Spin Cycle: CHANGE

This week the topic is all about CHANGE. I had to think about this one for a while. There are so many changes to choose from, Princess Belle's new hair cut, Princess Belle's new gluten free way of eating, my gluten and dairy free way of eating, other bigger changes in my life . . . etc. But in the end I decided on something that I have been thinking about lately, how I have changed as a mom.

When I take the time to stop and think, I realize that I am a much better mother now to Princess Magpie than I was to Princess Belle when she was little. I can remember lots of mistakes that I made then that I would never make now. Some I am embarressed about. But now that I am older, more confident, more experienced, and more appreciative, I do things differently.

I would never get in any car (taxi or otherwise) anywhere (small town or not) without having my baby properly constrained in the right car seat. I always have lots of supplies around so that I am not caught unawares of something we need. I am more patient, and less stressed. I appreciate her so much more.

Every single time I pick up Princess Magpie, I put her little cheek to mine, wrap my arms around her and just breath in her sweetness. Every time. When she cries, I don't worry, I don't stress, it will be okay. I take care of things the best way I can and that is enough. I don't allow myself to get depressed and let depression swallow me up whole leaving nothing left for my family.

I am a different mother to her than I was to Princess Belle. Sometimes I feel guilty about that (I am a mom, I can even feel guilty about being a better mom now). I feel bad that Princess Belle didn't have this new and improved mommy back then. But then I console myself with the fact that she gets this new and improved mommy now. I have more patience with her now. I enjoy her more now too. I am interested in what goes on in her head and I listen to her more. She was too young back then to know how I failed her and thank god we made it through so that I can do better now.

I wasted so much time back then stessed, worrying, depressed, wishing for what I didn't have. I have learned over the years how precious the things I am lucky enough to have are. I take time to relish the feeling of Princess Belle's hand in mine, her kiss on my cheek before she goes to bed. I take the time to wrap my hands around a nice hot chai latte made with chai tea and rice milk and breath in the wonderful smell, sip it in small doses and feel it warming my soul, instead of gulping down as many hot coffees as I can in a day without stopping to really taste what I am drinking. I am taking time to be healthier, to help my family be healthier, to enjoy my life, to teach my daughter to enjoy her life too.

It is amazing to me how much I have changed in the seven years since my oldest Princess was born. I wonder how much I will change for my next baby whenever he or she shall choose to bless us with an appearance.