A Way

People have been talking about whether or not they would change their autistic child if they were given the chance, would they take their autism away.  In Princess Belle's case I have always said that I wouldn't.  I love all the parts of the person that she is and I am afraid that taking away the autism would mess up that fine balance.  She is high-functioning and her difficulties are less pronounced a lot of the time.  I think that leads to people expecting too much of her sometimes, of not giving her the little bit of understanding that she needs, but I think in her case, I would rather choose to change them instead of changing her.

But I think there is more to it than that.  She has every opportunity to lead a full and wonderful life without limits as far as I can see.  She is wonderful.

Little Prince is a different story.  Don't get me wrong. He is completely wonderful and I adore every little inch of his little body and the feeling of his arms around my neck as I carry him up the stairs to bed is a feeling that can't be matched.  I am so blessed that I was the person that was chosen to be his mommy.  I am grateful for him every single day.  But I worry for him.  I worry about his ability to make himself understood.  Sometimes he wants something or doesn't want something and there is no way for him to let me know other than to panic and scream.  Usually I figure it out quickly, but not always.  It must be so frustrating in his little mind.  He can't make me see what he wants, he doesn't know how to tell me.  I wonder if he is lonely, sad, frustrated, or even if he is hungry.  Would he eat my cupboards bare if only I could know the right foods to put on his plate?

So in his case, I don't know if I would take his autism away and bring him into our world, or just figure out a way into his so that we could understand each other a little better. I love my baby boy with my every fiber of my soul and I just want to know how to make his world a happy place to be. 

#Autism

Listening

I am tired and this may not make a lot of sense, but I have been thinking about some things.

I have read  few blog posts lately that have me thinking about me and my kids and the way I am with them.  I know that I am doing my best, that I love my kids and that they love me and that we are happy.  But I was thinking about how important it is to truly listen to my kids.  How important it is to really hear what they have to say and to give them permission to feel what they feel.  Let them know that in this busy, crazy, world, there is at least one place that they are heard and listened to.

So if my child is scared, or overwhelmed, don't brush it off, hurry them along, or something similar, listen to them, hear why they are feeling the things they are feeling and help them through it.

If my austistic child needs to look at all the birthday cards before we leave the store, take a few minutes, let her see them, give her that.  She doesn't want to be annoying, this is important to her.

If a ride is too loud, or overwhelming, or crowded for my child, give her permission to say no, and we will do something else instead.

And if my non-verbal boy tries to hold onto my neck, shaking and crying because the escalator is scary, take the elevator.  If he lets me know in his own way, he is scared, pay attention, comfort, take the time.  If he is in the kitchen having a snack after I get home from shopping and he starts to cry when I leave the room, then either take him with me, or sit down with him.  The thing is, he is such an easy going boy, and so quiet that it would be easy to view him like a little doll that you take around with you.  But he is a little person, growing and learning and seeing this world.  He needs to know that whatever way he finds to communicate with me, I am listening.  I hear it and I am trying. 

#Autism

Poor Princess Belle

I wish I could go out and give all the kids in the neighbourhood a talking to.  Heck I would love to go ahead of my Princess Belle all her life, preparing the way for her, making people understand that she means well and that she doesn't mean to be different, it is just her way, she is so special and they would be privileged to be luck enough to know her if they gave her a shot.  I want to force them all to look past her autism to the great person she is.  It makes me sad that kids around here choose to make fun of her and make her feel bad instead. I hate that I have to let her find her own way through these things. 

#Autism

Busy day.

It was a super-busy day today.  I went to the fruit and vegetable market and got quite a bit of fresh fruits and veggies.  I am really concentrating on eating mainly fruits and veggies for myself.  This week I am even experimenting with eating as many of them as possible raw to see how I feel.

I also did some other running around today as well and one of the things I did was get a birthday present for my friend's daughter.  Princess Belle is going over there for a birthday sleepover party and I want her to have a good time.  Some of the kids on our street have her intimidated.  So much so that she avoids going outside when they are there.  It makes me sad to see her so bothered by her inability to blend in  and it breaks my heart to see other kids giving her a hard time.

#Autism

The Autism Puzzle - Something to Ponder

We have all heard the saying, you can't fit a square peg in a round hole.

If you try to fit a square peg in a round hole you have to force it in.

Some may even try to pound it in so it fits.

In the process the peg becomes damaged.

Now ponder this...

What happens when you put a round peg in a square hole?

It will slide in easily and move about freely.

It can spin completely around in a full circle.

What is the moral of the story, you might ask.

It is easier to change the environment to suit the Autistic child,

Than it is to change the Autistic child to suit the environment.

#Autism

Welcome to . . .

Welcome to Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.



This one is inspired by the first one, it is a more gritty look at being the mom of a Special Needs child

Welcome to Beirut

"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with autism--to try and help people who have not shared in that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this.."

There you are, happy in your life, one or two little ones at your feet. Life is complete and good. One of the children is a little different than the other, but of course, he's like your in-laws, and you did marry into the family. It can't be all that bad. One day someone comes up from behind you and throws a black bag over your head. They start kicking you in the stomach and trying to tear your heart out. You are terrified, kicking and screaming you struggle to get away but there are too many of them, they overpower you and stuff you into a trunk of a car. Bruised and dazed, you don't know where you are. What's going to happen to you? Will you live through this? This is the day you get the diagnosis. "YOUR CHILD HAS AUTISM"!

There you are in Beirut, dropped in the middle of a war. You don't know the language and you don't know what is going on. Bombs are dropping. "Life long diagnosis" and "Neurologically impaired".

Bullets whiz by "refrigerator mother." "A good smack is all he needs to straighten up." Your adrenaline races as the clock ticks away your child's chances for "recovery". You sure as heck didn't sign up for this and want out NOW! God has overestimated your abilities.

Unfortunately, there is no one to send your resignation to. You've done everything right in your life, well you tried--well, you weren't caught too often. Hey! you've never even heard of autism before. You look around and everything looks the same, but different. Your family is the same, your child is the same, but now he has a label and you have a case worker assigned to your family.

She'll call you soon. You feel like a lab rat dropped into a maze.

Just as you start to get the first one figured out (early intervention) they drop you into a larger more complex one (school).

Never to be outdone, there is always the medical intervention maze. That one is almost never completed. There is always some new "miracle" drug out there. It helps some kids, will it help yours? You will find some of the greatest folks in the world are doing the same maze you are, maybe on another level, but a special-ed maze just the same. Tapping into those folks is a great life line to help you get through the day. This really sucks, but hey, there are still good times to be had.

WARNING! You do develop an odd sense of humor.

...Every so often you get hit by a bullet or bomb not enough to kill you, only enough to leave a gaping wound. Your child regresses for no apparent reason, and it feels like a kick in the stomach.

...Some bully makes fun of your kid and your heart aches.

...You're excluded from activities and functions because of your child and you cry.

...Your other children are embarrassed to be around your disabled child and you sigh.

...You're insurance company refuses to provide therapies for "chronic, life long conditions" and your blood pressure goes up.

...Your arm aches from holding onto the phone with yet another bureaucrat or doctor or therapist who holds the power to improve or destroy the quality of your child's life with the stroke of a pen.

...You're exhausted because your child doesn't sleep.

...And yet, hope springs eternal.

Yes there is hope. There ARE new medications. There IS research going on. There are interventions that help. Thank God for all those who fought so hard before you came along. Your child will make progress.

When he speaks for the first time, maybe not until he is 8 yrs old, your heart will soar. You will know that you have experienced a miracle and you will rejoice. The smallest improvement will look like a huge leap to you. You will marvel at typical development and realize how amazing it is. You will know sorrow like few others and yet you will know joy above joy. You will meet dirty faced angels on playgrounds who are kind to your child without being told to be. There will be a few nurses and doctors who treat your child with respect and who will show you concern and love like few others. Knowing eyes will meet yours in restaurants and malls, they'll understand, they are living through similar times. For those people you will be forever grateful.

Don't get me wrong. This is war and its awful. There are no discharges and when you are gone someone else will have to fight in your place. But, there are lulls in wars, times when the bullets aren't flying and bombs aren't dropping. Flowers are seen and picked. Lifelong friendships are forged. You share an odd kinship with people from all walks of life. Good times are had, and because we know how bad the bad times are, the good times are even better. Life is good but your life is never normal again, but hey, what fun is normal.

#Autism

A Special Mother

This one brought tears to my eyes, reminding me how blessed I am to have my "Special" Child. She has taught me so much more than I could ever hope to teach her!

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.

This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth; son. Patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."

"Rutledge, Carrie; twins. Patron saint, Matthew."

Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has her own world. She has to make her live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect - she has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps - "selfishness? is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'". She will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle, and will know it!"

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice....and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side".

"And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."

#Autism

Two Edged Sword

I was out visiting today and someone saw Princess Belle for the first time in a few years. In her usual manner, she was excited to have a captive and interested audience and talked up a storm on whatever interested her. When I was few feet away and couldn't hear what they were doing, he even got her to read something out loud to them. He was entranced.

Now here is the part that is a two edged sword. He was amazed by how smart she was and how advanced her reading is. It made my homeschooling heart swell to know that he could see how much she was learning at home. But then he went on to exclaim how she was sooo smart he couldn't see how she had any kind of autism at all. Surely if she could read like that, she couldn't have autism and did we really have her officially diagnosed and by who.

See, I was glad that he thought she was smart, but his understanding of autism was a little frustrating. Autism has nothing to do with intelligence. Hers comes out in her social interactions, in her extreme reactions to sensory input, her sensitivity, in her extreme need for routine, her complete lack of understanding of social rules, and in so many ways that are not obvious in a few minutes of excited conversation. I am glad that she has been doing so well at home and that in our home environment her self-esteem has blossomed so much. I just don't like it when people feel that having autism in any way limits her intelligence. She is a smart girl, really smart. As far as I am concerned, there is nothing she can't do. I don't want people to expect less of her because of a label that is supposed to help us understand her.

#Autism

Adventures with Princess Belle

Kids are a riot. I will never understand the way that they think. My oldest cracks me up on a daily basis especially in her choice of things to panic over. Take today for instance:

Princess Belle: OH NO! The sink is overflowing!
Me and Prince Charming: Why? What happened?
Princess Belle: I can't get the water to turn off!
Me and Prince Charming: (looks at sink) this sink?
Princess Belle: yes
Me and Prince Charming: This sink with the bucket in it that is over flowing and the water that is going down the drain where it is supposed to? this sink?
Princess Belle: Yes, but I can't turn it off.
Me and Prince Charming: (turns off water, dumps out bucket and walks down hallway passing by the living room, looking in and seeing Princess Magpie and Princess Snifflefritz doing their best to swim in the mass quantities of water on the living room) Ummm . . . Princess Belle? What happened?
Princess Belle: I spilled it
Me and Prince Charming: Okay, so the water going down the drain where it was supposed to panics you, but the large amounts of water all over the living floor that your sisters are doing the breast stroke in didn't warrant a mention?
Princess Belle: (Silence)
Me and Prince Charming: (as we clean up the mess) Okay so let me on the sequence of events. Why did you bring a bucket of water into the living room?
Princess Belle: I forgot I was carrying it
Me and Prince Charming: Okay forgot you were carrying a large heavy bucket of water (sure I forget I am carrying around things that are large and heavy and splash on me and bang my legs all the time, don't you?). . . but why were you carrying a bucket of water?
Princess Belle: I was dumping down it the bathtub
Me and Prince Charming: You are aware that we have one of those newfangled tubs that has taps of its own, right?
Princess Belle: Um, yup
Me and Prince Charming: So why was the water in the living room, we don't keep our tub there.
Princess Belle: Princess Magpie cried and I came to help her.

(Here we insert much round and round conversation until you begin to see stars and you get a little dizzy whereby you discern that water was being dumped from the sink to the bathtub, for some unknown mysterious reason, and upon being distracted she lugged the heavy bucket into the living room, completely soaking the floor, the couches and her sisters, went back into the bathroom for another bucket, because she was apparently not done yet and then panicked when she couldn't turn off the water but she deemed informing us of our new indoor swimming pool unnecessary.)

On the upside, my living room floor hasn't been this clean in days!

I love my girls, life would be so boring without them.

#Autism

Thankful Thursday

Had a nice night. I met with some other homeschooling moms with kids with Aspergers. It was nice to talk to them and to get their experiences. I am so unsure of what I am doing sometimes. I want to do right by her and I am not always sure I am doing it. It is nice to talk to other moms and to find out how they navigate these waters. I am so thankful that I moved here and that I have these contacts now.

#Autism

Conversation with Princess Belle:

Belle: Look mom, I made a paper doll and he is dancing. He is always dancing.

Me: Cool. Umm . . . he has a hole in his head.

Belle: Yup, and he is always dancing.

Me: Of course he is dancing, his brain fell out, he is always happy and so he is always dancing.

Belle: Giggle. Nooooo, they took out his brain so that they could take away his autism and stuff and then put it back. Wouldn't that be nice?

Me: Yeah, wouldn't that be nice? Actually on second thought, no I wouldn't like you to have that surgery. I think you are special just the way you are and I wouldn't want to take away the autism and then change who you are.

Belle: What do you mean?

Me: You are fun and creative and musical and I would be afraid that taking away the autism would change any part of that. You are special and perfect just the way you are. Well, maybe not perfect, perfect people wouldn't wake up their sisters at 5 o'clock in the morning, but you are special.

Belle: *Giggle* Okay *Happily dances off with her paper doll with the hole in his head.*




#Autism

Information about teaching a child with Autism

I was reading a book about teaching kids with Aspergers and Autism and mostly, I found it really depressing (don't worry I didn't let it get me down). It was filled with information on challenges in teaching kids like Princess Belle, but it had little in the way of constructive advice. I already know the challenges I face in teaching her. I have come across them and while it was good to know it wasn't just me, it would have been nicer to have some real constructive information on what has worked for other people and what I can do to make things better for her.

On a sidenote, I am really looking forward to our new curriculum arriving. We are going back to having a schedule that she can see and being a bit more organized. She does a lot better with structure and visual cues. #Autism

I am so sad

I find it hard sometimes. As I mentioned, Princess Belle has High Functioning Autism. And it makes me so sad that the people I expect to be the most understanding and loving in regards to her, seem to be the least. Every time I visit, it feels like they are sitting there with a list of checks and balances listing all her faults. And they are so quick to jump on her, to remember every little thing. To reduce her to tears.

Prince Charming used to take Princess Belle for walks by an apple tree and they would collect apples. So when she came across an apple tree in the yard, she picked the only apple on the tree. I know she shouldn't have. I know she should have asked. But to ask her, "Don't you EVER leave ANYTHING alone?" reducing her to tears and to sit there coldly ignoring her as she sobbed she was sorry, just broke my heart.

And to find out that someone else whom I would least expect it was also listing and remembering her faults. They used to bring little treats like bags of chips or whatnot and Princess Belle being the way she is can't find it within herself to tell a white lie. If you give her a bag of chips and it isn't the kind she wanted, she will tell you. If you give her a barbie and it is wearing the wrong color skirt, she will tell you. She appreciates it, and she will play with the toy or eat the treat, but she feels the need to tell you what she thought. I keep trying to tell her to say, "Thank you." and leave it at that, but we are still working on it. But, to find out that they were so upset about her reactions to presents that they stopped bringing her things. Just breaks my heart.

I HATE it. I hate that I can't relax. That I have to sit there worried about every little thing she does because I know they are watching and judging her. Just crushes my soul. I want them to love her like I do. I want them to see the better side of her. But they don't, they won't and probably never will. I can honestly say that when I move, I probably won't be back for a visit for a good long time. I just can't.

#Autism

What does it mean?

Since discovering that Princess Belle has ASD, I find myself watching my younger children, watching for signs of it in them as well.

The fact that my four month old baby still has difficulties sucking on a bottle of formula. The fact that she still has difficulties with her sucking reflex when she is only two months away from solid foods. Or the fact that if you talk too loud, she burst into tears. Does that mean anything?

How about my 21 month old? When she gets hysterically upset because she feels the wrong person is holding the remote control, because the diaper isn't put away yet, and any one of the other little things that makes her fall down screaming until you fix it. Is this simply being almost 2? Or does it mean anything?

I wouldn't be too upset to learn that they too will have challenges as they grow up. Having done this before, I know we can do this again. I would just like to be prepared. I would like to know how things are going to go. But then again, I guess nobody knows that for sure. #Autism

Asperger Changes from APA

I have been doing some reading and it appears that if experts have their way, Asperger’s syndrome and another mild form of autism, pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (P.D.D.-N.O.S. for short), will be folded into a single broad diagnosis, autism spectrum disorder — a category that encompasses autism’s entire range, or spectrum, from high-functioning to profoundly disabling.

I know a lot of people are upset with this but they seem to be doing the logical thing to me - autism was a spectrum anyway, with AS included on it, and that AS and HFA were basically the same thing. When Princess Belle was diagnosed, I was told that both labels were interchangeable.

I do see that there are pros and cons. This is how I see it from the research I have done:

Pros

* More services could be available for all levels of ability. Most services require a diagnosis of classic Autism, leaving out the mildly affected individuals.
* All related health problems can be recognized and treated. People with Autism Spectrum Disorder often suffer with anxiety, gastrointestinal problems, seizures, and sensory integration dysfunction, along with Autism.

Cons

* Some people feel that milder cases of Autism Spectrum Disorder, those normally diagnosed as PDD-NOS or Asperger’s Syndrome, are more likely to be missed.
* Some people believe that the less affected individuals will not want the stigma of Autism placed on them. Asperger’s Syndrome carries a more neutral connotation than Autism. #Autism

A good thing

One of the things that Princess Belle as an Autistic child does is mix up made up stories, stories from television and things that happened to her. She can't always tell the difference. But today, she was about to tell me a story and she started with, "This one time . . . *pause* . . . Oh that didn't happen to me, that was on Wizards of Waverly Place" and she moved on. She caught herself and corrected it. That was pretty big for her. I am proud of her for that.

We had a great day of schooling today. She had fun learning about Easter and doing math using Easter Eggs. She has been enjoying the work we have been doing this week. #Autism

She doesn't need fixing

, AutismI hate it that some of the people who are supposed to understand, don't. They tell me that all that is wrong with Princess Belle is that she just needs a firm hand. I feel like awe gee, why didn't I think of that. We are plenty firm. She listened when strangers are firm because they are strangers. It scares her. But once she know you, she will be the same way. She is not just a BAD kid. She is a great kid who has a challenge she has to deal with. I have come to understand that there is so much about Autism that I don't know. I have no experience. I used to put things up as just bad behavior when she wasn't being stubborn. She wasn't being deaf, it is just that with Autism, kids sometimes have a delay in processing what they are hearing. So if you continue to talk or yell at her when it seems like she is ignoring you, she will tune you out, get frustrated, or have a meltdown. She is overwhelmed by trying to explain what her issue is. She can't get you understand that to her, this itchy tag, that loud noise, all those kids talking, that flashing light is completely unbearable.

Don't take my kid for a couple of hours and tell me that you could fix her if you just were able to yell at her enough. She is not broken. She is a special bright girl and if "fixing" her means breaking her, then I am not interested. PERIOD. Whether you are family or not.

The truth is, I feel a little guilty. I feel like I haven't given her enough understanding. It was like I was given a child who speaks Italian and I have been yelling at her for not understanding English. People say not to let Autism give her excuses and while I agree that is true, I do have to understand her better. I need to learn to "speak Italian". Once I understand her better, her life will improve. I also have been having guilt about this move. I feel bad that I have found a place that makes me happy, that I really like, and she has so little to gain from it. She gets to be near her grandparents, but there are so few kids here. I feel like there are two choices: she goes to a school that drives her to the brink of losing herself or she stays home and has so little association. I am hoping that once we get a car next month, I will be able to drive her take art classes at the school, swimming lessons in town, take her places to be able to visit with other kids. The truth is, I would rather move than put her back in school, but I don't really want to move either. I just want to know I am doing what is best for her.

This mothering stuff is tough. I want to get it right for her. Especially for my special "Italian Speaking" girl. #Autism

Sunday Seven

1. Something about homeschooling makes me feel more like being organized. I keep on top of some things more, I am more motivated to do so. It is funny because I am busier, have more to do and less time to do them in, but I like to be in there doing it.
2. Prince Charming's Uncle is going to be buried on Tuesday. It has been so hard these last couple of days.
3. I am working on different ways of disciplining Princess Belle. I always try to be motivated by love not by frustration, but I am working even harder on that. Sometimes when she is stressed, she becomes even harder to deal with and she can be quite frustrating, but she is a good girl, who has Aspergers. She deserves to know just how much we love her and how much we believe in her.
4. She has asked to have Home Ec. (cooking) included in her homeschooling and we are going to do that. I have put it in our schedule that on some days she will help to prepare breakfast and some days she will help to prepare lunch. We have a kids cookbook that we will work from and we will be learning about kitchen safety, reading recipes, measuring ingredients, and cleaning up after ourselves. I think it will be good for her and fun for both of us.
5. Princess Sleeps-a-lot slept 5 hours in a row last night. I was so glad to get a little extra sleep. She is NOT a long sleeper usually, she likes to wake up and snack often. She does that during the day too. The doctor asked us to make sure she ate three ounces every time she ate when she got home from the hospital. She STILL doesn't do that. She eats about 2 or 2 1/2 ounces but she wakes up to eat all the time. Forcing her to eat more only makes her sick. She is gaining weight, so refuse to worry about it.
6. I am working on getting my house organized one room at a time. I have to get at Princess Belle's room, but I am putting it off. *hangs head in shame* She is just SOOO distructive and messy in her room, I get intimidated when I think of attacking it. I do plan on removing some things from her room to see if that will help to keep it more organized.
7. Princess Magpie is a sneaky, quick, picky fingers expert. She will grab something before you finish putting it down. I came up with an idea to keep her out of our books, I put a shelf of kids books down where she could get them. Once the kids books were down there, she had no motivation to get at ours. #Autism

Excited

Now that she is out of public school again, I am so excited. I am thrilled to be homeschooling her again. I have lots of ideas of things I would like to do over the next couple of years. I promised her that I never again would make her go to public school.

She woke up this morning a different girl. She has been bubbly and helpful and independent. There hasn't been one temper tantrum, not one bad incident. She is just so obviously relieved and happy to be home again. I am so glad I did this for her. #Autism

My Precious Girl

There are times that I feel so helpless as a mom. There are times when my beautiful daughter, who is so baffled by the do and don'ts of interpersonal relationships (due to her aspergers), says something to me that just breaks my heart.

She has been doing that a little lately. The only hard part of this move is her. She had established a few friends where we were living. They were younger than she is but they didn't judge her for her oddities. Now to be fair there were a LOT of kids who did judge her and give her a hard time, but now that we are here and sooo isolated, she is longing for the friends that she had. She has even asked me if she can move back when she is a grown up.

She tells me stories about school and things that the kids say that make me so sad and helpless. I can't fix this for her and I wish that I could. I can't un-say the things the kids say to her. I can only hope they aren't breaking her spirit a little at a time. She had a friend that she liked and she was so happy to have a friend that she wrote her a letter, telling her how much she liked her, how glad that she was her friend and how she was her only friend. And her friend rolled her eyes and said things that made her feel weird for doing that. She wanted to do something nice and was shot down for doing so. I saw the light go out of her eyes as she told me about it. She wants so badly to be liked and I HATE that she feels that all the other children think she is weird. I want to make this better for her.


#Autism