She doesn't need fixing

, AutismI hate it that some of the people who are supposed to understand, don't. They tell me that all that is wrong with Princess Belle is that she just needs a firm hand. I feel like awe gee, why didn't I think of that. We are plenty firm. She listened when strangers are firm because they are strangers. It scares her. But once she know you, she will be the same way. She is not just a BAD kid. She is a great kid who has a challenge she has to deal with. I have come to understand that there is so much about Autism that I don't know. I have no experience. I used to put things up as just bad behavior when she wasn't being stubborn. She wasn't being deaf, it is just that with Autism, kids sometimes have a delay in processing what they are hearing. So if you continue to talk or yell at her when it seems like she is ignoring you, she will tune you out, get frustrated, or have a meltdown. She is overwhelmed by trying to explain what her issue is. She can't get you understand that to her, this itchy tag, that loud noise, all those kids talking, that flashing light is completely unbearable.

Don't take my kid for a couple of hours and tell me that you could fix her if you just were able to yell at her enough. She is not broken. She is a special bright girl and if "fixing" her means breaking her, then I am not interested. PERIOD. Whether you are family or not.

The truth is, I feel a little guilty. I feel like I haven't given her enough understanding. It was like I was given a child who speaks Italian and I have been yelling at her for not understanding English. People say not to let Autism give her excuses and while I agree that is true, I do have to understand her better. I need to learn to "speak Italian". Once I understand her better, her life will improve. I also have been having guilt about this move. I feel bad that I have found a place that makes me happy, that I really like, and she has so little to gain from it. She gets to be near her grandparents, but there are so few kids here. I feel like there are two choices: she goes to a school that drives her to the brink of losing herself or she stays home and has so little association. I am hoping that once we get a car next month, I will be able to drive her take art classes at the school, swimming lessons in town, take her places to be able to visit with other kids. The truth is, I would rather move than put her back in school, but I don't really want to move either. I just want to know I am doing what is best for her.

This mothering stuff is tough. I want to get it right for her. Especially for my special "Italian Speaking" girl. #Autism