I get depressed every year. Every year the same things happen, I stop talking to everyone. I don't go anywhere. I gain weight. I completely isolate myself. My house becomes a mess because I just can't get myself to do anything. And I cry at the drop of a hat. I start to feel hopeless and out of control. I can feel it starting again. I am crying over stupid things, I am feeling sad.
But this year, I am going to fight it. Whenever I feel it coming on, I am going to go out. I am going to leave the house. It is just so hard to fight it. No one outside my house can ever tell. I put on a happy face and pretend that everything is fine and sunshiny in my world. I don't want to burden others with how I am feeling. So I pretend iI am fine. But it is hard. Because my mind and body just want to sink deep down in it. It is like a deep dark hole and I just want to go down into it and hide from the world. There is no reason. nothing ever happens but it happens to me every single year.
Last night I thought it was because we were talking about moving yet again when Prince Charming finishes school. And while a part of me is always a little excited about the prospect of a move most of me doesn't want to. I like my house, I love my neighbour. And when Prince Charming and I have another baby, I want to be next door to her. I really love her. She is sweet and funny and a wonderful mother. Every morning, I get a chance to chat with her and her husband and I am grateful for their friendship. I don't want to leave that behind to try to find that somewhere else. Why do that? I have that here.
So last night, we have decided that unless absolutely have to, we are going to stay here. I need to feel like I can put down roots. I need to feel like I can enjoy where I live without feeling like I am leaving in a couple of months. I need to be able to furnish this house without worrying about how much everything will cost to move. I need my baby to feel settled. I need to feel settled.
I thought that having that settled, having that decision made, would make me feel better. And it did to some degree. I am relieved. But the depression is still back there fighting to take over my mind. I am fighting this. I don't want to be that person. I want the smile on my face to reflect what I am feeling. I want to be in control of how I feel. I won't let this get me.
Sorry to hear about the depression. Is there anyone you can talk you? A therapist, a clery member, or a good friend?
ReplyDeleteIf it interferes with your life, you should look into seeing a counsellor or psychiatrist, if possible. They can really help.
If you find it happens when the days start getting shorter, you may have Seasonal Affective Disorder, and getting a bit of sun every day can help with that.
Good luck and I hope you can get some help. Depression sucks.
I have friends that suffer from depression and I know how overwhelming it can be. At least you want to make the effort to control it.
ReplyDeleteYes, root and stability are always a great thing! Good luck!
TC thanks for coming to my site and seeing that I am feeling good today about my weight loss.
ReplyDeleteI have had a lot of troubles with depression. I had PMS badly about your age and finally found out after going to a good gyne doctor that I had some physical problems that were causing it. You may need to go see a good doctor and see if something is going on. It cannot hurt. I had to go on some medication. Also something that you can do that WILL NOT hurt you is to go on B6. It is just a good vitamin that helps to control our moods and emotions. When I was going through that really really bad period My doctor tried that first, but it was worse than that. It is not going to hurt you and it just might help you. It is after all just a vitamin. I have found now in my later years that I am back to having to take it. Keep me updated. I would like to help and if you want to vent just email me at grandys45@bellsouth.net I will always listen..
Sandy
I've known Sandy for years and she is an excellent friend and terrific listner. I've bent her ear many times. I'm here to....both of us old enough to be your mom but with many years of life experience. You are wise to be able to recognize it and I admire the steps you are taking to prevent it from sabotaging your dietiary efforts. Hugs, and prayers. Daisy
ReplyDeleteI suffer from periods of depressions as well and know where you are coming from. I would suggest seeing a doctor, even if it is just your GP. I personally had to take some meds a while back to get straightened out, but have since been able to wuit taking them. It's good that you want to change this. Wanting to fix it is always the first step
ReplyDeleteUm maybe I have what you have. I made an appointment last week to see a counsellor/psychologist because I've been experiencing exactly what you have. Not wanting to go out, do anything, work is taking everything out of me. I've also started on the Vitamin B's at the suggestion of my sister. I go next Wednesday. Hugs, we're here for ya and we hear ya~
ReplyDeleteI am seeing a pattern here.
ReplyDeleteWe are posting our hubbies sleeping or our family with pets sleeping!
I guess we are just comfortable people!
mine is up