Feeling hopeful

I am feeling hopeful this month. It would be nice to have that big fat positive as a christmas present under my tree. I am in that foggy no-womans-land they call the two-week-wait where you have ovulated and you are waiting to see if you managed to catch an egg this month. For a lot of the years I wouldn't let myself hope. I was scared of the disappointments. There was a voice telling me that this wasn't going to happen for me. But I am working to get past that. I am purposely letting myself hope. And surprisingly I don't fall apart when AF rears her ugly head and laughs that I managed to fail at the one thing most teenage girls live in fear of doing by mistake.

Somewhere in my heart I am at peace now. I never have been before. I will have my baby one day. I am sure. Prince Charming wants this little one as much as I do and how can a baby so wanted and loved not come to our home. We managed to do this before. It may have been 6 years, 1 pregnancy, and 1 miscarriage later, but in my math that means that at least twice in my life, I managed to get the timing right. I will do this again. I am ready now.

So each month, I temp hopefully. I wait during my two-week-wait and I wonder, and hope and wait. Then when AF arrives, I chalk it up as starting over for this month. Don't worry little one, we are ready and waiting for you, we will be here when you are ready.

That being said, I am hopeful this month that we did all the right things. I am praying a little longer, wishing a little harder, hoping a little more. Maybe I can get my Christmas wish this year.