Introspection

Tell me, do you ever wonder what your 17 year old self would think if they saw you now? Would you be impressed? Shocked? Sad? Happy? What would you think? Did you meet your plans for yourself?

I think that my 17 year old self would be shocked. In the years since my graduation, I have become far more brave and independent than I thought. I was a lot older than I expected when I got married and I didn't marry the kind of person I thought I would. My life has been much more eventful and mobile than I had expected. I don't think that my 17 year old self would have planned for my life to go this way, but then, what did I know? I was a kid. I didn't know what was best for me.

I guess it is kind of like that song unanswered prayers. I think you have to trust that things are going to go the way they should.

When I moved to my last home, I would never have moved here instead. I was stuck on cities and urban living. Rural living wasn't a consideration or even an option. But living in the last place I lived opened my mind to other options. I have said in the past that I thought it was a mistake to move there, but looking back on it now, I can't say that. It was expensive and I wish I had gone straight here instead. But I wouldn't have. My best friend wouldn't have been able to move closer to her dad and I wouldn't be living here where I can take a financial blow and be knocked down but not out.

When I graduated high school marrying someone like Prince Charming who would be so disapproved by my family and friends would have been out of the question. Add to that the fact that I am 4 years older than he is and I wouldn't have looked at him. But a few years later and a lifetimes experience later, I was opened up to the possibility and I was strong enough to fight for the love I found.

I guess that means that even my mistakes can't be regrets. Because I wouldn't have gotten here without going there first.