Do you know those girls? You know, the ones who wait quietly to see if their husband will remember their anniversary (or birthday or fill in other big important event here). She sits quietly simmering ready to pounce on him for forgetting something she has been thinking about and waiting on for days or weeks. And then he forgets, she pounces, foot tapping, arms crossed, face red . . . HOW DARE HE FORGET????
But . . . she remembered. She knew that he would probably forget. She knew that if he remembered he would do something nice for her. So, why play the game. Why not just remind him a few days in advance or even that morning? The way I see it, I would rather have a lovely anniversary that I reminded him about that he went and did something special for, than an anger-filled nniversary that I could have prevented with a few simple reminders.
I think some girls like catching their men in the act of showing that they don't care as much as the girls do. I think that is malarky. I think that some guys just don't remember dates. It isn't a big deal if you don't let it be one. Isn't being with someone about more than his memory? If you remind him and he does something special, should that act feel marred in some way because you had to remind him it was coming up?
See I don't think so. What do you think?
14 comments:
I think I can see this from both sides! And for the mOst part I do agree with you. It's better to make sure he remembers it SOMEhow... But sOMetimes we just want sO badly for him to CARE enough TO remember on his own. Dammit. Men have access to calendars too. I know they're a different species and only use calendars to remember oil changes and hockey games... but sOMEtimes wouldn't WE like to be AS important as those things? Just every now and then?
(for the record, we've been married 20 years and have only fought about this once! LOL! I generally DO make sure he knows... but I DO see the other side too!)
Hi TC,
I have a romance and relationship advice site called To Love, Honor and Dismay. Melli dropped by and suggested I have a look at this post of yours, thinking it would be a good topic for me to offer an opinion on. After reading it, I agree. Assuming you're okay with the idea, I'll take a shot at posting my slant on this issue.
All the best,
Andrew
That sounds like a wonderful idea! I would love that.
Hi TC - thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog.
Personally I don't see why anyone should confuse what are 2 different traits - one is caring, the other is memory. Just because you don't remember a date doesn't mean you don't care. likewise, just because you do remember doesn't mean you do care.
I'm pretty good with dates, and I'm very good with judging moods and emotions, but I have no sense of my wife's tastes. I love her deeply and powerfully, but I'll never be able to buy her a pair of earrings she'd like. I wrote about it a few days ago if you want to scroll down the page on my blog.
I agree with you. I don't play those kind of games with my husband because nobody really wins in the end. The woman is still hurt because she didn't get a card, gift etc. and then the couple has had a fight.
I always tell my husband exactly what I want or need, and then, everybody is happy.
I think it's a biological thing. A lot of guys just don't focus on dates. They have too many other things to think about - especially if they're the sole breadwinner for the family. They're more worried about making sure they get a paycheck than what the calender says. So, I just start reminding him a week or two and tell him what I expect. That way, I'm not disappointed. He can't read my mind after all, even though I think he should be able to by now...lol!
I'm the opposite. This year I'm the one who forget our anniversary and he remembered with a card and gift! Even when he presented me with the gift, I had no idea why!
Aggie is usually the one who remembers these things in our relationship:-) So he reminds me a few days beforehand, and I tell him what I do (and what I DON'T!) want. It works out nicely, everyone happy. I don't see the problem really.
Equally, we make sure all family & friends know our philosophies on cards, presents, anniversaries etc, and if they specifically want anything different, they need to let us know. My MiL requested that we do something for her 25th wedding anniversary, knowing that we generally think wedding anniversaries are private occasions, but as she asked, i sent flowers, a card & a gift. She was delighted, even though she's asked for something, it was still a surprise & and a good feeling to get it.
Thanks for the good wishes for Mstr A.
That is so cool! I just came across this post looking for "Twisted Blogs" and saw you bloggin' about me!! LOL!
Really, I did just that! -Margie
Hmmm ... I have mixed feelings about that. I guess you're right. There are people who do not keep up with dates and occasions, but their romantic gestures and gifts are from the heart nevertheless.:-)
Thanks for your comment on the medieval pictures. I don't think this group is actually part of the SCA, but it's similar.
By the way, I like what you wrote below about the inherent goodness of human nature, as shown in emergency situations. I feel the same way.
http://momof3feistykids.homeschooljournal.net/
For me, I always discuss with him what he sugest we do on our special occasions. This way, I don't get disappointed.
Thanks for visiting. Like your posts. Will be visiting more often.
Have a great week!
I've been married four years now and My husband still doesn't know our wedding date LOL. it's okay, he's like that..as a lot of men are.
Just bounced in from Kim's site. Given the topic, you might enjoy my entry today:
Classes For Men
I'm with you on that one!
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