Random Thoughts

I know I don't talk about this much, I don't want to bring you down or to let myself obsess too much. But I really do hope that by this time next year, I will have a beautiful little baby in my arms. In the beginning of this journey, I was picky, I wanted a boy and I wanted it in the warm time of the year, but now 4 1/2 years and one miscarriage later, I just want another baby. Princess asks me for a baby sister, she pretends she has one, she talks about having one with people she meets and she still tells random people that mommy used to have a baby sister in her belly but she died. I have grown, I don't cry at that, she speaks so matter of factly about it, that I do think she has adjusted as much as her little heart can.

I want a baby for me too. I want to feel that life inside me, I want to hold a brand new baby knowing that nobody does it quite the way that I, the mommy, do.

I made a decision too. I am going to put an ornament on my tree for Daniella. There is one there for Princess and one for her step sister that we don't get to see and I want one to be there for my angel. If she can't be with her sister, at least their ornaments can hang on our tree and she can spend christmas with us that way. She would have been due on January 8, 2008. *sigh*