Nov 7, 2007

30 Day Organizing Challenge

I have joined the 30 day Organizing Challenge! It will be fun. I am for sure going to organize my bedroom. I have lots of ideas. Up until now, I have give it over to the clutter that is Prince Charming. I let him have his way and I close the door on his little piles of junk everywhere. My room has been the last room to get organized, the last room to get decorated in any fashion and definitely the last room to get cleaned as Prince Charming is the last one out of bed. (thus the unmade bed.) So this is my challenge to myself.

If this goes well, I may also decide to organize my hall closet!

So here are my beginning pics!

Update: I am also going to be organizing the following:

My Hall Closet:

My Linen Closet:

My Kitchen

Princess's room:

And a little in my living room:

Precious -- Wordless Wednesday

Click the pic above to get to other Wordless Wednesday Participants.
Click the pic below to enlarge.

Nov 6, 2007

Coming Clean

I haven't been completely honest with you the last couple of days, I have been weathering a storm and I haven't felt up to sharing it. Like a child huddled in a corner while the winds of stress and indecision swirl around me battering me, paralyzing me. Leaving helpless to save myself by making any choices at all.

I struggled like that for a few days, putting off decisions, pretending the weekend would go on forever. But as the weekend crawled by and nightmares tormented the little sleep I was getting, and heart palpitations accompanying every thought I had of work, I knew I could't pretend that I was okay forever. The weight of indecision paralyzed me, I couldn't clean my house, I couldn't leave my house, I couldn't even take care of myself. On both Friday and Monday, I put it off any permanent decisions, when I burst into tears while getting ready for work, I called in sick. I just got through the day. Day to day was all I could manage.

Today, I called work. I told them what had been happening. I told them I have been having ongoing stress issues. I told them about my heart palpitations. I told them I couldn't face going in to work. In short, I quit.

I feel like a weakling, like a failure, like I should have been stronger, I shouldn't have let it get to me. But, my mom had 4 major heart attacks when she was my age. The idea of being a failure scares me, but the idea of having a heart attack at 35 scares me more.

When I called today, they were kind and gentle. They were concerned and didn't pressure me to change my mind. They made me feel valued and let me know I would be missed, but they also let me know they understood.

Afterwards, sitting quietly with my hands wrapped around my hot cup of coffee in the calm that often follows a storm, I felt the weight lift off my shoulders. I took my first deep breathe in days and the thought went through my head . . . . "I'm Free." And suddenly the sun was peaking out from the clouds and I felt that whatever else came, I knew I was going to be okay.

Tackle It Tuesday

Tackle It Tuesday Meme

It's Tackle It Tuesday, again and I thought I would join in this week with a nasty gross job I did this week.

This is the beginning. Isn't it nasty?? I will admit that I hate oven cleaning, but food was spilled in there and it had to be done, or I would be doomed to a lifetime of ovenless cooking and I can't do that! Christmas is coming!
Here is the finished product. I even cleaned out the drawer below. I do need to get some SOS pads and see if I can scrub off that dark smudge on the outside above the oven but all in all not bad. MUCH better than it was. I even put a liner in.

Nov 2, 2007


Theme: CLASSIC Become a Photo Hunter

The theme this week is CLASSIC. I had no troubles this week other than narrowing it down. I love to do layouts in a sepia, antiqued classic style. Here are two. The first one is also CLASSIC Princess, she still does so many of these things even though this layout is 2 years old

I got an email

I got an email. It was a suprise and it's subject was like a kick in the gut, "Congratulations, you are now in your 30th week of your pregnancy." In the email, it said how my baby was like this now and like that now. After all this time, why did I have to get that email now? It hurt so bad to read about how Danielle would have been now. To hear that she would have been this big and developing this much. To think how in 10 short weeks, I would have been holding her in my arms. It breaks my heart a little.

And then last night, before going to bed, Princess runs up and gives me a kiss and before running to go to bed, she stopped, ran back and kissed my belly and then ran up the stairs to go to bed.

I am just so sad. And after the days and stresses I have been having at work, I don't know if I can take it.

Some days . . .

I had a rough day yesterday at work. I can't tell you how badly it went. I won't go into details, but I will tell you I ended up going home with heart palpitations. I wasn't even certain, I wanted to stay. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect, to do everything perfect that when I really fall short of that I can't deal with it.

I have been having heart palipations at work lately anyway, sometimes so badly that I have to get up and go take a quick break.

I want to badly to tell them to take their ridiculous rules, their stupid little details that cause them to tell me I am the best worker they have there but I still failed my evaluation. I FAILED not once but TWICE. Little Miss I gotta get everything perfect FAILED!! I get so upset, I can't breath, my heart starts to race and all I can hear in my head is the incessant chant, "I FAILED! I FAILED . . . I FAILED . . . I FAILED . . . I FAILED . . . " I am so stressed, I didn't sleep well, I had 2 bad dreams, and I had pains in my chest a couple of times. This sucks.