Feeling hopeful

I am feeling hopeful this month. It would be nice to have that big fat positive as a christmas present under my tree. I am in that foggy no-womans-land they call the two-week-wait where you have ovulated and you are waiting to see if you managed to catch an egg this month. For a lot of the years I wouldn't let myself hope. I was scared of the disappointments. There was a voice telling me that this wasn't going to happen for me. But I am working to get past that. I am purposely letting myself hope. And surprisingly I don't fall apart when AF rears her ugly head and laughs that I managed to fail at the one thing most teenage girls live in fear of doing by mistake.

Somewhere in my heart I am at peace now. I never have been before. I will have my baby one day. I am sure. Prince Charming wants this little one as much as I do and how can a baby so wanted and loved not come to our home. We managed to do this before. It may have been 6 years, 1 pregnancy, and 1 miscarriage later, but in my math that means that at least twice in my life, I managed to get the timing right. I will do this again. I am ready now.

So each month, I temp hopefully. I wait during my two-week-wait and I wonder, and hope and wait. Then when AF arrives, I chalk it up as starting over for this month. Don't worry little one, we are ready and waiting for you, we will be here when you are ready.

That being said, I am hopeful this month that we did all the right things. I am praying a little longer, wishing a little harder, hoping a little more. Maybe I can get my Christmas wish this year.

Tackle It Tuesday

It's Tackle It Tuesday, again and since the organizing challenge is done, I thought I would share what I have been working on this week!

Random Thoughts

I know I don't talk about this much, I don't want to bring you down or to let myself obsess too much. But I really do hope that by this time next year, I will have a beautiful little baby in my arms. In the beginning of this journey, I was picky, I wanted a boy and I wanted it in the warm time of the year, but now 4 1/2 years and one miscarriage later, I just want another baby. Princess asks me for a baby sister, she pretends she has one, she talks about having one with people she meets and she still tells random people that mommy used to have a baby sister in her belly but she died. I have grown, I don't cry at that, she speaks so matter of factly about it, that I do think she has adjusted as much as her little heart can.

I want a baby for me too. I want to feel that life inside me, I want to hold a brand new baby knowing that nobody does it quite the way that I, the mommy, do.

I made a decision too. I am going to put an ornament on my tree for Daniella. There is one there for Princess and one for her step sister that we don't get to see and I want one to be there for my angel. If she can't be with her sister, at least their ornaments can hang on our tree and she can spend christmas with us that way. She would have been due on January 8, 2008. *sigh*