Suddenly

For the first time, Little Prince has an autism quirk that has made me a little sad.  It seems to have sprung out of nowhere and I was surprised and sad.  You see in the past when he was upset, I would sit with him, hold him, rock him and shush him.  As a result, he would calm down, taking over the rocking for himself.  I liked those snuggles.  They were really the only snuggles I got.

But lately, the very act of sitting down with Little Prince in your arms sends him into a meltdown.  As long as you stand with him in your arms, he is okay.  He wraps his arms around your neck, holds on and is calm.  But as soon as your butt touches the seat with him in your arms, he screams, shaking and hysterical.  I don't know why.  I don't know what connection his little mind has made other than this is not part of his regular routine and anything that isn't routine is wrong.

And I know that I am being silly but I am sad.  I liked the snuggles.  I liked that I knew just what to do that would make him better.  Now I don't know for sure.  I am the mommy, I am supposed to have the answers.  I am supposed to make things better for him.  I hate not knowing.  And I am being selfish because I hate that this means that at Christmas I won't be sitting with him in my arms, helping him open presents.