Here's what I don't know

I was watching television with Prince Charming and the subject of sports came up. I was struck by the fact that I am lucky I am the mommy of a girly girl and not a sporty girl or boy. Because I know astoundingly little about sports of any kind. Let's run it down, shall we?

• Volleyball: So let me get this straight, the idea of this is for a bunch of people to bash on a ball and not let it hit the ground, right? so how is that different from . . .
  
• Tennis and Badminton?: Oh, I know how it they are different, in these ones, they give you a weapon, which according to John Mcenroe is a handy weapon when thrown. Are you impressed with my tennis knowledge? I know who John Mcenroe is. Impressive, huh? Well . . . I confess that I only know because I heard about his temper on the news. I also confess I had to google the spelling of his name. In Tennis and Badminton they give you a weapon but they frown on you actually using it as one. And the people who play it, all look skinny and wimpy. They look like they would need a weapon if they ever got into a real rumble. Not like . . .
  
• Football: In football the rule seems to be bigger is better when it comes to muscle size, but littler is better when it comes to pants size. I have to confess I am okay with that. The idea of this game as far as I can tell it get the ball from the middle of the feild to your end, I have no idea what happens in the middle. And if you have the ball, run like hell before 165 muscle bound maniacs jump on top of you for no apparrent reason. But no actual fighting takes place in football. Unlike in . . .
  
• Hockey: In hockey the idea is remarkably similar to football, get the little rubber ball from the middle to your end, where a net is kept to mark your spot. And they throw you out on the ice just to keep it interesting. Now in Hockey these guys don't look like they are all bound for the boxing ring, but I think they were all recruited from the local home for the criminally insane becuase they all go on the ice in a constant state of barely suppressed rage. They are all just waiting for some guy to touch them or look the wrong way before they erupt into a bunch of crazy maniacs who are intent on beating each other senseless. And get this, they provide these valium needing crazies with weapons to carry around and bash their little rubber ball with and tell them not to bash each other with them . . . yeah let me know how that works out for ya.
  
• And lets not even get started on the sport that they call golf now, okay.
  

Let it also be noted that there is no point in my referring to Prince Charming for help in the sports arena because he is as ill-informed as I am. His idea of a sport is giving him a stick and actually being allowed to hit someone with it. (For those of you who don't know, he is in a medieval martial arts group).

Let us hope that we are blessed with book reading nerdy girls and not sports freaks, or we are in serious trouble trying to cheer our girls on. I can see it now, we are sitting together on the bleachers at a little league game, "Come on, honey! Score a touch down! I know you can get a goal!!"