange for the Ozzie and Harriet meets Leave it to Beaverland life of my dreams.  Because  realizing those dreams would have made me miss out on the best parts of the life I have.

My adorable little helpers

Sisterly adoration

Dandelion bouquets for mommy and blowing wishes for my kids

My beautiful girls

Mischievous smiles

Slumber so sweet, you just want to snuggle

Silly games

The light these people bring to my life

Smiles to melt your heart

Firsts that are a LONG time coming (At three years old, the first time my autistic son climbed stairs by himself)

Sisters who help and adore their baby brother

Joyful kids

Silly kids

Playful kids

Playing dress-up

Thoughtful moments

Sisterly smiles that show how close they truly are

Quiet moments

My beautiful teenager daughter, she made me a mother and changed me forever.

Prince Charming who loves to share his knowledge with his kids

A house filled with love

He's Changed Me

Little Prince has changed how I look at things.  When I watch a show or a video about a family affected by special needs, I have a different outlook.  I was always open-minded and softhearted but now I am more personally affected.

For example, Garth Brooks' video "Standing Outside the Fire" makes me cry.  I LOVE it.  The way the boy with special needs works so hard for what he wants to accomplish, the way his mother supports him, and when his father come running to his side at the end, it touches me in a real, very deep way.


And for another example, I have always had social issues and I was always uncomfortable when I was approached by someone I didn't know and they talked a lot to me.  When I was at bus stops, I was often approached by people who had special needs who wanted to chat.  I was always polite,  I was never once rude to them, I smiled at them, listened to them but inside I was uncomfortable.  But now when I look at one of these people at the bus stop, independently making their way in the world, chatting with people at the bus stop, I actually admire what they have accomplished.  When they chat with people they don't know, I think of Little Prince in the future, I think of how I would want people to treat him if he was able to communicate and wanted to chat with them.  Now, I chat back, I smile at them and mean it.  I converse with them and really listen to them.  I treat them with the respect I think we all deserve and I treat them the way I hope Little Prince is treated in the future.

This little boy who can't talk, who doesn't sleep and eat properly, and who lights up every single moment of my life has changed me in so many real and profound ways.  He has opened my heart and mind and made me a better person.

Bits and Bobs

Here are some random thoughts floating around in my head today:

1.  I am still working on Little Prince's sleep and eating habits.  His sleep is going better (for now anyway) but his eating not so much.  But we keep trying!  I am so in love with this little bundle of sweetness.

2.  I love how Princess Magpie loves to entertain her brother.  She is so cute singing, dancing and playing with him.

3.  I packed up a box of his toys yesterday and he never even noticed!

4.  The kids are no longer sick, YAY!  I am now getting a sore throat . . . it sucks, but I can handle it. 

5.  I am trying to come up with healthy foods to make for meals for my whole family.  It is a challenge but I like doing my best to come up with some.

6.  I am still an emotional wreck who cries every time I so much as think of saying goodbye to my friends.

7.  On the other hand, I have some groups from new town on facebook and I am getting excited by some of the things there.

8.  We got a little behind in our schooling this year, so I am hoping to do some summer school after we move so that we can be caught up by September.

9.  I love how much the little girls love to 'help' me pack.  It is cute to see them get excited.  I laugh as they love the boxes just as much as putting stuff in them. LOL

Today

I having a day today.  I am tired, grouchy, and headachy!  Not fun, but I am putting on a happy face and trying to get things done. 

And I am trying not be grouchy when they girls get overly excited and overly loud in their playing.  There is so much to do as I was out shopping for groceries yesterday and when mommy is away, disaster comes to play. 

In the meantime, I am nursing what I think is my 79th coffee for the day and trying desperately to get things done. 

Is it?

I have this thing.  It is kind of stupid and morbid I guess, but it is important to me.  Whenever I hang up the phone from someone important to me or leave home to go somewhere, I need to tell tell the person there that I love them.  That has to be the last words we say.

You see, I feel like if anything bad should happen to either one of us, I want to know that those were the last words we said to each other.  It can't be something stupid like, "go get the bus" or "gotta go".  It certainly can't be words said in anger.  So even if I am upset, or if I am in a hurry I always say, "I love you" before hanging up the phone.

I know it is kind of morbid to think that way, but I guess it also makes sure that those important to me know how much I love them.

Saying I love you is important to me.  I make sure to say it to my kids a lot.  But in a meaningful way that involves looking them in the eyes, hugging, or touching them lightly.  When they grow up, I need them to know that I loved and accepted them as they were always and without question.

I guess as obsessions go, it isn't really a bad one.

Balance

One thing I try to remember with Little Prince is that even though, he seems like a baby, he isn't.  He is a growing boy.  He is almost 3 years old and I need to remember that. 
There are so many ways that I need to resist the temptation to treat him like a baby: 

• I need to let him walk places when he is up to it.  
• I need to resist the temptation to use baby talk and talk to him like he is an almost 3 year old who can understand me, even if he can't talk to me.  Because I really believe he understands so much more than we know. 
• I need to let him grow to bigger boy toys when he is interested in them, watch him, but don't be afraid.

It is hard to balance the fact that I know he is a growing boy with knowing that he doesn't like change, knowing that he likes routine, knowing that he is still a clumsy walker, knowing that he doesn't talk, knowing that he has special needs. 

I try hard to remember what the girls were like when they were this age, to remember how I treated them and to try to give him some of the same freedoms.  But I am a little over-protective of him, and I know that.  He feels like a baby to me and it is hard not to treat him that way.

What Happened

Today being News Years Eve, I have been thinking about the year that has gone by.  So I thought I would share some of my highlights of 2014.

1.  One of the biggest things we did this year was move to a new province.  I have always  liked Nova Scotia and while Newfoundland may always call to my soul, Nova Scotia has become our home.  I don't see us moving back to Newfoundland any time while the kids are young.

2.  My camera broke so all the pictures I took this year have been taken with my phone.  I think they turn out pretty well when you take that into consideration.

3.  Little Prince has actually narrowed his eating choices down.  He basically only eats peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches.  He hasn't really learned anything new yet. But he is on the waiting list for several therapists and doctors and I really believe that things will be getting on the go for him in the next year.  The fact that he is being referred directly to a preschool autism clinic is wonderful.  He has developed into such a sweet, funny, contented boy and I love him more than I can ever explain. 

4. Princess Snifflefritz started kindergarten in our homeschooling and she has shown so much more patience than I can ever explain.  She is such a loving, cuddly little girl.  She still has a speech impediment that makes her difficult to understand sometimes, but she sounds so cute when she talks I just want to hug her. 

5.  Princess Magpie has developed into a little mini-me.  She loves to organize and clean and cook.  She loves to help in any way she can.  She adores her baby brother and plays with him whenever she has the opportunity.  It is all I can do to keep her out of his room when he is napping.  My only issue with Princess Magpie is that she is so insecure, she doesn't realize how very special she is and it has been my goal to help her with that.

6.  Princess Belle has really liked our move.  She has two friends that live right around our door who share her interests.  She loves having her own room and loves the fact that one of her friends is next door and yells out his window to talk to her in her window. So all in all she has been really contented here.  She is a great big sister and I am pretty sure, Little Prince thinks she is another mommy to him.  He adores her!

7.  Little Prince fell out of his crib in February of this year and broke his collar bone.  My poor boy!  I felt so awful.  He did heal though and you would never know he had fallen.  I was thrilled when he got his little brace off, but he and I are both a little nervous over his klutzy tendency to fall though.  I would love to pad his whole world to keep him safe and I admit it, I am really over-protective of my boy.

8.  My girls spent a great deal of time this year dressing up.  They love it so much and I LOVE to watch their fun and their enjoyment. 

9.  At the end of the this year, I decided to stop away from the TOS review crew.  They have been good to me, but I felt pulled in too many directions and needed to let somethings go for a while.  As much as I enjoyed the TOS Crew, it was honestly a relief to have one less deadline on my plate. 

10.  In March, Princess Magpie got into the craft supplies and gave her little sister a haircut!  It took a LONG time for her to look halfway normal again.  Good thing she is cute so that she could pull off that horrible 'do. 

11.  I started doing a lot more cooking with my little girls this year.  They love it so much and always ready to jump right in and stand on a chair to 'help' me in the kitchen.

12.  And this year, I finally became the mommy of only one child in diapers!  It took a long time, but Princess Snifflefritz finally got the hang of being completely potty trained.

13.  Princess Belle experimented with dying her hair blond and she loved it which was what I wanted for  her anyway.

14.  One of the things we liked about moving to Nova Scotia was all of the events and festivals we have been able to enjoy.

15.  It was our first year doing homeschool with three kids full-time.  I have struggled to get a routine but we are getting through it.  The kids are loving it and that is the important thing.

16.  Our friend Chris was missing this year and we spent a lot of time worrying about him, but we were thrilled when he was found safe and sound.

17.  Little Prince moved to a big boy bed and he made the transition remarkably well!  I am so proud of him.