I think I have mentioned here in that this pregnancy came a lot quicker than I expected. Since it took soooo many years to get pg with Princess Magpie, I just expected it to take longer this time. so when I got pregnant so quickly, I was surprised. This pregnancy took on a dream-like, unreal feel to me. I mean, it makes no sense because I am crazy sick with it, but I had difficulties connecting that to a real live baby growing inside me.
Well last night, for the first time, I spontaneously spoke to my baby. I was watching a show and the baby was born with breathing troubles and I looked down at my belly and said, "Pumpkin you make sure you stay in there until you are completely cooked and ready to be out here, okay?". I looked back at the show and realized what I had done. I had connected with my baby. For the first time. For the first time, I really knew that there is an actual baby growing inside me. (I mean I knew intellectually all along but now my heart new too). Tears started forming in the corners of my eyes as I realized. I felt actual love for my baby.
This may sounds silly but I spoke to Princess Magpie as soon as I got the positive test. She was real to me right away. As was Daniella, the baby I lost. I have always had a very strong connection to my babies, even when I was pregnant. It bothered me that I didn't have that yet with this baby. And I couldn't understand why other than the shock of how quickly it came just made it feel unreal. But now, that isn't so anymore. I am having those wonderful moments of connection that I love so much.
5 comments:
Thats so sweet. What a great feeling to have that connection. When I was pregnant with Ben it felt really wierd when I thought about it to be prego with a boy, a boy in side me, really? I never thought that way with the girls. I can't wait to meet this sweet little baby....and for some reason I almost said little girl, uh-oh! :)
With all my kids I felt the connection right away... Maybe even before taking the test... I always *knew* I was pregnant, before I ended up testing. ... Man, do I miss those days!
That's great. What a touching thing to happen and for you to have that moment with your new little one as she/he grows.
Having been pregnant six times with four live births I would say that it is probably just your mind's way of protecting your heart. I just think that your mind's gaurd came down for a moment and now there's no going back! ;) I think in hindsight I can look back and say that I had some "walls" up that it sometimes just takes a little while to "break those walls down"... just a way my mind was protecting me from heartbreak. Make sense? I hope so. If you have always felt that instant connection from the very beginning, then you have to really think about why it was different now. Maybe this is why. Not trying to be a know-it-all, just my thoughts! May the rest be super and "real" for you. Sometimes we have to LET OURSELVES feel excited..... CONGRATULATIONS!
Thanks for your very insightful comment. I think you are absolutely right. I think a part of me was really afraid to believe that this had really happened for me, that it wasn't going to just disappear. But I finally let go and let my heart believe.
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